Are You Practicing These Good Manners?

[JasonRox]

Let's see what we all know about good manners...

I know to...

1 - Always open the door for a girl.
2 - Watch girl walk to door after dropping her off.
3 - Keep face clean while eating.

What do you know?

I know more, but I'll leave some open.

 

[wolram]

Let's see what we all know about good manners...

I know to...

1 - Always open the door for a girl.
2 - Watch girl walk to door after dropping her off.
3 - Keep face clean while eating.

What do you know?

I know more, but I'll leave some open.

Ouch and double Ouch, you said. Girl Twice
2 - Get out of car, open her door escort her to door.
3- Chew with mouth closed.

 

[zanazzi78]

A gentlemen, when walking with a lady, should position himself between the road and the lady!

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

Take a lady's elbow when climbing stairs so she can manage her hemline, especially if she's in heels.

When decending stairs position yourself below the lady so you can prevent her from stumbling.

Take your time walking around the vehicle so she can adjust her "whatever" before she exits.

When she exits a vehicle offer your hand so she can steady herself.

When being escorted through a restaurant don't assume the Maitre de will seat your lady guest. Steady her chair but let the lady pull her chair towards the table so you don't knock her feet out from under her.

When a lady approaches you and you are seated stand up and allow her to sit before you.

Don't immediately assume you are to order for the lady at a restaurant.

 

[Astronuc]

Ouch and double Ouch, you said. Girl Twice

Hey, he's young enough to be allowed to get away with it.

 

[Joel]

I know that you should:

Respect age, both young and old.

When in doubt, assume the best intent from your next.

Listen and learn.

Don't be fascionable late, be precice.

Admit when you are defeated and not gloat over your victory.

When having dinner at home, you should offer to serve dishes close to you.

In Finland, always accept an offer to a Sauna or excuse yourself for health reasons.



Now, this list sounds modest, but is surprisingly difficult for me to spit out my manners. I hope that's a good excuse.

 

[gravenewworld]

I can't believe the way some people eat their food at the table. They eat like barbarians. Such simple manners go a long way.

-Never eat with your elbow on the table
-Assuming you are right handed after you cut a piece of meat, put the knife down and out of your right hand and switch the fork to your right hand and then eat. Too many times people just cut and eat with the fork still in their left hand.
-Have your napkin in your lap
-Drink in the upper right
-When you are finished put the knife and fork together at the top of your plate.
-Chew with your mouth closed
-Don't slurp soup

You wouldn't realized how impressed employers will be with simple table manners that your mom taught you.

 

[Smurf]

-When you are finished put the knife and fork together at the top of your plate.

not the traditional number 5 position?

 

[Monique]

Assuming you are right handed after you cut a piece of meat, put the knife down and out of your right hand and switch the fork to your right hand and then eat. Too many times people just cut and eat with the fork still in their left hand.

I can't imagine eating like that. People are skilled enough to eat with their left hand without sticking the piece of meat up their nose..

I once had a date who talked so loud and much that people at other tables shushed him to quiet down a good manner suggestion: don't embarrass your date

 

[Andy]

Drink in the upper right? Change the fork between hands whilst eating?

The best manners i have is to always let the lady go first, they love that.

 

[stoned]

use fork/knife when eating food

 

[pattylou]

Don't eat your own boogers.

(well, stoned inspired me. And mom's rolling over in her grave now.)

 

[Evo]

A gentlemen, when walking with a lady, should position himself between the road and the lady!

Actually, in the city, a man should walk on the inside. I learned the reason when I lived in Chicago and dated a very "streetwise" Italian. We were walkng on Rush Street and he insisted on walking on the inside, between me and the buildings. He explained that muggers and purse snatchers hid in the doorways and would grab at women, he wanted to put himself between me and possible harm. I had never even given any thought to it before then.

 

[Evo]

Take a lady's elbow when climbing stairs so she can manage her hemline, especially if she's in heels.

When decending stairs position yourself below the lady so you can prevent her from stumbling.

Take your time walking around the vehicle so she can adjust her "whatever" before she exits.

When she exits a vehicle offer your hand so she can steady herself.

When being escorted through a restaurant don't assume the Maitre de will seat your lady guest. Steady her chair but let the lady pull her chair towards the table so you don't knock her feet out from under her.

