How Can I Approach a Pretty Girl at My University Despite My Social Anxiety?

[psparky]

Socialization is hard. This thread, now that I reread, makes me seem as though I went from a social retard to a lady killer, but trust me it's exactly the opposite. I go to parties with the girl and can't even talk to her friends. I feel as though it's a combination of having nothing in common with them and me being too socially stupid to talk with them, with heavy emphasis on the latter. I got lucky with this one girl, but part of me knows it's likely not to last (it's an early college relationship, do those ever last?). I'm happy with her right now, but I like to keep my expectations in line with reality.

Anyway, I will continue taking tips because I will eventually need them.

Wait...you actually got the girl? Nice...that's what I'm talking about! I guess you are the big Buck on the hill!

Ya know...it takes a while to get experienced and comfortable with girls. Just like it takes quite a while to develop a really good personality in general.
These things do not typically jump out when you are in your 20's. Mid to late 30's...even early to mid 40's are more realistic. Some people refer to this as your "prime".

When you talk with her friends, compliment things about them, ask them how they know your lady. Ask them what they are going to school for...do they have a job? Where are they from? What kind of hobbies do they like? Are you getting drunk yet? Do you need a shot...? lol

Now keep in mind, you will often run into complete duds. These types of woman have no personality, no depth...they are just swept into there own who knows what. If you are talking to someone boring...the conversation is not going to work no matter what you do. Now real woman...you should be able to conversate with.

 

[nuuskur]

Now real woman...you should be able to conversate with.
Amen to that.

 

[psparky]

Now real woman...you should be able to conversate with.
Amen to that.

That's why you need to "dig" a bit when talking to people...get in there, unpeel some layers, see what's up.

Or perhaps "you" are the dud reading this. Well, sorry to hear that, but you will likely end up with a dud of the opposite sex...unless...

Here's the good news tho for the duds...looking to be studs. You can improve yourself in many ways. Like I said in earlier posts...smile more!
Make attempts to be funny! Try to be very self confident...work on it. Try to be more outgoing, try to be the Alpha Male...etc. Wear better looking clothes, fix your hair! etc,.. And I know some people will say just be yourself. Well, sometimes "just being yourself" can lead to a lifetime of lonliness! Come on now, almost anyone can improve themselves. Take a good look in the mirror and picture yourself from a female's eyes. Would you go out with YOU?

 

[B3NR4Y]

Wait...you actually got the girl? Nice...that's what I'm talking about! I guess you are the big Buck on the hill!

Ya know...it takes a while to get experienced and comfortable with girls. Just like it takes quite a while to develop a really good personality in general.
These things do not typically jump out when you are in your 20's. Mid to late 30's...even early to mid 40's are more realistic. Some people refer to this as your "prime".

When you talk with her friends, compliment things about them, ask them how they know your lady. Ask them what they are going to school for...do they have a job? Where are they from? What kind of hobbies do they like? Are you getting drunk yet? Do you need a shot...? lol

Now keep in mind, you will often run into complete duds. These types of woman have no personality, no depth...they are just swept into there own who knows what. If you are talking to someone boring...the conversation is not going to work no matter what you do. Now real woman...you should be able to conversate with.

Yeah I got her by complete luck, and believe me when I say luck. 100% luck, not accounted for in experimental uncertainty.

If I'm not the big-buck on the hill, I'm the bravest one I guess, which may as well make the biggest buck. One of her friends I am sure I can hold a conversation with, she's majoring in aerospace engineering, I'm majoring in Physics with a focus on the astrophysics part of that so next time we'll talk about that. The rest of her friends are any combination of undeclared, liberal arts, English, or *shudder* philosophy (jokes). I like her a lot, my last post may have made it seem like I don't, but I do I just like to be realistic about relationships. We haven't fought at all in the month we've been together. I don't drink so they probably think I'm weird, but it's a combination of me being too young to drink and me not being comfortable getting drunk when I only know one person there. If I were to ever get drunk, I'd want to do it with friends the first time because
1.) I'm not sure how much it would take for me to get drunk and all my friends are science majors so I could rely on them to accurately keep that data
2.) I don't feel comfortable throwing up in front of my girlfriend yet.
3.) I might do something crazy like Karaoke.

