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Anger Management

  1. Mar 19, 2005 #1


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    When I have the occasional bad day and need to take it out on someone, I
    don't take it out on my loved ones anymore...

    I got the idea one day when I was sitting at my desk and
    remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and
    dialed it.

    A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I
    please speak with Robin Carter?"

    Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's
    correct number and called her.

    I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up
    with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy
    answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a$$shole!" and hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in my
    desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a
    really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a$$hole." It always
    cheered me up.

    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic
    'a$$hole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,
    this is John Smith from the Telephone company. I'm just calling to see if
    you're interested in the Caller ID program?"

    He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and
    said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some
    guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
    waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.
    The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I
    wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I
    had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW a$$hole
    too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

    "Yes, it is."

    "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th
    Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

    "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

    "I'm home every evening after five."

    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"


    "Don, you're an a$$hole. Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed
    dial, too.

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call. But after several
    months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came
    up with an idea. I called a$$hole#1.

    "Hello." "You're an a$$hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

    "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he

    "Make me," I said.

    "Who are you?" he asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen."

    "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    "A$$hole I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black
    Beamer parked in front."

    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
    your prayers."

    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole."

    Then I called a$$hole #2.

    "Hello?" he said.

    "Hello, a$$hole," I said.

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"

    "You'll what?" I said.

    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

    I answered, "Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
    1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay
    lover. Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on West
    34th Street.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.
    There I saw two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six
    squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

    NOW, I feel better.

    This anger management sh*t really works!
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2005
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 19, 2005 #2


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    Tsu, that is a hysterical story! Very clever indeed! I laughed my tushie off! :rofl: But a question, since we know you are female being a part of the PF sistahood, didn't the two men seem suspicious of your female voice?
  4. Mar 19, 2005 #3


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    I have thyroid disease, so I have a rather deep, gravelly voice. It can also be exxagerated. :biggrin:
  5. Mar 19, 2005 #4


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    :rofl: You know what, I think when I have one of those days when some a$$hole pisses me off, I'm going to just sit down and reread that story! Time to print it and keep it handy.
  6. Mar 19, 2005 #5
    Beats hitting a pillow i suppose.
  7. Mar 19, 2005 #6


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    Better than menopause I suppose... :rofl: (I probably shouldn't joke about what I'll be suffering at some point myself...)

    At one time there was discussion in a thread in PoliSci about whether the Internet was replacing traditional news. For me PF is starting to replace the Comedy Channel! :biggrin:
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2005
  8. Mar 19, 2005 #7


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    Tsu, remind me to stay on your good side. :biggrin:

    In junior high and high school, I had a controlled, but sometimes explosive temper, particularly during competitive sports. If I made a bad shot in basketball, I would punch the floor, brick wall or steel beam - pretty much as hard as I could. Everyone noticed, including the bullies and tough guys.

    Net result - people left me alone.

    And I kept the bullies in check. :biggrin:
  9. Mar 19, 2005 #8


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    Yeah, but that would never happen.
  10. Mar 19, 2005 #9


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    OK. I'm fessin' up. I did not do or write this. It was a 'funny' email sent to me by a friend. I just thought it was so hysterical, I wanted to share. :biggrin:
  11. Mar 19, 2005 #10
    :rofl: Thanks Tsu, that was great! :rofl:
  12. Mar 26, 2005 #11
    there is a place in japan where (for 200 dollars) destroy an old hotel room. beats the living s*** out of sitting on a couch and talking to some crazy old man that calls him self an anger management pro.
  13. Mar 26, 2005 #12
    Owww... that sounds painful......
  14. Mar 26, 2005 #13


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    Yeah, I've never been particularly impressed by the concept of "anger management counselors." Unless they're going to tell you what to punch that won't hurt anyone but yourself, they're pretty useless if you can't control yourself.

    BTW, have you ever gotten the feeling you're just another number? :rofl: Can we call you Fib for short?
  15. Mar 27, 2005 #14


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    Never let the truth get in the way of a good story....!
  16. Mar 27, 2005 #15


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    The two main consequences derived by Tsu story are:

    1) NEVER hung up Tsu when talking.

    2) NEVER get beyond her and take away her parking spot whe she is parking.

    If you don't make so, you'll be exposed to strange threatening phone calls.....

    On the other hand, if you're a gay, maybe Tsu could find some friend to you, as she eventually did with the two a$$holes..... :rofl:
  17. Mar 27, 2005 #16


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    I don't mean it's good that you didn't do it; just good that you're not silly enough to confess something like that in a place where your real identity could be subpoenaed. :biggrin:
  18. Mar 27, 2005 #17
    rofl, that is awesomely hilarious.
  19. Mar 27, 2005 #18

    yes, fib will do nicely.
  20. Mar 27, 2005 #19

    Darn i was gonna call you on it, but you beat me to it.
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