Are You An Introvert Or An Extrovert?

[zoobyshoe]

Something I read once said the way to find this out about a person is to simply ask them: people know which they are.

I've been trying this lately, though, and most people are saying "depends". People don't seem to think of these as personality types but more as extended moods.

What are your criteria for calling someone an introvert or extrovert? Are these essentially personality types or can a person authentically step back and forth between them?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

For me it depends entirely on the situation, so I guess it would be more a function of mood and motive.

 

[zoobyshoe]

For me it depends entirely on the situation, so I guess it would be more a function of mood and motive.

But what are your criteria for calling yourself, or anyone, one or the other? Without looking the words up to pin down a definition, what are the characteristics you already think of as introverted or extroverted?

 

[scott_alexsk]

Would you say extroverted means also being concerned with others' thoughts?
-scott

 

[wolram]

I think i am an ambivert, although i am not sure of the ultimate definition.
some times i enjoy company, most times i like to be on my tod. work is
where i need to be extrovert, it keeps people of your back.

 

[SpaceTiger]

I'm an introvert, no question. I can be outgoing, of course, but I have much more active internal life than external. When I have some free time, my first instinct is usually to spend it by myself, not to call up my friends.

It does depend on my mood, but there are distinct differences between my behavioral patterns and those of my more extroverted friends. I couldn't say whether or not the distribution is truly bimodal, though.

 

[Moonbear]

But what are your criteria for calling yourself, or anyone, one or the other? Without looking the words up to pin down a definition, what are the characteristics you already think of as introverted or extroverted?

For me, it's also dependent on mood...or maybe more that I'm not quite either, so my mood changes my perspective on which I'd call myself. Introverted days are when I just find myself tuning out and becoming quickly tired and impatient with conversation...I just want to be left alone to get my work done or to get home and quietly relax. But, then when I'm feeling extroverted, I'll be the one stopping into visit people and I actually feel energized by being around groups of people. The reason I'd really say I'm probably a little in between the two is that most of the time I am happiest to be doing stuff in small groups. Unless I'm just trying to focus on getting something done without any distractions, I usually thrive when there are one or two people to chat with at a time, or no more than a group of about 5 or 6 to work with as a team. If I'm completely isolated from people, I crave more interaction, but if I go to a party with a lot of people, I also start to feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the whole thing. I can go around introducing myself to people and having conversations, but it's something that requires effort and I'd rather just sit in a corner with a small group and just talk with them.

Overall, my view is that being introverted or extroverted isn't an either/or thing, but like many other things, is more of a continuum from one extreme to another. Some people are so introverted as to feel uncomfortable with any social interaction. Others are so extraverted that they can spend a night with a large group of total strangers and know every one of them and have invitations for further social gatherings with them before the evening is out. I think most people fall somewhere in between.

I wonder if an easy way to tell whether someone is an introvert or extrovert is what sort of parties they hold? I would think a very introverted person would not really be interested in parties, but would instead just choose to invite over one or two friends at a time, or maybe just sits around waiting for someone else to issue invitations. A very extroverted person might go around inviting huge crowds to a party...the types of parties that fill the house and spill into the backyard. And, someone in between might be more likely to have a small group over for dinner, or a more tame party with under a dozen people invited.

So, I guess the question I'd be more likely to ask wouldn't be "Are you introverted or extroverted?" But, instead, "How introverted or extroverted are you?"

 

[Bladibla]

I'm selfish, spoiled, foul-mouthed, ill-tempered, insensitive, racist, manipulative, greedy

I guess that makes me introverted.

 

[selfAdjoint]

I'm selfish, spoiled, foul-mouthed, ill-tempered, insensitive, racist, manipulative, greedy

I guess that makes me introverted.

No, introverted doesn't mean self-centered. A real introvert would never be more than averge foul mouthed in public since that would take a degree of extroversion (i.e. enjoyment in seeing the reaction).

I think the reason for zooby's observation is that people have become accustomed to these online "what kind of a... are you?" exams and that has changed their expectations about themselves. For better or worse we live in a world where Briggs-Meyer and the big five are pop mind-candy.

 

[Alkatran]

Introvert. The first thing that comes to my mind when I have free time is also to spend it alone.

 

[turbo]

According to Tim Bedore, up north where he now lives "the introverts stare at their shoes and the extroverts stare at your shoes". Thanks to the Bob and Tom show...

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

Awkward and shy around large groups of strangers, extroverted amongst friends, although alcohol tends to bring me out of my shell.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

But what are your criteria for calling yourself, or anyone, one or the other? Without looking the words up to pin down a definition, what are the characteristics you already think of as introverted or extroverted?

Without looking up the definitions... I tend to think of an introvert as someone who tends towards introspection and private thoughts rather than interacting with others.