When a lady approaches you and you are seated stand up and allow her to sit before you.

Don't immediately assume you are to order for the lady at a restaurant.

Ooh, major points for E6S.

 

[Evo]

I can't believe the way some people eat their food at the table. They eat like barbarians. Such simple manners go a long way.
-Assuming you are right handed after you cut a piece of meat, put the knife down and out of your right hand and switch the fork to your right hand and then eat. Too many times people just cut and eat with the fork still in their left hand.

YOU ARE CORRECT! I will break up with men that do not know this basic rule of dining etiquette. Also, the fork should not be upside down. I am horrified at how many people don't know how to eat. If you ask my daughters what the test is to judge if a man is worth dating, they will tell you what gravenworld said, I call it "The Fork Test". I'm absolutely serious. It is my MAIN pet peeve.

When my older daughter met a guy she really liked, she told me "he passed the fork test!" (she had asked me what to look for in a man)

 

[mattmns]

YOU ARE CORRECT! I will break up with men that do not know this basic rule of dining etiquette. Also, the fork should not be upside down. I am horrified at how many people don't know how to eat. If you ask my daughters what the test is to judge if a man is worth dating, they will tell you what gravenworld said, I call it "The Fork Test". I'm absolutely serious. It is my MAIN pet peeve.

When my older daughter met a guy she really liked, she told me "he passed the fork test!" (she had asked me what to look for in a man)

Breaking up with someone over how they hold a fork? That is absolutely absurd!

 

[Evo]

Breaking up with someone over how they hold a fork? That is absolutely absurd!

Not really, it has to do with deeper issues such as basic upbringing and culture. I'm not saying they are necessarily a loser, but history has proven to me that men that can't hold a fork correctly have turned out to be incompatible with me for other reasons.

That doesn't mean that a guy can't learn correct table manners. Ok, I will admit I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to etiquette.

 

[saltydog]

When my older daughter met a guy she really liked, she told me "he passed the fork test!" (she had asked me what to look for in a man)

Yea Evo. I told mine this is what to look for in a man:

Ask yourself three questions about your guy:

1. Will you kill me if I break up with you?

2. Will you harm my children?

3. Where do you go to get your paycheck cashed?

The last in reference to a local bar in the neighborhood which advertised, "pay day checks cashed here".

 

[Evo]

Yea Evo. I told mine this is what to look for in a man:

Ask yourself three questions about your guy:

1. Will you kill me if I break up with you?

2. Will you harm my children?

3. Where do you go to get your paycheck cashed?

The last in reference to a local bar in the neighborhood which advertised, "pay day checks cashed here".

First, I would hope my girls have enough smarts not to even have to wonder those things about a man, they wouldn't be talking to low life in the first place. I never have. (I don't think your girls would have trouble either, it's an intuitive thing)

Trust me, the "fork test" works. The men that pass it have always been absolutely wonderful. That doesn't mean that men that were raised without proper table manners can't also be nice, it's just something that has never failed. This thread "is" about "good manners".

To me, someone shoveling food into their mouth with their fork in the wrong hand is the same as if they started chewing on their toenails at the dinner table. Maybe they're nice, but we're not compatible.

 

[hypatia]

Unless your a doctor, don't answer your cell phone at the table.

Nerve make a public display of yourself.

Always let the elderly people go first{door, lines}.

If your unsure how to behave at a social event, look around and see what others are doing.

Don't stand right in front of the bathroom door when waiting for you partner.

And I walk sort of slow..and it bugs me when someone I'm dateing, won't match my pace. More so if he has me by the hand...I feel like I'm being dragged.

 

[Evo]

I just started a new job and had lunch with two people there that I think are fairly sharp. One guy was shoveling food into his mouth with his fork upside down and in his left hand like he was shoveling dirt into a pit, and the other was cramming huge amounts of food into his mouth so that his cheeks were bulging as he chewed. I was about to vomit.

I guess I am terrible for feeling this way, but I was raised to eat slowly and politely, it wasn't a race to the death. I think people in large families where food was scarce have the tendency to shovel food into their mouth. I've heard that from some people, either you stuffed yourself as fast as possible, or went hungry.

 

[juvenal]

I don't know this fork business. I must be uncouth.

 

[juvenal]

Also - I had this Chinese roommate one time, who used to make loud smacking noises as he ate. That bugged the hell out of me.

