Collection of Lame Jokes

  • Thread starter Thread starter quddusaliquddus
  • Start date Start date
  • Tags Tags
    Jokes
AI Thread Summary
The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #5,101
fresh_42 said:
I know a correct German sentence with six identical words in a row (modulo caps) - does this count?
Bring 'em on, bitte !
 
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #5,102
"Wenn vor Fliegen Fliegen fliegen fliegen Fliegen Fliegen nach."

Google translate couldn't handle it, so I have to do it myself ... "If in front of flies fly flies flies fly behind flies."
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes jtbell, Klystron and WWGD
  • #5,103
fresh_42 said:
"Wenn vor Fliegen Fliegen fliegen fliegen Fliegen Fliegen nach."

Google translate couldn't handle it, so I have to do it myself ... "If in front of flies fly flies flies fly behind flies."
Will Diego go golfing? Go Diego go! Best I can find in English.
 
  • #5,106
James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.

It refers to two students, James and John, required by an English test to describe a man who had suffered from a cold in the past. John writes "The man had a cold", which the teacher marks incorrect, while James writes the correct "The man had had a cold". Since James' answer was right, it had had a better effect on the teacher.

Extracted from the Wikipedia article James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher

Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes dextercioby, Ibix, Klystron and 1 other person
  • #5,107
DrGreg said:
James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.

It refers to two students, James and John, required by an English test to describe a man who had suffered from a cold in the past. John writes "The man had a cold", which the teacher marks incorrect, while James writes the correct "The man had had a cold". Since James' answer was right, it had had a better effect on the teacher.

Extracted from the Wikipedia article James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher

Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License
What if James and John had had... a Buffalo...?
 
  • #5,108
fresh_42 said:
"Wenn vor Fliegen Fliegen fliegen fliegen Fliegen Fliegen nach."

Google translate couldn't handle it, so I have to do it myself ... "If in front of flies fly flies flies fly behind flies."
Italians have a saying: (~ transl.) "if the boat goes goes goes let it go go go ..."
 
  • #5,109
WWGD said:
Thanks, those are fun too, but I am referring to consecutive equal syllables. There is a company in India called "Tata": Then we can do:

The issue was fixed thanks to the Tata Tax system. Ta-ta-ta
Or:
I will miss Miss Miss(Issippi). EDIT:

Or, as mfb's one : I will have a Muon On Onion.

Imagine they're examples of consonance. I like actual sentences; not too strained, with meaning and regular grammar. I tried to shift syllables then match final letters in the "Gretchen Green" line. I also like the appearance of the letters and sub-text "M-O-O" in mfb's.
 
  • #5,110
Klystron said:
Imagine they're examples of consonance. I like actual sentences; not too strained, with meaning and regular grammar. I tried to shift syllables then match final letters in the "Gretchen Green" line. I also like the appearance of the letters and sub-text "M-O-O" in mfb's.

I actually used one of these sentences , replying to someone who had gone to school with the person who ultimately became Miss Mississippi. They mentioned this, and stated he had no seen her for a while. "Do you miss Miss Miss(issippi)". But , yes, the others are forced, but I think it is funny to have people try to pronounce more of one of these phrases. They end up looking exhausted, without knowing why :).EDIT: I have thought of writing a small play ( say 5-10 min) to be performed in the streets/subway with plenty of these tripled sentences, without warning the audience. The audience will sense there is something unusual, without knowing what, which is kind of fun.
 
  • #5,111
Klystron said:
One day a year they let me call a hyperbolic trig function, but only up to a limit, and I have to return it in identical form.

Last year a spline accidentally broke the transcendental function. So, this year I only get to borrow a Taylor series. Shucks.
I have a singularity on sale (half price). Interested?
But:
it's soon to blow up! ...
 
  • #5,112
WWGD said:
I actually used one of these sentences , replying to someone who had gone to school with the person who ultimately became Miss Mississippi. They mentioned this, and stated he had no seen her for a while. "Do you miss Miss Miss(issippi)". But , yes, the others are forced, but I think it is funny to have people try to pronounce more of one of these phrases. They end up looking exhausted, without knowing why :).EDIT: I have thought of writing a small play ( say 5-10 min) to be performed in the streets/subway with plenty of these tripled sentences, without warning the audience. The audience will sense there is something unusual, without knowing what, which is kind of fun.

My last senator mentioned "...more Mormon money means..." during a speech. Sounded like "MoMo-morons-me". [No offense intended.]
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes mfb and WWGD
  • #5,114
Klystron said:
Actually received a mathematics degree; but it only covers integers. Good thing I became a programmer. < zing! >
Hey Jude! School of computer science:...DEAD!"
[snip!]