I really had to think about that. Now I can't wait to look it up.

 

[Evo]

Going by the dictionary definitions, I'm introverted. I'm an outgoing person, at ease in social surroundings and not afraid to speak my mind at work, unfortunately.

 

[Dawguard]

I'd definatly have to say introvert. I tend to prefer my own company rather then that of friends. Mostly I just stick to myself,and whenever I'm in a large group of people I rarely say anything.

 

[franznietzsche]

I'm a misanthrope. Which I suppose makes me an introvert by default.

 

[Gale]

hmm, so i wrote up this whole schpeil about introvert vs extrovert, and i think I've changed my mind maybe. i was saying how everyone needs social interaction, even introverts, the difference lies in who's comfortable in large crowds. but i dunno... i was trying to go through all the extroverts i know, and i came to the conclusion that they're all secretly introverted.

i think i have a new conclusion. the test is: if a good friend introduces you to a good friend of theirs you've never met, how do you react? extroverts are the ones who give hugs or start talking a ton or otherwise act very excited and comfy. introverts can vary from just polite "how do you do"s to just silence.

by that, I'm mostly introverted unless I'm some odd mood. which happens, but majority of the time, I'm just polite and smile and that's about it. .. oh and i think the people who hug are nuts.

 

[franznietzsche]

oh and i think the people who hug are nuts.

People who bring me food or coffee tend to randomly get hugs for it. one girl has lent me her espresso machine (which now resides in the Physics dpt student lounge). She's about four foot eleven, I'm six one, almost knocked her right over. Yeah, I'm nuts.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I'm an introvert, no question. I can be outgoing, of course, but I have much more active internal life than external. When I have some free time, my first instinct is usually to spend it by myself, not to call up my friends.

Introvert. The first thing that comes to my mind when I have free time is also to spend it alone.

I tend to think of an introvert as someone who tends towards introspection and private thoughts rather than interacting with others.

I'd definatly have to say introvert. I tend to prefer my own company rather then that of friends. Mostly I just stick to myself,and whenever I'm in a large group of people I rarely say anything.

These posts demonstrate the sort of thing I meant when I asked for people's off-the-top-of your-head criteria for deciding if a person were one or the other (although everyone only defined introverts). I'm wondering what people's general sense of these words is such that they might be able to apply them to themselves or others. So the kind of answer I'm looking for is something like "I think of an introvert as ..., and an extrovert as ..., therefore I'm an ..."

 

[Jonny_trigonometry]

Introverts are like fermions, and extroverts are like bosons.

 

[BobG]

I'm an introvert because I rarely talk about my emotional feelings and tend to avoid even talking about things that I have strong emotional feelings about. An extrovert is more open about their feelings, meaning there's very few things they avoid talking about.

When it comes to something more neutral, such as tires, people are sometimes shocked by how much I have to say.

For me, it's also dependent on mood...or maybe more that I'm not quite either, so my mood changes my perspective on which I'd call myself. Introverted days are when I just find myself tuning out and becoming quickly tired and impatient with conversation...I just want to be left alone to get my work done or to get home and quietly relax. But, then when I'm feeling extroverted, I'll be the one stopping into visit people and I actually feel energized by being around groups of people. The reason I'd really say I'm probably a little in between the two is that most of the time I am happiest to be doing stuff in small groups. Unless I'm just trying to focus on getting something done without any distractions, I usually thrive when there are one or two people to chat with at a time, or no more than a group of about 5 or 6 to work with as a team. If I'm completely isolated from people, I crave more interaction, but if I go to a party with a lot of people, I also start to feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the whole thing. I can go around introducing myself to people and having conversations, but it's something that requires effort and I'd rather just sit in a corner with a small group and just talk with them.

Overall, my view is that being introverted or extroverted isn't an either/or thing, but like many other things, is more of a continuum from one extreme to another. Some people are so introverted as to feel uncomfortable with any social interaction. Others are so extraverted that they can spend a night with a large group of total strangers and know every one of them and have invitations for further social gatherings with them before the evening is out. I think most people fall somewhere in between.

I wonder if an easy way to tell whether someone is an introvert or extrovert is what sort of parties they hold? I would think a very introverted person would not really be interested in parties, but would instead just choose to invite over one or two friends at a time, or maybe just sits around waiting for someone else to issue invitations. A very extroverted person might go around inviting huge crowds to a party...the types of parties that fill the house and spill into the backyard. And, someone in between might be more likely to have a small group over for dinner, or a more tame party with under a dozen people invited.

So, I guess the question I'd be more likely to ask wouldn't be "Are you introverted or extroverted?" But, instead, "How introverted or extroverted are you?"

I also think you can tell whether someone's an introvert or extrovert by how long their posts are.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I think that there are some more subtle distinctions that most people do not consider. I think it comes down to certain instinctive reactions.

