This whole effect is not intuitive and was not expected; Tolman's original work, followed by many further analyses by others was a surprise consequence of GR. I am not going to answer your speculations in detail, because a correct understanding of this phenomenon must be based on general relativity, not intuitive speculations based on photons (which are not elements of any GR treatment; within GR as a classical theory, light must be treated as an EM field, or, in some cases, may be approximated as 'null dust').
A vague verbal description of what GR actually says about this phenomenon is that for parallel beams, gravito-magnetic effects exactly cancel attraction. This does not happen for anti-parallel beams. An example paper describing this analysis is:
https://arxiv.org/abs/gr-qc/9811052
A pedagogic argument of mine provides intuition on this, while not being rigorous. The lack of rigor is that the argument is primarily SR based, rather than using the full machinery of GR. Consider two parallel beams of light. There exist frames in which the energy density of both beams can be made arbitrarily small, as close to zero as desired. These are as valid for analysis as any other. For zero energy density, one does not expect gravitational interaction. On the other hand, for antiparallel beams, all frames have one or both beams having significant energy density.