Can the Power of the Internet Reconnect Me with My Long-Lost Father?

[zomgwtf]

This is quite a long and pretty personal story, I'll try to just summarize it.

Starts with my birth, my mom was quite young and so was my father. My mom was 15 when she got pregnant with me and I think my father was the same age. (I'd rather no one post smirk remarks about this piece of info.) When I was born my father held me one time and not too long after he had to move away to BC with his parent. So in reality I only ever met him one time when I was probably just a few days old.

My mom then got married when I was around 5 years old to my step-dad. He kind of treated me differently in the future when compared to my brother and sister... he still treated me like his son though and I think he raised me well. My mom explained to me when I was around 10 or so about who my father was and how he had left to BC. It didn't really phase me at all and to this day it really doesn't bother me. I just know that I would never be able to do that to my own child no matter the situation... it's just not something I could live with.

Anyways I am now 21 years old and about a week ago I was in the car with my parents and somehow a conversation between them came up about my father. My mother had mentioned which school he went to and it happened to be the same high school that I had attended and graduated from not too long ago... it kind of felt weird to know that. My girlfriend had always been bugging me that I should try to look for my father and just see who he is and stuff but I've never really registered that he was any sort of relation to me. It doesn't bother me at all that he left or that I don't know him, those are all his problems.

I was laying in bed last night though talking to one of my friends about what new information I had received about my father and it was then that I had decided that I was going to try and find out who he was. I figured that the school would have yearbooks from every year that the school was open in the library. So I was thinking about going there to check those out. However last night on Facebook I noticed a network, it was my high school but a graduating class of '89... the year I was born. I figured if my father had left when I was born in '89 then he had attended school that year and the year prior. So I msg'd a few people which were part of this network asking if they still had yearbooks. When I woke this morning a kind man from a town pretty much nextdoor had msg'd me back saying he did have his yearbook and he would loan it to me if I had a reason for it. So I explained my situation and I told this man my fathers first name (that's all I knew) and what grade I thought he would be in. An hour later the man msg'd me back telling me he had found only one person with that name in the grades I gave to him. (he was in grade 10) He gave me his full name and offered to give me the yearbook.

I went on to the whitepages and looked up my fathers full name with all this new information I had gathered and voila, I found the only person living in BC with his name. He's a construction manager for an electrical company there so I was able to get his e-mail off their website as well. I'm not exactly sure what to say to the man, after all I'm only 90% sure that he's the person I'm looking for. (My mom had mentioned also that his dad was a construction manager and that he had got a job in construction in BC... so it makes even more sense) I'm also not even sure if I want to get into contact with this man...

Anyways I just thought I'd share this story with you folks here. I think it's pretty 'cool' that I could do all that in just 12 hours over the internet.

 

[KrisOhn]

Wow, can't say I was expecting that when I clicked on this thread. Pretty amazing story. And yes, the question whether to contact him or not to contact him would be a very, very personal decision; the only advice I can offer is to look to the future and try to predict which decision you will regret less later in your life. Anyways, congratulations (I guess) on (probably) finding your father. I hope you can find everything you need to get through this time happily.

 

[Moonbear]

None of us can suggest to you how to use that information (and I don't think your GF should push you one way or another about it either). It's up to you if you want to try to contact him or not. Really, he has never been a father to you, and it sounds like your stepfather is much more your father, so there isn't likely to ever be any emotional connection, so you might want to be cautious about people getting your hopes up.

The one thing that could be useful about contacting your biological father would simply be to get a family medical history in case you ever need it.

I'd suggest you discuss it with your mother before you make any decisions though. She may not want that man brought back into her life either.

 

[Kronos5253]

I can't answer whether or not you should contact him or tell you what you should say to him, but I can tell you what I would do if I was in your place.

If I was planning on having kids, I would definitely contact him. The reason behind that is for medical records. Now that's not the only reason I personally would, but it's the most important. I would want to know his side of the medical history, because that information can be make or break later on in life.

 

[lisab]

That really is an amazing story.

I guess it's becoming nearly impossible to live a normal yet anonymous life. Perhaps if you have a very common name you could be lost in the crowd. Kind of ironic, finding anonymity by being ubiquitous.

 

[dlgoff]

If I went to all the work to find someone, I would follow thought and make contact. If it's not the right person, I'd find out. If it's was my father, he may want the contact. But that's just me.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I personally do not have any desire to be in contact with my biological father. I did though have a rather limited relationship with him when I was young so that may make a big difference. I also do not have strong familial bonds. You may wonder if it is a good idea because you have known people who do not want to have contact with their fathers. I think it is likely that their situations are different from yours.

I would suggest speaking with your mother about it perhaps. Most of the people I have known that have contacted their long lost parents that they never really knew have had good experiences. Considering his potential feelings on the matter is probably most important which is why I suggest speaking to your mother since she would probably have a better idea about that. In the end I would imagine that unless he has become a curmudgeon he will likely be happy to hear from you if perhaps a bit overwhelmed or taken off guard at first.

Just my thoughts. Good luck.

 

[Evo]

If you chose to contact him, be very discreet. He may be married and have children. He may not have told his wife about you.

 

[lisab]

You sound very grounded about this, zomgwtf. Someone close to me had a similar situation with a missing dad, only she wasn't so smart about it.

I have a feeling whatever you decide, you'll be able to live with that decision just fine. Good luck!

 

[zomgwtf]

Maybe I should discuss it with my mother I don't think she'd really mind though as she has always told me that she would never stop me if I attempted to find him.

I'm not sure if I want to be in contact just because it feels kind of awkward. I don't really have any 'connection' with him at all and don't mind not knowing him either since I never have. Some part of me though kind of wonders like who he is as a person.

@Evo, I never really thought about that. I mean I had thought about him having his own family and stuff but I never thought about being discreet about it. I'll certainly keep that in mind.

I definitely do think it's pretty amazing that I found him so quickly. I've used the internet previously for a similar cause and found exactly what I needed to know. It's kind of weird though, that people can find pretty much anyone they want over the Internet.

Thanks for all the comments guys I'll certainly be taking many of them into consideration.

 

[waht]

I've heard stories where 30 years later families get reunited because they couldn't find out where they lived. You did it under 12 hours, nice.

 

[MotoH]

A friend of mine met his biological father when he was 18, and said it was the greatest experience of his life. He said that they both did exactly the same thing when they were nervous, which was rip a napkin into little pieces. He said he never regretted meeting his dad, even though he left when he was born.

It's all up to you though man. I say go for it, you might make a friendship with him that will last a lifetime. You never know until you try.

 

[Andre]

Think of what message you would send to yourself back from the future; what would that be? Anything between 'good-thing-that-you-never-bothered' and 'a.h., why-didn't-you-it-while-you-still-had-a-chance?'. Maybe find out what others did in that situation, especially when it was too late.

I think you know the answer.