 

[Evo]

In some cultures smacking and burping are compliments.

I've noticed that the Japanese aren't familiar with fork etiquette, but that's understandable as they are new to it. They seem elegant though, even holding their forks wrong. They take small bites and have elegant movements. They hold the fork delicately with the tips of their fingers. It's the holding of the fork with a ham fist that repels me the most.

I only hold westerners to my "fork test".

I said I was a fork snob.

 

[juvenal]

BTW - do these formal table rules apply to informal situations? Like barbeques, picnics, or very casual restaurants?

 

[Smurf]

Not really, it has to do with deeper issues such as basic upbringing and culture. I'm not saying they are necessarily a loser, but history has proven to me that men that can't hold a fork correctly have turned out to be incompatible with me for other reasons.

A smart woman would teach him how.

 

[Evo]

BTW - do these formal table rules apply to informal situations? Like barbeques, picnics, or very casual restaurants?

No, only formal dining. I eat ribs and chicken like a pig.

I think eating fried chicken with a fork and knife is wrong (my relatives do that). Some foods just require full frontal attacks with the teeth. Gnawing food off the bone is wonderful.

edit: my spelling is getting really bad

 

[juvenal]

Smurf - good point. I thought that women often look at men, especially marriage-worthy ones, as "projects".

 

[juvenal]

No, only formal dining. I eat ribs and chicken like a pig.

I think eating fried chicken with a fork and knife is wrong (my relatives do that). Some foods just require full frontal attacks with the teeth. Knawing food off the bone is wonderful.

I guess we'll only be able to have PF BBQ's and picnics, then.

 

[Evo]

A smart woman would teach him how.

I've tried Smurf, but then they complain about me only bathing once a year and it gets ugly.

 

[Evo]

I guess we'll only be able to have PF BBQ's and picnics, then.

No silverware, a smart move! I can eat potato salad with my fingers if need be. Licking the plate is also allowed.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

It's the holding of the fork with a ham fist that repels me the most.

I have a family member that holds a spoon/fork hamfisted only after he bends the end down about an inch. Imagine trying to get children to act properly at the table when this is happening right in front of them by an adult. Another family member bites the utensil and scrapes it with her teeth on the way out! Children are allowed to put their mouth on the edge of the plate and scoop food into it... Odd thing is, the adults are very well educated and this is still allowed to happen. My visits there are brief.

 

[Chi Meson]

Not really, it has to do with deeper issues such as basic upbringing and culture. I'm not saying they are necessarily a loser, but history has proven to me that men that can't hold a fork correctly have turned out to be incompatible with me for other reasons.

Stay away from Brits. THis left-handed, upside-down fork methodology is standard practice there; quite proper, I might add. Another thing I had to unlearn from my own mum.

 

[Smurf]

I've tried Smurf, but then they complain about me only bathing once a year and it gets ugly.

Are you sure you got the story right? That you dumped them?

 

[Smurf]

Smurf - good point. I thought that women often look at men, especially marriage-worthy ones, as "projects".

A lot of guys get insulted about that, I don't know why. It's always seemed better to me than if you just go from guy to guy thinking 'It's ok, one day I'll find a guy who's perfect'. That's just dillusional, I don't want a woman who's dillusional.

Besides, if a girl can make me a better person, what's the harm?

 

[gravenewworld]

Trust me, the "fork test" works. The men that pass it have always been absolutely wonderful.

Hmm are we implying about me here? I have to give all the credit to my mom though.

 

[motai]

Stay away from Brits. THis left-handed, upside-down fork methodology is standard practice there; quite proper, I might add. Another thing I had to unlearn from my own mum.

I never really understood the left-handed, upside-down fork thing that Evo was mentioning. Mostly becuase I have never noticed it myself, or wasn't paying attention to everyone else's fork habits.

The upside-down thing is a little odd to me. I don't see any potential advantages to having it upside-down. Why is it done?

 

[Evo]

I never really understood the left-handed, upside-down fork thing that Evo was mentioning. Mostly becuase I have never noticed it myself, or wasn't paying attention to everyone else's fork habits.

The upside-down thing is a little odd to me. I don't see any potential advantages to having it upside-down. Why is it done?

I take it you are a right handed, right side up fork person?