Yes, IT for me! 4me IT!

Some people enter IT for the money, bucks, euros, yankee-dollar$, stuff, lucre, it!

I'm content joining a profession with a recursive name. IT!
 
  • #5,115
The name Emile ( E mile ) has been metric'd into E(1.609 km ). Not too catchy.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Drakkith and Klystron
  • #5,116
Klystron said:
My last senator mentioned "...more Mormon money means..." during a speech. Sounded like "MoMo-morons-me". [No offense intended.]
To extend it a bit . I knew this lady with first name 'Amor' ( which means 'Love' in Spanish. Kind of unusual).
There is a murmur, Amor more Mormon money means... Feel free to extend it anyone.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Stavros Kiri and Klystron
  • #5,117
WWGD said:
I knew this lady with first name 'Amor' ( which means 'Love' in Spanish. Kind of unusual).
Amor is a Roman God, their version of the Greek Eros. So this name is not more unusual than Venus Williams or Love Rosa Gantt are!
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes dextercioby
  • #5,118
fresh_42 said:
Amor is a Roman God, their version of the Greek Eros. So this name is not more unusual than Venus Williams or Love Rosa Gantt are!
Well, yeah, she was not so bad, but not quite a Roman god. But Rome is Roma in Italian and they are order- reverses( mirror images ) of each other : Roma <--> Amor, so maybe you are right.
 
  • #5,119
WWGD said:
To extend it a bit . I knew this lady with first name 'Amor' ( which means 'Love' in Spanish. Kind of unusual).
There is a murmur, Amor more Mormon money means... Feel free to extend it anyone.
Legitimately you are entitled to one more "more" since "Amor more Mormon money means more tithes and offerings" if that's what the senator meant ...
(That's the best I can do.)
 
  • #5,120
Stavros Kiri said:
Legitimately you are entitled to one more "more" since "Amor more Mormon money means more tithes and offerings" if that's what the senator meant ...
(That's the best I can do.)
H'about:
The murmur :Amor, more Mormon money, or more mortgage morass.
Maybe we can make it into a book, or at least a short story ;).
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Klystron and Stavros Kiri
  • #5,121
All cowards here. Nobody dares to use the other "mor" word in this context :biggrin:

That leads me to an interesting question: Is it political incorrect or even discriminating, if one claims that in a certain group are people with a certain attribute? There is no "all" quantifier which pc people often assume, failing to read for the sake of an argument. And I'm convinced that each group, however defined, always contains people with even questionable, will say unflattering properties. So does pc dictate to speak nicely of an entire group, although there are surely idiots among them?
 
  • #5,122
fresh_42 said:
All cowards here. Nobody dares to use the other "mor" word in this context :biggrin:

That leads me to an interesting question: Is it political incorrect or even discriminating, if one claims that in a certain group are people with a certain attribute? There is no "all" quantifier which pc people often assume, failing to read for the sake of an argument. And I'm convinced that each group, however defined, always contains people with even questionable, will say unflattering properties. So does pc dictate to speak nicely of an entire group, although there are surely idiots among them?
I just don't know what it means nor how to use it, that is why I don't use it any mor...
 
  • #5,123
WWGD said:
I just don't know what it means nor how to use it, that is why I don't use it any mor...

Italian semiotics expert Umberto Eco defines the term in the English translation of Focualt's Pendulum. Eco creates a 3-level hierarchy (idiot-cretin-moron) that describes every human interaction but with present company always excluded out of politeness.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes WWGD and fresh_42
  • #5,124
I've lost my dictionary. I can't find the words to express how I feel.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes WWGD, Klystron and Ibix
  • #5,125
I think I got the job! "Yay!" <smiley faces>

The interviewers asked me to describe my greatest strength. "Sincere ability to lie with a straight face.".
They asked me how I like to relax. "Imitating chimpanzee mating screams like Jane Goodall: "CAW! YOWL! Ba-BUCK! Skree! SKREE!'"
After things quieted down they asked if I spoke any foreign languages. Naturally, I conducted the rest of the interview in Klingon.
Finally asked me if I was 'looking for six figures' plus stock. "Sure. I love integers! But I'm a vegetarian...".

I don't think I got the job. "Shucks!" <frowny faces>
 
  • #5,126
Klystron said:
They asked me how I like to relax. "Imitating chimpanzee mating screams like Jane Goodall: "CAW! YOWL! Ba-BUCK! Skree! SKREE!'"
You should apply to where @DaveC426913 works - see this post.
 