 

[B3NR4Y]

That's why you need to "dig" a bit when talking to people...get in there, unpeel some layers, see what's up.

Or perhaps "you" are the dud reading this. Well, sorry to hear that, but you will likely end up with a dud of the opposite sex...unless...

Here's the good news tho for the duds...looking to be studs. You can improve yourself in many ways. Like I said in earlier posts...smile more!
Make attempts to be funny! Try to be very self confident...work on it. Try to be more outgoing, try to be the Alpha Male...etc. Wear better looking clothes, fix your hair! etc,.. And I know some people will say just be yourself. Well, sometimes "just being yourself" can lead to a lifetime of lonliness! Come on now, almost anyone can improve themselves. Take a good look in the mirror and picture yourself from a female's eyes. Would you go out with YOU?

Self-improvement feels masturbatory (no I'm not quoting Fight Club), but I have done quite a bit of it lately. But sneakily doing it. I chose new glasses frames, I still have to wear thick glasses, but I look more like Peter Parker than a run-of-the-mill science guy. I wear new cologne that I had my girlfriend choose, I got a new pair of shoes (hardest part because I have big feet, size 13-1/2, and only some pairs fit and are comfortable), I got new stylish socks and pants, I stopped wearing the same sweater every day and I stopped wearing big headphones (despite the comfort they gave when I jam to Mozart).

My sister and my girlfriend helped transform me, I feel like a hipster but some girls have came up and talked to me out of nowhere, so I must have done something right.

 

[nuuskur]

I'm sorry, "trying to be alpha male" or what ever it is, is the most BETA thing one can do.
Try to be self confident? No, BE self-confident.

Consider your partner in conversation as your equal. It doesn't matter if they are male or female. If they are these "duds", it will soon be apparent.

 

[psparky]

Nibbling on feet...Never, just the thought of it repulses me.

In the movie "scent of a woman" with Al pacino, in the plane scene, he talks about "how he doesn't care if a woman has greek columns or terastyles for legs, doesn't matter...inbetween those legs, passport to heaven...

In other words, don't worry about the feet.

In fact, in that plane scene he says that in life there are only two sylabbles in life worth saying.

Yes, that word, very good:)

Actually, watch that movie or watch it again. It has excellent insight of a true sort of love for the female form. Might be helpful.
I just watched it again...perfect insight for me at this point in life.

Here's another good line. In the plane scene he says he loves woman above all other things. Maybe a very far distant 2nd is a Ferarri.

In all seriousness...what is the distant number 2 thing compared to a woman? What? Golf? Video Games? Hiking? Parachuting? etc...

Its all B.S.

Love in a woman is the juice.

 

[nuuskur]

I strongly recommend you to edit your post and remove the big word.

 

[psparky]

I'm sorry, "trying to be alpha male" or what ever it is, is the most BETA thing one can do.
Try to be self confident? No, BE self-confident.

Sorry, perhaps your words were better. Confident...be confident...my folks been telling me that since I was 5 years old.
Confidence is just about everything...not only in woman, but everything else as well.

 

[Pythagorean]

Alpha male doesn't even make sense in human society, unless you're talking about a father as head of household or a harem lord or the leader of a gang or something; the term has been bastardized by so called "pick up artists".

Yes, confidence is sexy, whether male or female. Sometimes you can make other people feel confident and comfortable and that should really be your goal with people you like and want to learn more about.

 

[psparky]

Alpha male doesn't even make sense in human society, unless you're talking about a father as head of household or a harem lord or the leader of a gang or something; the term has been bastardized by so called "pick up artists".

Yes, confidence is sexy, whether male or female. Sometimes you can make other people feel confident and comfortable and that should really be your goal with people you like and want to learn more about.