If so, I rest my case.

 

[Evo]

Hmm are we implying about me here? I have to give all the credit to my mom though.

You pass the "fork test". It is all passed down through our moms, isn't it? I learned from my mom, and passed it down to my girls. But the thing is...IT WORKS!

 

[quantumdude]

Trust me, the "fork test" works. The men that pass it have always been absolutely wonderful.

Mmm-hmmm. And your current man, he has passed "The Fork Test"?

 

[Mk]

I don't know this fork business. I must be uncouth.

I don't know either, but I think I understand where its coming from. It seems like if you were hungrier or wanted to eat faster, you would eat fork down, whereas if you were a refined gentleman, you would eat fork up.

No, only formal dining. I eat ribs and chicken like a pig.

I think eating fried chicken with a fork and knife is wrong (my relatives do that). Some foods just require full frontal attacks with the teeth. Gnawing food off the bone is wonderful.

I eat ribs with a fork and knife, while fried chicken deserves the full frontal assault.

KFC is one of the most rapidly expanding buisnesses in Thailand, they are all very busy. When I dined at KFC in Thailand, I noticed everybody except me was eating with a fork and knife. I wonder what they thought of me. I never thought about how many ate fork up or fork down, left hand or right hand.

 

[photon]

when your on the phone with a girl, say "yeah" or "huh" every now and then. almost makes it sound like your listenining

 

[Evo]

Mmm-hmmm. And your current man, he has passed "The Fork Test"?

My most recent. Yes, he has. Even the Italian Stallion from Chicago that was from a working class family passed. Only one guy I went out on a date with failed, and someone set me up with him. I seem to be able to pick winners from a distance.

 

[Moonbear]

-Assuming you are right handed after you cut a piece of meat, put the knife down and out of your right hand and switch the fork to your right hand and then eat. Too many times people just cut and eat with the fork still in their left hand.

My understanding is that switching hands like that is an American thing and not a table manners thing. Nobody I know from Europe does that. There's no need to switch hands back and forth, that just seems silly. I worry about more basic things like chewing with your mouth closed, leaving the cell phone off when you enter a restaurant, talking at an appropriate volume that your dinner date can hear you but the rest of the customers cannot.

Oh, as for those who hold doors for the ladies, keep in mind that rule only applies in social situations, not business situations. You are supposed to treat women equally as men in a business situation, which means whoever gets to the door first can hold it for the next person (don't let it slam in their face), but there's no gender distinction there.

As for whether the gentleman stands on the curb side or building side of the sidewalk, Evo is correct that it depends upon where you are. If it is a dangerous city, the gentleman walks on the building side to protect the lady from would-be muggers, but if you are off on a country lane, the gentleman walks toward the road side to protect the lady from would-be mud splashing from passing vehicles. I think this rule alone is enough to convince the gentlemen they should all become feminists and put an end to such silly rules.

 

[Moonbear]

I just started a new job and had lunch with two people there that I think are fairly sharp. One guy was shoveling food into his mouth with his fork upside down and in his left hand like he was shoveling dirt into a pit, and the other was cramming huge amounts of food into his mouth so that his cheeks were bulging as he chewed. I was about to vomit.

Okay, I'm really unable to figure this one out. How do you "shovel" with a fork upside down? Wouldn't the fork have to be right side up to be shoveling with it?

I guess I am terrible for feeling this way, but I was raised to eat slowly and politely, it wasn't a race to the death. I think people in large families where food was scarce have the tendency to shovel food into their mouth. I've heard that from some people, either you stuffed yourself as fast as possible, or went hungry.

It's funny, this came up as dinner conversation with the crowd I was with tonight. We were with a large group and someone suddenly realized one person still had her plate nearly full when the rest of us were done eating, so commented that she must be the one doing all the talking. But the person who noticed is Asian and then was explaining that it took some getting accustomed to eating with her American husband's family because they just all fill their plates to the brim on the first pass through, while in her Asian family, you only take a small portion of food and make sure everyone else has some before you take any more, and if there's a guest, they always get the food if there is only one serving left, etc. It all sounded like reasonable etiquette to me, but I know what she means about the people who heap their plates to the top without consideration of who else is waiting after them. Also, my grandparents both came from large families, and I can't stand eating with them. They eat like a pack of animals on that side of the family, as if they are afraid someone is going to steal their food if they don't eat quickly enough. I'll still be working on my salad, and they'll have scarfed down the entire meal and be looking for dessert! Thankfully my dad's side of the family was more particular about etiquette so I learned proper table manners.