  • #5,127
DrGreg said:
I've lost my dictionary. I can't find the words to express how I feel.
I've read these days:

"Dear teenagers!
Santa was reviewed your facebook profiles.
You will be given clothes and a dictionary this christmas."
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes davenn and Klystron
  • #5,128
Ibix said:
You should apply to where @DaveC426913 works - see this post.

Excellent memory!

I based that joke on public talks Goodall gave while at Stanford. She provided numerous exemplars of chimpanzee and bonobo speech. The more anti-science hecklers interrupted her talk, the louder and sharper her chimp cries in return. Loud!

The Klingon answer's also reality-based. Dude was all "I prefer early-Klingon but my Romulan accent makes me difficult to comprehend!", interviewing for a scientific programming job at Ames. Klingon, along with FORTRAN 77 and C++, made a good match. The Trekkie was offered a position but ended up at Oracle, IMS.
 
Last edited:
Reply
  • Like
Likes Ibix and WWGD
  • #5,129
Klystron said:
Excellent memory!

I based that joke on public talks Goodall gave while at Stanford. She provided numerous exemplars of chimpanzee and bonobo speech. The more anti-science hecklers interrupted her talk, the louder and sharper her chimp cries in return. Loud!

The Klingon answer's also reality-based. Dude was all "I prefer early-Klingon but my Romulan accent makes me difficult to comprehend!", interviewing for a scientific programming job at Ames. Klingon, along with FORTRAN 77 and C++, made a good match. Got an offer but ended up at Oracle, IMS.
I personally prefer bird calls when someone is within a small radius. I used them at large B&N stores too: Ka-Kaw Ka-Kaw ! Ka-Kaw Ka-Kaw!
 
  • #5,130
Klystron said:
Got an offer but ended up at Oracle, IMS.
Oracle as ERP or DB?
 
  • #5,131
fresh_42 said:
Oracle as ERP or DB?
EDIT My offer was for Oracle as BURP and FART , aka SQL Server.
 
  • #5,132
fresh_42 said:
Oracle as ERP or DB?

DB software (I had to look up ERP.). Oracle paid better than Informatics (later Sterling Software) but the programmer's "shack" at the Unitary wind tunnel included a mock-up of the original Enterprise bridge including life-size posters of the principle characters. Klingon tolerated here!
 
  • #5,133
Klystron said:
DB software (I had to look up ERP.). Oracle paid better than Informatics (later Sterling Software) but the programmer's "shack" at the Unitary wind tunnel included a mock-up of the original Enterprise bridge including life-size posters of the principle characters. Klingon tolerated here!
In my experience, DB jobs are the ultimate catch -22 of not offering any entry level ( i my case) for fear of losing their data and then not giving you any positions from lack of experience. But I guess you are ahead of me. How did you avoid the catch -22?
 
  • #5,134
WWGD said:
In my experience, DB jobs are the ultimate catch -22 of not offering any entry level ( i my case) for fear of losing their data and then not giving you any positions from lack of experience. But I guess you are ahead of me. How did you avoid the catch -22?

Serious subject. Oracle was there but I stayed at Ames as a software engineer for the advanced concepts flight simulator. Mainly finished projects other programmers eschewed. Executive-level systems control, error detection and mitigation, real-time data collection. Fun!

SW engineers wrote and shared our own DB code to meet specific NASA requirements.
 
  • #5,135
Klystron said:
Serious subject. Oracle was there but I stayed at Ames as a software engineer for the advanced concepts flight simulator. Mainly finished projects other programmers eschewed. Executive-level systems control, error detection and mitigation, real-time data collection. Fun!

SW engineers wrote and shared our own DB code to meet specific NASA requirements.
Cool stuff. I ended up doing much more pedestrian stuff. Some Stats too. It was fun in the end, but I would have loved to have gone more deeply into DB. EDIT: Maybe I am getting too serious for this thread?
 
Last edited:
  • #5,136
An organist contemplating the future decides to explore physical chemistry to realize their dream of free universal sinus glue...

"Musing musician musters munificent mucus mucilage."

[editorial note: Verbs difficult in these concatenations. First choice was "munge" meaning "mangle" but no 'sss' sound. Rule: First syllable match 'mu' plus sibilant as in 'muse'. 'muster' appears correct but alters the initial vowel sound. 'mucus' shifts sibilant to second syllable, 'munificent' to fourth.]
 
  • #5,137
Klystron said:
An organist contemplating the future decides to explore physical chemistry to realize their dream of free universal sinus glue...

"Musing musician musters munificent mucus mucilage."

