Nice work! The number of people who have put together a comic/visual novel is relatively low, so congratulations on doing that! If this is something you are interested in continuing, I recommend picking a few guides to improve your skill (I've got a stack of "how to write" books in my closet ).
A key feature of Whys comic is that the text is drawn in the empty space and doesn't overwrite the picture. Also the text is carefully printed in smaller block lettering for readability. Whys drawings are very whimsical like yours but he provides space for the text that he adds later.
Also Why was careful to use proper spelling of words and proper grammar for his text.