Collection of Lame Jokes

[YoungPhysicist]

Joke:

 

[Ibix]

How do owls greet each other when they meet?

Owl do you do.

 

[DrGreg]

How do owls greet each other when they meet?

Owl do you do.

That's a hoot!

By the way, what was the owl's PIN number?

2820

 

[YoungPhysicist]

A zoo keeper said to a koala:
“You know you’re not an actual bear,right?”
Koala:
“But I’ve passed all the koalafications!”

 

[mjc123]

A man goes into a café in Liverpool run by a koala. He asks "Do you use locally-sourced ingredients?"
"Yes" says the koala. "Our water is taken straight from the River Mersey."
The man asks for a cup of tea, but pulls a face when he tastes it.
"There are koala hairs in my tea" he complains.
"Oh, don't you know?" says the koala. "The koala tea of Mersey is not strained."

 

[Ibix]

"Oh, don't you know?" says the koala. "The koala tea of Mersey is not strained."

Ouch...

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard?

Ironman is actually Fe male!

 

[Bystander]

"The koala tea of Mersey is not strained."

Had to "sound" that one out in my mind.

 

[davenn]

 

[CWatters]

Race horse owner is very unhappy with how slow his horse had gone in the race. He turns to his jockey and says "Couldn't you have run any faster?". "Sure", the jockey replies, "but the rules say I have to stay on the horse".

 

[OCR]

Oh, my... .

...PIN number?

After owl things considered, the diagnosis seemingly indicates... RAS syndrome . .

.

 

[YoungPhysicist]

Rabbit is the luckiest animal because it has four rabbit foots

 

[WWGD]

This guy enters an all you can eat hot dogs contest.
His friend sees him , 5 minutes before the contest, eating hot dog after hot dog.
Friend asks: are you crazy, why are you eating so close to the contest?
"I am practicing"

 

[CWatters]

What's green and smells like purple paint?

Spoiler

Green paint

 

[Ibix]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

 

[jtbell]

Why would a cow say "Boooo!"?

Two possibilities:
1. It's Halloween.
2. It has a cold.

 

[fresh_42]

A dark matter particle walks in a bar and asks for the dark room.
"Sorry, we don't have a WIMP lounge."

 

[Ibix]

A dark matter particles walks in a bar

Did it wave?

 

[fresh_42]

Did it wave?

Don't know, but it came alone. It didn't clump.

 

[mfb]

Its interactions with the other guests were weak as well.

 

[Bandersnatch]

The crotchety regular by the bar insisted the wimp was just Newton with a moustache.

 

[Charles Link]

A dark matter particle walks in a bar and asks for the dark room.
"Sorry, we don't have a WIMP lounge."

@fresh_42 I had to google that one because I'm not a particle physicist=wimp="weakly interacting massive particle".

 

[Ibix]

@fresh_42 I had to google that one because I'm not a particle physicist=wimp="weakly interacting massive particle".

See also MACHO (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massive_compact_halo_object).

Both actual physics (historically, anyway) AND a lame joke...

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Do you know any good jokes about vacuums?

No - they all suck.

 

[I-Love-Maths2]

What is a Hebrew?
A male coffee

 

[fresh_42]

What is a Hebrew?
A male coffee

So Stout is a Shebrew?

 

[256bits]

One ailing eukaryotic cell to another, " I feel so bad, everything hurts from my head to my toes. Even my flagella is aching."
The other cell, reflecting that his friend often hyperboles, " Oh your just being cilia."

 

[AlexCaledin]

<- US Navy Seals spying in the Russian Arctic? (in the walrus disguise)

 

[WWGD]

Do you know any good jokes about vacuums?

No - they all suck.

This reminds me of the joke that the only way Microsoft could come up with a product that doesn't suck was if they manufactured vacuums.

 

[WWGD]

I go to this Hungarian restaurant and I always annoy the waiters: "I just came from Budapest" . Hungary (Hungry)? Yes, let me have the special.

 

[Ibix]

I go to this Hungarian restaurant and I always annoy the waiters: "I just came from Budapest" . Hungary (Hungry)? Yes, let me have the special.

"Where's your wife from?"
"Alaska"
"Don't worry - I'll ask 'er myself"

 

[Ibix]

I go to this Hungarian restaurant and I always annoy the waiters: "I just came from Budapest" . Hungary (Hungry)? Yes, let me have the special.

...and at the end of the meal you ask for the Czech?

 

[jtbell]

"By the way, I ran into Shelly yesterday."

"Didn't she use to sell sea shells by the sea shell shore?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't do that any more. Now she sells sea shells from her she shed, she said."

 

[fresh_42]

"Since when do you eat beans?"

"I store wind energy!"

 

[Bystander]

"I store wind energy!"

Long as you're JUST storing it, we don't want/need releases.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

OMG

 

[Bystander]

Could be a dirty parking lot, could be a store policy, could be any number of external factors --- local ordinance, even.

 

[davenn]

Could be a dirty parking lot, could be a store policy, could be any number of external factors --- local ordinance, even.

true, but highly unlikely LOL

 

[fresh_42]

true, but highly unlikely LOL

This could have happened to me, too. Enter a store to buy something, didn't find it, but bought something else instead. And it's still better than a) leave the cart anywhere or b) handle both separately.

 

[Borg]

At least he isn't using the hand cart to move the shopping cart.

 

[davenn]

At least he isn't using the hand cart to move the shopping cart.

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a small one-eyed donkey with one leg shorter than the others?

A dinky winky wonky donkey.

 

[Mark44]

At least he isn't using the hand cart to move the shopping cart.

Or even worse, if he had gone to the store to buy a shopping cart, and put his purchase into one of the store's carts.

 

[DrClaude]

This could have happened to me, too. Enter a store to buy something, didn't find it, but bought something else instead. And it's still better than a) leave the cart anywhere or b) handle both separately.

Yes. If you look carefully, you will see that there is something in the guy's cart where a child can sit.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 232290

Matte finish invisible tape, no less. You might catch a specular reflection off the glossy stuff.