[editorial note: Verbs difficult in these concatenations. First choice was "munge" meaning "mangle" but no 'sss' sound. Rule: First syllable match 'mu' plus sibilant as in 'muse'. 'muster' appears correct but alters the initial vowel sound. 'mucus' shifts sibilant to second syllable, 'munificent' to fourth.]
Good, you're in the right track!
 
  • #5,138
(Made up) Vatican logicians working overtime after Pope states: " I was wrong before, I actually _am_ infallible".
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes mfb, Stavros Kiri and Klystron
  • #5,139
WWGD said:
(Made up) Vatican logicians working overtime after Pope states: " I was wrong before, I actually _am_ infallible".

Catholic corollary to the lying Cretan!
 
  • #5,140
WWGD said:
(Made up) Vatican logicians working overtime after Pope states: " I was wrong before, I actually _am_ infallible".
Solution: He made a mistake earlier saying that he wasn't infallible, which proves that he is not. But if he isn't infallible then how did he make that mistake? Well, may be he just thinks he did! ... :smile:
(Epistemologically it is possible. May he has a justified belief that he did ... [etc.])
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes WWGD and Klystron
  • #5,141
WWGD said:
(Made up) Vatican logicians working overtime after Pope states: " I was wrong before, I actually _am_ infallible".
By papal bull, perhaps?
 
  • #5,142
Ibix said:
By papal bull, perhaps?
No, definitely a no.

charts.gif


Paypal doesn't look bullish.
 

Attachments

  • charts.gif
    charts.gif
    15.6 KB · Views: 632
  • #5,143
WWGD said:
Vatican logicians working overtime
They will be paid in Vatican currency?

(Actually, I don't know if this one exists in the world anywhere else or: in what form does it exists, but in my country the term 'paid in Vatican currency' means something like 'may God reward you'.)
 
  • #5,144
fresh_42 said:
No, definitely a no.

View attachment 236028

Paypal doesn't look bullish.
Maybe papa(l) bear, aka bill O'Reilly. A conspiracy. I knew it!
 
  • #5,145
Rive said:
They will be paid in Vatican currency?

(Actually, I don't know if this one exists in the world anywhere else or: in what form does it exists, but in my country the term 'paid in Vatican currency' means something like 'may God reward you'.)
Vous etes Rive Gauche ou Rive Droit? Mais pas de politicques ici, nous somme tous de centre ;).Hope my high school French is not too stale.
 
  • #5,146
Rive said:
They will be paid in Vatican currency?

(Actually, I don't know if this one exists in the world anywhere else or: in what form does it exists, but in my country the term 'paid in Vatican currency' means something like 'may God reward you'.)
Actually, they have Euro.
 
  • #5,147
WWGD said:
Vous etes Rive Gauche ou Rive Droit? Mais pas de politicques ici, nous somme tous de centre ;).
Sorry, my nick was originally a random generated string, to be used in a D&D game. Then it stuck, and it took a decade when I found out that it actually has some meaning... :biggrin:
So I have no idea, what did you wanted to say:sorry:
De mondd magyarul, és akkor érteni fogom.:wink:
 
  • #5,148
fresh_42 said:
Actually, they have Euro.
Are they even a republic?I heard you can exit and enter the country from anywhere in less than 5 minutes.One sixthofa square mile.
 
  • #5,149
Rive said:
Sorry, my nick was originally a random generated string, to be used in a D&D game. Then it stuck, and it took a decade when I found out that it actually has some meaning... :biggrin:
So I have no idea, what did you wanted to say:sorry:
De mondd magyarul, és akkor érteni fogom.:wink:
Ah, sorry, is that Hungarian?
 
  • #5,150
WWGD said:
Maybe papa(l) bear, aka bill O'Reilly. A conspiracy. I knew it!
"I woas nix, i hör nix, i sich nix!"

One of the rare moments the translation is actually better than the original: "Schultz: I see NOTHING! I know NOTHING!"
 

Similar threads

Programming Jokes: Lame, Science & Math Jokes!
9
Replies
431
Views
31K
Reflecting on 47: An SMBC Comic
2
Replies
57
Views
8K
Bad Math Jokes
8
Replies
386
Views
37K
Weird / Interesing science related objects
Replies
7
Views
3K
What does it tell if you can (or can't) get this joke?
Replies
15
Views
5K
What Are Your Favorite Physics Jokes?
Replies
1
Views
3K
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! - My Favorite Book
Replies
21
Views
3K
Mini road trip: tigers and goats and bears, oh my
Replies
5
Views
2K
That Will Smith and Chris Rock thing
4
Replies
185
Views
10K
Collection of Science Jokes P2
80
Replies
4K
Views
428K

Hot Threads

Recent Insights

Back
Top