The extroverted people I know have lots of friends that they keep in touch with regulalrly. Some of them even cycle between groups of friends hanging out more with one group for a month or two and then hanging out with another for a month or so. They all make friends with people rather easily everywhere they go striking up conversations with random strangers. Most of them tend to like to sing, dance, or whatever other sort of odd behavior in public places with little regard for modesty. They tend to talk rather loudly and about anything and everything no matter who's listening. They like to go to new places and tend to get restless if they spend too much time in the same place.

Introverts that I know tend to have fewer friends. They may have several aqauintances but there are really only a few people that they keep in touch with and spend time with regularly. They may like crowds but more as observers than as participants. They tend not to talk much unless you happen to touch on something that is a particularly favoured topic, ground they feel they can tread confidently. Or if they are comfortable with a person and know them relatively well they may be more open and talkative. Around strangers they tend to keep quite and listen more than talk. The like going to places they know and generally feel out of place in places they have never been before.

People may be close to center between the extremes but I think someone will generally fit either one category or the other pretty well. I think it hasn't so much to do with being around people or being alone but how they react and feel in such situations. I've known introverts that go out to new places and meet new people relatively often but they generally are more reserved and are doing so because of how thrilling it feels to them to break out of the mold of what they normally do. I've also known extroverts that just want to stay home sometimes but this is usually because they are recovering from be out and about and doing things all week. Sometimes extroverts get dispondant and this will lead them to seclude themselves but they will certainly get out again at the first opportunity that entices them.

The only people that I have met that are truly centrist in this respect, that will be out and about and extroverted for a length of time and then suddenly introverted not wanting to talk to people and mostly staying home or spending time alone for a while, have been bipolar.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Oh and regardless of post length I am an introvert.

 

[Cyrus]

Introverted

 

[Math Is Hard]

Perverted!

 

[JamesU]

I'll take the easy way out...ambivert

 

[zoobyshoe]

Perverted!

I would have pegged you as kittiverted, but I'll have to accept your self-assessment as better than my external viewpoint.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Oh and regardless of post length I am an introvert.

I liked your post: it's the closest to what I would have written (but I didn't want to lay out my views least it steer people into a certain class of answer).

I am definitely an introvert, but also extremely social. I crave being around other people and talking to them, but this is all for internal purposes, if that makes any sense. I don't get fused with external situations and other people the way extroverts seem to. Interacting with them is a way of reinforcing my internal sense of self, rather than being distracted from it. I think I end up knowing myself better by contrast to others. Extroverts seem to enjoy losing self awareness by getting swept up in the situation and other people.

 

[franznietzsche]

Introverts are like fermions, and extroverts are like bosons.

What about fermions that like bosons?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I am definitely an introvert, but also extremely social. I crave being around other people and talking to them, but this is all for internal purposes, if that makes any sense. I don't get fused with external situations and other people the way extroverts seem to. Interacting with them is a way of reinforcing my internal sense of self, rather than being distracted from it. I think I end up knowing myself better by contrast to others. Extroverts seem to enjoy losing self awareness by getting swept up in the situation and other people.

That's an interesting way of looking at it. I was trying to think of an internal reasoning that may be at play in the two groups. I wasn't able to come up with anything I thought was solid though. Your idea sounds about right.

 

[zoobyshoe]

That's an interesting way of looking at it. I was trying to think of an internal reasoning that may be at play in the two groups. I wasn't able to come up with anything I thought was solid though. Your idea sounds about right.

It could be, but I can't vouch for my understanding of extroverts.

I met an extremely attractive young woman last week who was a clear cut extrovert. She was a non-stop talker. I love the company of attractive women and to keep her interest all I had to do was listen: she stuck with me for three hours. In that time she said nothing whatever of any importance or that demonstrated any particular insights, but it was the way she talked that seemed to convey her meaning: she was enthusiastic about everything and just the act of existing seemed to give her pleasure.

I was already thinking about this introvert/extrovert thing when she showed up and my impression was that her way of finding her balance was to let things out as soon as the slightest pressure built up. There was no meanness or coldness to her. It was all good natured and warm. Still, I can only say what she appeared to be doing. I've never been in that state of mind myself and can't describe it from the inside. I don't think extroverts are ever introspective enough to examine themselves well enough to articulate it accurately, either.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

hmm, so i wrote up this whole schpeil about introvert vs extrovert, and i think I've changed my mind maybe. i was saying how everyone needs social interaction, even introverts, the difference lies in who's comfortable in large crowds. but i dunno... i was trying to go through all the extroverts i know, and i came to the conclusion that they're all secretly introverted.

i think i have a new conclusion. the test is: if a good friend introduces you to a good friend of theirs you've never met, how do you react? extroverts are the ones who give hugs or start talking a ton or otherwise act very excited and comfy. introverts can vary from just polite "how do you do"s to just silence.

by that, I'm mostly introverted unless I'm some odd mood. which happens, but majority of the time, I'm just polite and smile and that's about it. .. oh and i think the people who hug are nuts.

