A Story of Messy Emotions: Learning to Trust

[Mépris]

Long story short: I messed up. She gets me (and trust me, very few do) and she always stuck around. It's an idea that's crossed my mind a few times but I always figured I'd be better off* on my own and shrugged the idea off. She's leaving in less than a week for Europe (undergrad study). Won't be back until next year. So trying anything at all right now is *not* worth it.

Not that having done something about this would've (more like, could've!) changed things much but at least we'd have had fun (!) for a while. Serves me right.

*Not very certain of that. In general, I don't trust anyone. Over the years I got used being on my own. But nothing's constant. And all that is a little disturbing. The minute there's any kind attachment/affection thrown into the equation, things get all messy. And nobody likes messy.

What is the purpose of this thread? Ah who knows, I reckon I just wanted to let it out. Any stories, people? :)

 

[lisab]

Why do things get messy when attachment/affection are involved?

 

[Evo]

Long story short: I messed up. She gets me (and trust me, very few do) and she always stuck around. It's an idea that's crossed my mind a few times but I always figured I'd be better off* on my own and shrugged the idea off. She's leaving in less than a week for Europe (undergrad study). Won't be back until next year. So trying anything at all right now is *not* worth it.

Not that having done something about this would've (more like, could've!) changed things much but at least we'd have had fun (!) for a while. Serves me right.

*Not very certain of that. In general, I don't trust anyone. Over the years I got used being on my own. But nothing's constant. And all that is a little disturbing. The minute there's any kind attachment/affection thrown into the equation, things get all messy. And nobody likes messy.

What is the purpose of this thread? Ah who knows, I reckon I just wanted to let it out. Any stories, people? :)

Sounds like this is something she's planned for quite awhile, you can't just decide to study abroad on a whim. She didn't tell you about her plans? Or did you think she'd change her plans?

 

[DaveC426913]

So trying anything at all right now is *not* worth it.

Why is it "not worth it"? What is the harm?

What if you simply let her know how you feel? Sure, she'll still go, but absence can make the heart grow fonder.

 

[rootX]

Why do things get messy when attachment/affection are involved?

But these things don't last more than one night fortunately

I believe infatuation might be more appropriate word here.

 

[Mépris]

Why do things get messy when attachment/affection are involved?

I'd rather not get too much into this but everybody lies (in my experience). Lying, very many miles apart and attachment don't go hand in hand.

Sounds like this is something she's planned for quite awhile, you can't just decide to study abroad on a whim. She didn't tell you about her plans? Or did you think she'd change her plans?

No, I've known about them since the first day we met. Which is also why I never really entertained this possibility. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time...

Why is it "not worth it"? What is the harm?

What if you simply let her know how you feel? Sure, she'll still go, but absence can make the heart grow fonder.

I'm still considering this. We're meeting up soon, I'll figure it out there and then.

There is that, which is one of many possibilities. It's also possibly the best case scenario and considering only that suddenly opens up more room for disappointment. Another likely scenario is that she'll find what she can get from me (or better) within reach. And Facebook (might have something to do with me hating it...) & e-mail doesn't beat direct contact!

But these things don't last more than one night fortunately

I believe infatuation might be more appropriate word here.

I can imagine my response to a thread like this would have been very much the same. Things would be infinitely simpler if that were true though. I've known her for a good while now and I can tell the difference between being infatuated and er, I don't know, that other thing. I don't think it's love though. But there's more to it than just "I like how she looks and I like cuddling up on the sofa and being all gay about everything*".

*Note: Things like having intense arguments about who will hang up the phone, for instance.

Thank you for the replies. I appreciate it. It's good/interesting to get some additional perspective.

 

[lisab]

Remember this:

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

I thought that quote was originally King Kong's, but in fact it's Lord Tennyson's.

 

[Mépris]

Remember this:

I thought that quote was originally King Kong's, but in fact it's Lord Tennyson's.

He did have a legendary beard.

Quote made me smile.

 

[DaveC426913]

I'm still considering this. We're meeting up soon, I'll figure it out there and then.

I wouldn't overthink it. You'll rationalize your way out of it.

Just say "Look, I know this is lousy timing, but it's better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't do. I like you. A lot. I would never forgive myself if you went away not knowing how I feel about you."

 

[rootX]

Given more details, I would fully agree with lisab and Dave.

 

[lisab]

He did have a legendary beard.

Quote made me smile.

King Kong? Yeah, not just the beard, but legendary fur everywhere.

 

[Mépris]

She bailed. Not seeing her until next year. I might forget. Throwing "liking" into any equation can only complicate things for me. Keeping away from this "liking people" business like its an AIDs infected penis.

Moving on.

You've been of good help.

 

[Mépris]

I ended up going to her farewell party on the next night. It was fun but we didn't get much of a chance to be alone for too long. (I mean, it's her farewell party, not a date!)

After rationalising (heh :D), I've decided that I do like her a lot. The dynamics of the relationship is very loose (that's largely due to me and I think it's a good thing) and she gets all the messed up crap I think of and spout. If she doesn't, she does a pretty darn good job at pretending she does! And if that's the case, that should mean something. I will most definitely miss her being around. But I will get used to it eventually.

Felt like typing it out, so yeah.

 

[DaveC426913]

I ended up going to her farewell party on the next night. It was fun but we didn't get much of a chance to be alone for too long. (I mean, it's her farewell party, not a date!)

After rationalising (heh :D), I've decided that I do like her a lot. The dynamics of the relationship is very loose (that's largely due to me and I think it's a good thing) and she gets all the messed up crap I think of and spout. If she doesn't, she does a pretty darn good job at pretending she does! And if that's the case, that should mean something. I will most definitely miss her being around. But I will get used to it eventually.

Felt like typing it out, so yeah.

Also possible that you could be a life line to home by being a pen pal. Write once a month, ask how she's doing.

 

[Mépris]

Also possible that you could be a life line to home by being a pen pal. Write once a month, ask how she's doing.

Definitely. That is what I intended to do, in the event that I don't get a webcam and skype. I do prefer writing though.

Her brother and I are fairly close. That should help bridge the gap.