Alpha males and females are very real thing in our society. So is the Beta and the Omega. Just look around your workplace, school, home or wherever.
They are easy to pick out if you look carefully.

 

[Pythagorean]

Alpha males and females are very real thing in our society. So is the Beta and the Omega. Just look around your workplace, school, home or wherever.
They are easy to pick out if you look carefully.

That sounds like a very anecdotal approach, likely full of cognitive biases.

 

[Rick21383]

That sounds like a very anecdotal approach, likely full of cognitive biases.

wrong. And, until you admit that this is a real thing, you will continue to be the person standing off by himself watching all the women focus their attention on the alpha male who's controlling the entire room.

Sorry but it's a fact. It's not that difficult to observe this.

 

[Pythagorean]

wrong. And, until you admit that this is a real thing, you will continue to be the person standing off by himself watching all the women focus their attention on the alpha male who's controlling the entire room.

Sorry but it's a fact. It's not that difficult to observe this.

To me, your post seems foolish, having so confidently swung and missed in your assumptions about me. I wouldn't be surprised if that kind of swinging in the dark carried over to your confidence in pu theory...

 

[nuuskur]

wrong. And, until you admit that this is a real thing, you will continue to be the person standing off by himself watching all the women focus their attention on the alpha male who's controlling the entire room.

Sorry but it's a fact. It's not that difficult to observe this.

It's something what you believe to be true, not a fact. Do not mistake the two :D But as you say, you observed this...

 

[NTW]

I had once a friend who was very often seen in the company of pretty girls, some of them spectacular beauties.

He didn't hide his 'secret'. He tried with every pretty girl that crossed in his path. 99% of the times -well, perhaps not that much, but most of the times- he was rejected. But sometimes he was not... And there is a very substantial difference between 1% and 0%. It's the reward for trying...

 

[Rick21383]

To me, your post seems foolish, having so confidently swung and missed in your assumptions about me. I wouldn't be surprised if that kind of swinging in the dark carried over to your confidence in pu theory...

This isn't pu theory bro... this is basic psychology.

You go right ahead convincing yourself that this doesn't happen though...

 

[psparky]

Thanks for the support on the Alpha's, people.

I date the Alpha female of our group, she is tall and beautiful and gets even better looking when she talks. Her inner beauty shines. Thats a rarity.
I"m not the tallest or the best looking in our group, but I am the Alpha male...Big personalilty, big smile and a bunch of other intangibles allow me to be the big buck on the hill. I am only 5'-8"...she is 5'-9" in bare feet. In heels she is 6'-1 or 6'-2". In her own words..."baby, you are 6'-8" to me. Ok, I can live with that. And let me tell ya, I had to go through a lot of sub par women to get to her! What a journey!

But ya, we all kinda go by rank. Girls are always going to get the highest rated buck possible, and guys are always going to try to get the highest rated female possible.

Now here's the thing...what does highest rated mean? That's left up to the individual. Is it best looking? Most money? Most dominant? Best personality? Sexiest body? etc...or is it just the way that one person can make you feel like no one else can?

And like I said...its not just with women. Its at work, at the motorcylce track, at the football field, in the house, outside of the house, in the elevator...everywhere.
If you don't believe this, you need to watch more of the nature chanel. Human beings are almost identical to wild animals...especially our instincts.

Obviously everyone can't be the alpha...but you need to find the "alpha" of your ranking...it just won't work otherwise.

To the original poster...HOWS IT GOIN WITH THAT LADY!?

 

[Rick21383]

Girls are always going to get the highest rated buck possible, and guys are always going to try to get the highest rated female possible.

This is absolutely true and there are several factors that contribute to a person being "alpha". It's not just about looks either... I've seen overweight guys, short guys, etc. clean up with women because they have off the charts charisma, for example.

With the exception of height and looks (actually even looks can be improved simply by dressing well & grooming oneself properly) these attributes CAN be picked up, even if they aren't innate.

That's why I have no sympathy for people that claim an alpha male "doesn't make sense in human society". They're clueless and unwilling to admit how the real world works when it comes to social interactions and members of the opposite sex.