 

[juvenal]

As for whether the gentleman stands on the curb side or building side of the sidewalk, Evo is correct that it depends upon where you are. If it is a dangerous city, the gentleman walks on the building side to protect the lady from would-be muggers, but if you are off on a country lane, the gentleman walks toward the road side to protect the lady from would-be mud splashing from passing vehicles. I think this rule alone is enough to convince the gentlemen they should all become feminists and put an end to such silly rules.

In LA, we worry about drive-by shootings, so the lady is best on the building side.

 

[Evo]

My understanding is that switching hands like that is an American thing and not a table manners thing. Nobody I know from Europe does that. There's no need to switch hands back and forth, that just seems silly.

Actually my mother is French. Very refined. My Aunt and Uncle are a Count and Countess and own a very beautiful well known 14th century castle in France. I was raised with Aristrocratic manners. gravenworld is absolutely correct in what he wrote. I've known that all my life.

Perhaps aristocratic table manners are too much to expect? I believe Miss Manners suggested these as correct.

 

[gerben]

My understanding is that switching hands like that is an American thing and not a table manners thing. Nobody I know from Europe does that. There's no need to switch hands back and forth, that just seems silly.

Yes, that is apparently the difference. I was somewhat amazed when I read the responses in this thread approving of switching knife and fork while eating. I have seen people do this, and I guess now that they were probably mostly Americans. I always thought that they did that because of a lack of manual dexterity, just like little children who also try to refuse to use their left hand as much as possible.


I just “googled” it:

There are two ways to use a knife and fork to cut and eat your food. They are the American style and the European or Continental style. Either style is considered appropriate. In the American style, one cuts the food by holding the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left hand with the fork tines piercing the food to secure it on the plate. Cut a few bite-size pieces of food, then lay your knife across the top edge of your plate with the sharp edge of the blade facing in. Change your fork from your left to your right hand to eat, fork tines facing up. (If you are left-handed, keep your fork in your left hand, tines facing up.) The European or Continental style is the same as the American style in that you cut your meat by holding your knife in your right hand while securing your food with your fork in your left hand. The difference is your fork remains in your left hand, tines facing down, and the knife in your right hand. Simply eat the cut pieces of food by picking them up with your fork still in your left hand.

http://www.bsu.edu/students/careers/students/interviewing/dining/

 

[Moonbear]

Actually my mother is French. Very refined. My Aunt and Uncle are a Count and Countess and own a very beautiful well known 14th century castle in France. I was raised with Aristrocratic manners. gravenworld is absolutely correct in what he wrote. I've known that all my life.

Perhaps aristocratic table manners are too much to expect? I believe Miss Manners suggested these as correct.

Perhaps if I had the king and queen of some country or another over for dinner I might concern myself with aristocratic manners, but such formality is too stiff for friends. I do know not to drink out of the finger bowl though, even if it's flavored with lemon and there's a spoon nearby.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Stay away from Brits. THis left-handed, upside-down fork methodology is standard practice there; quite proper, I might add. Another thing I had to unlearn from my own mum.

I've seen this before and they seem very proper about it. I would think that Evo would give a pass to someone if they did so in an elegant fashion.

Street side or building side: I was told that the reason for this was that at one time when a man walked down the street with a woman towards the street it was because he was showing her off to prospective customers. I did though have a friend who was quite sure to stand on the street side to protect the lady from traffic.

I've found that paying for your date, at least in the first date, is generally a good idea. Adding to this I was once told that if you are out with a lady and one of her lady friends for cocktails you should pay for both of their drinks, at least the first round. I've done this and it was received rather well.

If you order a bottle or there is a table bottle you should pour for the lady. Be sure though that after the first or second glass you ask before pouring more, you don't want her to think you're trying to get her sauced.
Conversely if you are dining with Japanese people the lady or waitor/waitress is supposed to pour. I was out with some exchange students once and wasn't sure what to think when the pretty girl sitting next to me demanded, politely ofcourse, to pour my sapporo for me.
In some cultures and situations the youngest is supposed to pour.