Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

Programmers imagine the most ridiculous ways to enter a phone number into a form:

I'm still amazed that, all the evidence I have suggests that no programmer knows how to strip spaces from credit card numbers.

 

[Ibix]

Programmers imagine the most ridiculous ways to enter a phone number into a form:

One I've seen in the wild wanted my date of birth. It wouldn't let me type it in, instead providing a calendar. Which defaulted to the current date and would only let me flip forward or backward a month at a time.

As far as that service is concerned, I'm eight months old.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

A person bought an air conditioner and installed it himself.

Soon, however, he found that his room temperature was increasing instead of decreasing. So, he rang up the service centre.

The service personnel fainted when he came for the repair job.

 

[Ibix]

those under 40 probably won't get this (two 30 yr olds at my work place didn't)

I get the joke. But is there a reason that works, or is it just a coincidence?

 

[davenn]

The service personnel fainted when he came for the repair job.

OMG ... a DIY'er with a total lack of basic knowledge haha

But is there a reason that works, or is it just a coincidence?

well, no other set of numbers will work in that order, so I guess you could call it a good coincidence I remember the old 78 records ... when I was a kid, 8 - 10 yrs old and staying at my grandad's place for Christmas holidays
He had an old fully mechanical gramophone player and 78 records

Dave

 

[DaveC426913]

Programmers imagine the most ridiculous ways to enter a phone number into a form:

As a programmer and a Usability Specialist, I declare this to be Glorious.

 

[WWGD]

I'm still amazed that, all the evidence I have suggests that no programmer knows how to strip spaces from credit card numbers.

Seems in SQL it could be done with string functions.
(Wonder if someone will consider this a lame joke).

One I've seen in the wild wanted my date of birth. It wouldn't let me type it in, instead providing a calendar. Which defaulted to the current date and would only let me flip forward or backward a month at a time.

As far as that service is concerned, I'm eight months old.

As far as SAS is concerned, your age is done Mod 1961 : If you're born on 1/1/1961 , you are , in the system, 1 day old. Seems like one of those weird religions that "somewhat arbitrarily" ( major understatement) , decided the world started on a given date.

 

[jack action]

those under 40 probably won't get this (two 30 yr olds at my work place didn't)

Speaking of those under 40 who don't get older things, how many noticed that the numbering on the round phone dial of my previous post is wrong? Probably the work of a young programmer ...

 

[davenn]

how many noticed that the numbering on the round phone dial of my previous post is wrong?

that totally depends on what country you are in

It isn't wrong for Australia, it is for New Zealand ... I cannot comment on other countries

 

[256bits]

He had an old fully mechanical gramophone player and 78 records

I guess nothing changes and everything stays the same through the generations.
Your gramma. She wouldn't let him use it either.

 

[jack action]

Well, I just learn another new thing on PF, in the lame jokes thread no less! New Zealand used a reversed ordering of the numerals. I don't know what I'll do with such information though.

 

[256bits]

I get the joke. But is there a reason that works, or is it just a coincidence?

A rounding error. The person would have to be born in 33 in the month of April.

 

[davenn]

The person would have to be born in 33 in the month of April.

??

 

[256bits]

??

33 and a third

 

[davenn]

33 and a third

OK

 

[DaveC426913]

... how many noticed that the numbering on the round phone dial of my previous post is wrong? ...

Did not notice that!

 

[WWGD]

I had dinner, chicken with Ginger dressing on the side.
Tasty, but I prefer Ginger undressed...

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

Programmers imagine the most ridiculous ways to enter a phone number into a form:

Made on reddit a while ago
Similarly:
Volume sliders
Password inputs
Sorting algorithms
And a couple more I forgot.

 

[davenn]

OK it's Friday Funny's time ...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Apropos of the horse called Mayo, a friend of a friend who is a fan of Star Trek had a goldfish called Leonard My Koi.

 

[Borg]

If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.

To those in the future, please go here.

 

[davenn]

If I had a Delorean,

speaking of which ...

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

In another time...

 

[256bits]

Startrek
Chekov
skiing
Music
composer
Tchaikovsky

Must be some kind of lame joke there.

 

[Borg]

Must be some kind of lame joke there.

Maybe the first one's an anagram - Tsar Trek?

 

[Ibix]

Must be some kind of lame joke there.

What do you call it when a Star Trek episode carefully sets up circumstances that will be critical to the plot later on?

Chekhov's phaser.

Lame (and contrived) enough?

 

[256bits]

OK. That took me 3 minutes to get. Good one. Blends in with the one from Borg.
I knew theer had to be better ones than:

Chekov goes skiing downhill while playing the violin.
Kirk, McCoy, Spock are in amazement
Spock finally speaks.
Chekov ski?

 

[WWGD]

This one actually happened to me recently.

Waiter: Yes sir, what's your question?
Me: Are the mushrooms fresh?
Waiter(serious, as far as I can tell): Yes sir, we just opened the can.

 

[WWGD]

In another time...

View attachment 237800

They still have this classic available:

https://www.lowes.com/pd/Design-Toscano-Gothic-Tombstone-I-Told-You-I-Was-Sick-Gravestone-Sign/1000051479

 

[Klystron]

This one actually happened to me recently.

Waiter: Yes sir, what's your question?
Me: Are the mushrooms fresh?
Waiter(serious, as far as I can tell): Yes sir, we just opened the can.

Basil Fawlty (John Cleese), owner of Fawlty Towers hotel In Torquay, delivers this news to an irate American expecting fresh-squeezed orange juice in their "screwdrivers". Hilarious tantrums ensue.

 

[WWGD]

Basil Fawlty (John Cleese), owner of Fawlty Towers hotel In Torquay, delivers this news to an irate American expecting fresh-squeezed orange juice in their "screwdrivers". Hilarious tantrums ensue.

I am living a (slightly distorted) episode of Monty Python!??

 

[davenn]

I am living a (slightly distorted) episode of Monty Python!??

naa, Fawlty Towers was another British comedy set as described by klystron

there weren't too many episodes in the series, but were quite funny

 

[Borg]

Basil Fawlty (John Cleese), owner of Fawlty Towers hotel

I always wondered where that reference came from.

 

[fresh_42]

Hey, guys, I'm glad you didn't mention the war.

 

[Ibix]

Hey, guys, I'm glad you didn't mention the war.

I did once, but I think I got away with it.

 

[jtbell]

A guy in an expensive business suit, eating a bag of chips, passes a pigeon on the street.

Pigeon: Nice suit.
Guy (surprised): Thank you.
Pigeon: Be a shame if something happened to it... leave those chips here.

 

[davenn]

 

[Klystron]

What do you get when you teach a bird of prey to talk?

A yaptor.

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a Himalayan beast of burden that can't sleep?

An insomniyak.

 

[Ibix]

Why do yaks go crazy in large numbers?

They're many-yaks

 

[fresh_42]

Why is the Dead Sea dead?

It had a severe depression!

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a yak that can't stop talking?

A yakety yak.

HEY! I LOVE Tibet! And those Himalayas! Wow! You just got to BE there, you know what I'm sayin'? UNbelievable! Sunrise! Sunrise in the Himalayas! That's something, I got to tell ya! And sunSET! Stand BACK! INCREDIBLE! Sunset may be even better than sunrise! Sunrise! Sunset! Middle of the day! ANY time's a great time in the Himmies! I call 'em the Himmies...

 

[Klystron]

What do we call the Shakespearean beast of burden?

A yaktor.

 

[Ibix]

What's a Himalayan beast of burden's favourite tune?

Yakety Sax.

Imagine the Benny Hill Show with yaks...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Borg]

For everyone freezing in the U.S. right now.