 

[nuuskur]

The definition of an alpha personality seems quite elusive here. I can agree that women like strength in men, not just physical, but mental strength as well, the ability to provide and protect and social skills.

Going for the highest rated buck? I would go for the woman I enjoy spending time together with not the one that is the most popular among any given group of women or the highest rated buck, then again, she would be the "highest rated buck" to me. It is so individual, it's just impossible to pinpoint. Generalisations could be made, but basing one's view of the world ON those generalisations is faulty, in my opinion.

 

[psparky]

This is absolutely true and there are several factors that contribute to a person being "alpha". It's not just about looks either... I've seen overweight guys, short guys, etc. clean up with women because they have off the charts charisma, for example.

With the exception of height and looks (actually even looks can be improved simply by dressing well & grooming oneself properly) these attributes CAN be picked up, even if they aren't innate.

That's why I have no sympathy for people that claim an alpha male "doesn't make sense in human society". They're clueless and unwilling to admit how the real world works when it comes to social interactions and members of the opposite sex.

Apperantlly we agree!

Alpha: Strongest, most dominant in pack of animals or humans.
Beta: 2nd strongest, 2nd most dominant in pack of animals or humans.
Omega: Weakest, most timid, most passive in pack of animals or humans. (often does not mate or reproduce! facts of life)

 

[Pythagorean]

It's hard to argue against dogma. I'll just leave this article full of actual research and not personal anecdotes here;

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/07/07/the-myth-of-the-alpha-male/

 

[psparky]

Nothing on this thread is factual...its all opinion. If you have a strong opinion on something, then stick with it.

Just like when I have a strong opinion on something, I stick with it.

Its just discussion on the fascinating topic of relationships and sexuality.

 

[Pythagorean]

Well it can be factual. Rather than depending on the "authority" of self-proclaimed "alpha males".

 

[psparky]

Well it can be factual. Rather than depending on the "authority" of self-proclaimed "alpha males".

Are you male or female? I honestly can't tell.

I'm actually more of an "authority" on alpha females.

 

[nuuskur]

That just made my day :D Wow, anyway..

Statistics does not generate facts :)

 

[Pythagorean]

Are you male or female? I honestly can't tell.

I'm actually more of an "authority" on alpha females.

Does my sex actually matter?

 

[psparky]

Does my sex actually matter?

Just curious...I might give me some insight on your opinions. Also...what's your rank? Are you more Alpha...mid-pack...or Omega?

 

[nuuskur]

Asking something like that is a sign of personal insecurities, and That is a fact, no judgment, though. Proceed..

 

[zoobyshoe]

It's hard to argue against dogma. I'll just leave this article full of actual research and not personal anecdotes here;

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/07/07/the-myth-of-the-alpha-male/

Taken together, the research suggests that the ideal man (for a date or romantic partner) is one who is assertive, confident, easygoing, and sensitive, without being aggressive, demanding, dominant, quiet, shy, or submissive. In other words, a prestigious man, not a dominant man.

In fact, it appears that the prestigious man who is high in both assertiveness and kindness is considered the most attractive to women for both short-term affairs and long-term relationships. This research should offer some assurance that the genuinely nice, passionate kid who learns a culturally valued skill can be immensely attractive.

Further, seeking to become a prestigious man is not only the surest route to success with women, but achievement in any area of life.

Thus, I think a much more effective and healthier route for men having difficulty attracting women is not to attempt to cultivate the traits of the stereotypical, dominant “alpha,” but to cultivate the traits of the prestigious man. This means developing a skill that brings value to society, and cultivating a stable sense of identity. Such a route will not only make you more attractive to women, but will also create the most satisfying life for yourself in general. In my view, attempting to don the persona of the “alpha” is analogous to building a house of cards. There’s no stable foundation supporting your worth.

Good article. I've seen a mass of hapless guys trying to become the "dominant" male by turning themselves into what boils down to being a kind of Moe from the Three Stooges.