The French kiss, even strangers! Now that's odd

Actually when they do often you feel comfortable with it, it's little different from a handshake.

I usual have to be coerced into talking to someone I don't know, I have some odd stranger issues. What I find odd, or did when I was younger was that really shy people who seem to be real wall flowers or shrinking violets, who you assume lacked self confidence, when pushed can be very willfull and dominant, this always seemed to be a bit of a strange combination in people. They wouldn't interact but if you tried to step on their toes then you'd get a mouthful :)

 

[Jeff Ford]

I'm generally introverted unless alcohol is involved

The way my wife explained it to me is that it's dependent on what recharges you. If you've had a long day at work and the first thing you want to do to unwind is spend time with a group, you're an extrovert. If, in the same situation, you just want to go home and be alone, you're an introvert.

 

[BryanP]

Definitely introverted. A lot of my daily life occurs inside my room opposed to the outside world. It doesn't mean I don't have social skills though. I've been there before (had my share of an extroverted lifestyle), and in conclusion I just prefer doing things on my own.

 

[turbo]

Introverts are like fermions, and extroverts are like bosons.

Heterosexual introverts are like fermions, anyway. They don't mind sharing space with another fermion as long as their spin-states are different. Homosexual introverts are not necessarily bosonic - they just don't care what Wolfgang Pauli thinks.

 

[Gale]

I'm generally introverted unless alcohol is involved

The way my wife explained it to me is that it's dependent on what recharges you. If you've had a long day at work and the first thing you want to do to unwind is spend time with a group, you're an extrovert. If, in the same situation, you just want to go home and be alone, you're an introvert.

well if your wife said so, it must be true eh?

 

[Moonbear]

I'm generally introverted unless alcohol is involved

The way my wife explained it to me is that it's dependent on what recharges you. If you've had a long day at work and the first thing you want to do to unwind is spend time with a group, you're an extrovert. If, in the same situation, you just want to go home and be alone, you're an introvert.

What happens if either is okay? I just find that going home and being alone is usually the more available option...it's hard to find people willing to go out without pre-planning...maybe I just work with people who are mostly introverted? But, if I can wrangle up a few willing participants, then going out to play is a good way to put a rough day or week behind. Or, I can just go home and unwind with a hot bath or by cooking a nice dinner for myself.

 

[Lisa!]

by that, I'm mostly introverted unless I'm some odd mood. which happens, but majority of the time, I'm just polite and smile and that's about it. .. oh and i think the people who hug are nuts.

Crazier than those who hug are those people who want to kiss you anyway even if you swear you just catch a cold...

People who bring me food or coffee tend to randomly get hugs for it. one girl has lent me her espresso machine (which now resides in the Physics dpt student lounge). She's about four foot eleven, I'm six one, almost knocked her right over. Yeah, I'm nuts.

Not surprising if people wouldn't bring you anything after a while!

 

[franznietzsche]

Not surprising if people wouldn't bring you anything after a while!

Mostly they mail me stuff now

I'm supposed to be getting brownies...

 

[Entropy]

I'm a hermit so I'll go with introverted.

 

[GregA]

Introverts that I know tend to have fewer friends. They may have several aqauintances but there are really only a few people that they keep in touch with and spend time with regularly. They may like crowds but more as observers than as participants. They tend not to talk much unless you happen to touch on something that is a particularly favoured topic, ground they feel they can tread confidently. Or if they are comfortable with a person and know them relatively well they may be more open and talkative. Around strangers they tend to keep quite and listen more than talk. The like going to places they know and generally feel out of place in places they have never been before.

Wow!...I think I fit every one of those criteria!
Does anyone who knows they are strongly introverted ever do well at pretending that they're extroverts, I wish that I could do myself but never have the bottle to try.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Wow!...I think I fit every one of those criteria!
Does anyone who knows they are strongly introverted ever do well at pretending that they're extroverts, I wish that I could do myself but never have the bottle to try.

Being introverted and being shy aren't exactly the same thing. I think you can be introverted but not necessarily shy. I think that being an introvert means mainly that your concern is with what's going on inside yourself. An extrovert is more focused on exterior things. They are certainly affected by what's going on inside them, but they aren't paying conscious attention to it, I think.

Being shy is to be particularly preoccupuied with the thought that you won't come off well in other's eyes. That's something that can be overcome. Overcoming it won't make you an extrovert, but you can be a lot more social and even occasionally gregarious.