Collection of Lame Jokes

[Stavros Kiri]

I couldn't help it filling in for the 5000th joke:

A Frenchman and a US American are competing in Paris for "tallest buildings" ... :
A: what building is that?
F: Tour Triangle. Really big!
A: Pfff! That's nothing. In the US we build those in a week! ...

A: And this one?
F: Tour Montparnasse. Our biggest true skyscraper here in Paris!
A: No big deal. In Manhattan they build those in ten days! ...

Then the Frenchman gets pissed off and takes him under the the Eiffel Tower ...
A: Which one is that? It's kind of cute!
F: Gee! I don't know what to tell you! ... Yesterday I passed by, it wasn't here! ...

 

[DaveC426913]

I don't get it...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I don't get it...

Are you asking me to explain it or a clue?

 

[DaveC426913]

Are you asking me to explain it or a clue?

Your choice.

I'm noticing similarities between Tour and Tower, and trying to think of a French word that sounds like 'Eiffel' but means something like 'instant'.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Your choice.

I'm noticing similarities between Tour and Tower, and trying to think of a French word that sounds like 'Eiffel' but means something like 'instant'.

No pun. Just a direct joke, focussed on "how long [it takes to build them]" ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Wow! There was a kidnapping at my son's school today. But it was ok - he woke up.

He woke up? Or you did?

 

[DaveC426913]

He woke up? Or you did?

The napping kid.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

The napping kid.

Smart! Thanks

 

[Ibix]

What type of photos do Santa's little helpers take?

Elfies.

(Courtesy of an advent calendar).

 

[fresh_42]

What do you call a Santa who missed the chimney?

Spoiler

Santa Close.

 

[jack action]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 235273​

Did he get the right batteries though?

 

[DrGreg]

I'm trying to come up with an original version of a pun that is nothing like the original.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I'm trying to come up with an original version of a pun that is nothing like the original.

You just did!

 

[BillTre]

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

 

[davenn]

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

someone here used to have that as a signature ... I thought it was @sophiecentaur
but he doesn't currently have it, maybe he changed it ?

 

[Borg]

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

That's exactly why I refused to join a fraternity that wanted me.

 

[sophiecentaur]

someone here used to have that as a signature ... I thought it was @sophiecentaur
but he doesn't currently have it, maybe he changed it ?

Yes. I think that was me. (Sorry - That was I. Don't let grammatical standards slip.)

 

[Ibix]

Don't let grammatical standards slip.

...or else they won't let you join a club that wouldn't have you?

 

[fresh_42]

How can one distinguish an extroverted mathematician from an introverted one?

Spoiler

The extrovert mathematician looks at your feet when he speaks to you.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Yes. I think that was me. (Sorry - That was I. Don't let grammatical standards slip.)

I too ...

 

[sophiecentaur]

I too ...

You dunnit two?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

You dunnit two?

I too ...

I II
1 2

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

Well, you can always join a club that doesn't have you as a member ... {and then resign!}
[Then it would't have you as a member ... because you would resign ...]

 

[jtbell]

What do you call someone who has to stop driving because of a sudden attack of the hiccups, and flag down another driver to take him to the doctor?

Spoiler

A hitchhicker.

 

[Klystron]

Lame attempt at humor:

Why did the anthropologist break off with the kinesitiologist, knithestologist, kineisotologist,...?

She hated his mother!

 

[fresh_42]

Lame attempt at humor:

Why did the anthropologist break off with the kinesitiologist, knithestologist, kineisotologist,...?

She hated his mother!

Reminds me of an actual dialogue between my Dad (D) and his neighbor (N) many years ago:

D: I see you have a new car. What is it?
N: It's a Missushi. No, a Mittiushi. No, it's a Misbitshi. Damn, it's a Japanese.

 

[Ibix]

It's a Missushi. No, a Mittiushi. No, it's a Misbitshi. Damn, it's a Japanese.

I know how to spell bananananananana. I just have trouble with when to stop. (Also Missississississississipi).

 

[mfb]

It's easy, you stop after "na".

 

[Ibix]

It's easy, you stop after "na".

The "Hey Jude" school of spelling.

 

[Borg]

From another forum that I frequent.

 

[jtbell]

I know how to spell bananananananana. I just have trouble with when to stop. (Also Missississississississipi).

And then there's Addis Ababababa.

 

[davenn]

From another forum that I frequent.

View attachment 235602

Ben Franklin's name was the one that came to me first when I saw that, Not Galileo

 

[Ibix]

Ben Franklin's name was the one that came to me first when I saw that, Not Galileo

Doesn't really matter to me.

 

[collinsmark]

I know how to spell bananananananana. I just have trouble with when to stop. (Also Missississississississipi).

I think you missed a 'p' in your Missississississississippi

 

[fresh_42]

I think you missed a 'p' in your Missississississississippi

They don't pee in rivers where Ibix lives

 

[Ophiolite]

I think you missed a 'p' in your Missississississississippi

On health grounds I don't think you should p in the Mississippi!

Edit: Cross posted. Great minds stink alike.

 

[Ibix]

They don't pee in rivers where Ibix lives

No more than once, anyway.

 

[DrClaude]

 

[DrGreg]

Does origami have manyfold practitioners?

 

[fresh_42]

Does origami have manyfold practitioners?

Well, you have to differentiate here, which makes the answer problematic at certain points. I wished I had a smooth answer for you.

 

[DrGreg]

Well, you have to differentiate here, which makes the answer problematic at certain points. I wished I had a smooth answer for you.

I hope you're not confusing "manyfold" with "manifold". That's a different joke to mine.

 

[Ibix]

Does origami have manyfold practitioners?

Ideally, you get curvature singularities at the corners I think.

 

[fresh_42]

I hope you're not confusing "manyfold" with "manifold". That's a different joke to mine.

Still problematic. I mean, mathematically a zerofold is still a manyfold, but is a sheet of paper already an origami?

Reminds me on how we count here: $1,2,$ more, many, many more.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I just have trouble with when to stop.

Tourette syndrome?

 

[Ibix]

Tourette syndrome?

I can never remember how many ts there are in that, either.

 

[Klystron]

Very last attempt:

I used to date a kinestheisologist, kinofaestiologist, kinofaci,

She exercised a lot!

[edit: See? the twist from not being able to spell to describing.]

 

[Mark44]

I can never remember how many ts there are in that

Two t's in "that." OTOH "this" has only one t.

 

[Ibix]

Two t's in "that." OTOH "this" has only one t.

By coincidence, OTOH also has only one t.

 

[Mark44]

By coincidence, OTOH also has only one t.

Not if you say it as, "On t'other hand."