moe darklight said:
Lately I've been feeling a little down about this. I feel like I got in way too late in the game and I'll never catch up. I'm 22 and just started my second year at university, and I do well... but I'd like to do better than just well.
Mostly I think what's at fault is that I got into math too late; I was 20 when I first picked up an Algebra / Pre-calculus book. A year later I entered university, and even though I'm comfortable enough to get good grades, I feel like I'm still playing "catch up"-- skills that should be as natural to me as + and - are still completely new, so I don't have the time to get a deeper understanding of what I'm learning; because I'm still double checking that I did my factoring right
.
My biggest fear is to always remain a step behind. The other kids in my class (well, the ones who are good) have been familiar with all of these ideas that are new to me for at least 5 years, if not longer. -- In her blog, Tanya Khovanova comments that at 15, she was told she might be too old to be serious about math
http://blog.tanyakhovanova.com/?p=73" ; I certainly can't think of a mathematician or physicist who wasn't doing it since childhood (Fermat maybe?)
I feel like just now I'm starting to begin to understand to "think in math", and starting to get a more intuitive understanding of concepts... but it's an uphill battle. I may be 22, but in math years, I'm 2.
Am I worrying too much? Will the playing field eventually level out? -- Anyone of you guys start out late or know of anyone who has?
My entire childhood, going through school, was nothing but a big, jumbled mess.
Basically, we moved back-and-forth between two states--A LOT! And as a consequence: I had literally attended something like 7 or 8 schools (if you also count Pre-school) in between Brooklyn, NY and parts of New Jersey; by the time I was just 18 years old. Needless to say: I've
never felt really settled anywhere.
To make matters worse: when I was 14, our grandfather died; and I took it really badly (he was the only stability we ever had, emotionally or financially). At the same time also, I literally had just started high school; and on top of that, I did so minus the few people I had gone though school with for about 3 years before.
I really just wanted to be left alone a lot, by that point. But, of course: somehow that just makes you an easier target for bullying! It's almost like you wear a sign on yourself: "please pick on me!"
Because instantly: you become a magnet for troublemakers.
I got jumped a couple of times while in my automotive shop class, and in gym; until eventually I just dropped out of high school altogether. I got tired of getting my *** kicked by appointment, I suppose. School seemed hardly about learning anything (beyond possibly learning to keep a low profile). It was indeed a very, very dark time in my life.
My only real enthusiasm at the time was, honestly, more to become an artist. I usually excelled in science and in history; but I never really appreciated either language arts or mathematics, oddly enough (and they are the basis of each, of course).
Eventually though, I guess I just got really angry with myself. By the time I was 16, I felt that I could create maybe at least decent illustrations, of animals or figures; but I always had this feeling somehow also, that I didn't want to go through life being just "a one trick pony." I also felt very guilty about quitting school. And so, one day: I literally just started reading, and working through portions of a GED exam book. And things sort of went from there.
I read and taught myself a lot: algebra, geometry, world history, physical science (pre-physics, if you will--something like a blend of basic physics and chemistry combined), literature (I read Shakespeare by myself, along with several copies of Cliffnotes).
The only writing I did, however, was in copying things that somehow felt important--because I wanted to take the SAT's; if only to prove to myself that I wasn't entirely stupid! I used to try to copy illustrations from textbooks a lot also.
Technically speaking: I stole a few books from my old high school (because, I never gave them back). I'm never going to either, by the way. Frankly, they can kiss my ***. They weren't using them for much more than paper weighs--or weapons--anyhow.
Still the point I'm trying to make: is that I absolutely NEVER felt like I was "good" at math somehow. I just did what was assigned to me, and got C's and B's mostly in junior high, if I remember correctly. It was just something we had to do for homework; and I didn't want to get yelled at for not doing.
And stupid as it sounds: I never saw the practicality of it, math; and even in spite of the fact that I enjoyed science class, and my personal
science projects so much.
Really I was living in my own head, and in my own world between the ages of 11-16. I just was oblivious to everything going on around me. Short of getting beat up on: I barely noticed anyone getting into trouble ever. It was like a cloud was around my head.
I absolutely never did drugs, smoked, or drank either--I was paranoid enough on my own!
I just literally just wanted to draw superheroes, and nothing else.
Anyway, I truly have always felt that maybe I could have been better: had I had this personal sort of "great awakening" and "enlightenment" much earlier than I did. But that's just not the way things worked out for me.
This is going to sound really cheesy, but the truth is: Bill Nye really saved me. While I was at home, as a something called 3-2-1 Contact. Even earlier still--as a very little boy (before school even)--I used to love this Physics program called Eureka!.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by-7kkAu2Pg
Maybe it was just the harpsichord in the theme music, that initially attracted me; but little did I know I would end up with a Physics degree. Go figure.
Eventually, I went back to high school, graduated with honors, and then went to Seton Hall.
I have to give credit though where credit is due: these women really saved my life too: http://www.altonfranciscans.org/; and if I hadn't ever known them, I probably would have ended up a mean, ruthless, selfish bastard, for all of the abuse I took. To this day, I refuse to drink.
Moral of the story: I dropped out of high school, sucked at math--and now I teach it! I got a 141 on the Praxis exam for Mathematics Content Knowledge, if that is any indication of what a person is capable of (137 needed to be certified to teach, in NJ at least).
Really, I shall always desire to have accomplished much more than this; still it is quite sobering and empowering for me, to acknowledge that I somehow managed it, even with very little help during my formative years (and virtually without any during college).
My physics professors were some of the most selfish men that I have ever met, in all of my life. I respected exactly 3 of them.
I guess that's why I became a teacher: because I've always resented suffering from instability; and in feeling entirely on my own, where my education was concerned.
Students need guidance, and the ability to rely on something; especially when they are young. And if schools cannot supplement those 2 basic elements--or supplant them altogether, if necessary: in light of the instability children frequently experience at home--then that is their real failure, in our society.
So don't give up the ship friend: you really CAN do anything if you are focused enough on what you want. For me at least, it took getting mad enough at myself.
bjb34 said:
The fact that you are concerned about falling behind to me says that you have nothing to worry about. You will keep doing well and inevitably pick these things up as second nature, it's only if you stop caring you will fail. 22 is still very young, and try not to worry about what other people are good at and how easily they achieve, the point is that doesn't matter in the end you walk away with a degree and none of that sh.. is of consequence.
Exactly! Boy but does that summarize a lot. : )
