Collection of Lame Jokes

[256bits]

View attachment 238615

If you forget the access code, that configuration will come in handy.
Reminds me of the time I had to circumvent a wire fence and barbed wire topping to get the gate keys, that I had left in the vehicle inside the enclosure, so I could gain access the vehicle to get the keys to open the gate ( Usually the reverse - open the gate, then enter and get vehicle ). Much too easily done -- and nothing illegal by the way. We put our vehicles in there so no one could steel stuff.

 

[jbriggs444]

We put our vehicles in there so no one could steel stuff.

You put all of the Bessemer gear in the glove box? Sure hope you left the windows rolled down -- it could get mighty hot in there.

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a man standing by the sea with a gull on his head?

Cliff.

 

[davenn]

I WRITE ALL MY PUNS IN CAPITALS. THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

 

[davenn]

I made a resolution to buy velcro this year and I'm sticking to it

 

[Ibix]

How do you stop a rhinoceros from charging?

Steal its adaptor.

 

[256bits]

How do you stop a rhinoceros from charging?

Steal its adaptor.

I had heard it was "Take away his VISA card", but now with smart phones I don't know any more.

 

[jtbell]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

View attachment 238756

There is a TV show ("Storage Wars") that shows things in storage units being put up for auction, and then it also shows what the buyers found in the unit (sometimes, they find weird and interesting stuff).

In my city, we haven't got storage units (though it wouldn't have been bad if there were some). As a result, we have a question that goes unanswered. Let me ask it here, since you have put up the topic: Why are storage units auctioned? Is it done by the owner (the person who keeps the goods in the unit), or by the company which maintains the storage unit?

 

[jack action]

Why are storage units auctioned? Is it done by the owner (the person who keeps the goods in the unit), or by the company which maintains the storage unit?

When the owner of the goods doesn't pay the rent, the company can pay itself by selling the goods (after some legal procedures, that is).

 

[Ibix]

When the owner of the goods doesn't pay the rent, the company can pay itself by selling the goods (after some legal procedures, that is).

Corollary: the rent is a little more than the difference between the value of stuff left by people who just can't pay less the cost of garbage disposal.

That makes me sad, somehow.

Edit: I am not completely sober right now. Emotional response may be affected...

 

[davenn]

Why are storage units auctioned? Is it done by the owner (the person who keeps the goods in the unit), or by the company which maintains the storage unit?

When the owner of the goods doesn't pay the rent, the company can pay itself by selling the goods (after some legal procedures, that is).

yup, or the owner of the stored stuff dies, leaves the country, or otherwise can no longer be contacted by the storage site ownerD

 

[Wrichik Basu]

yup, or the owner of the stored stuff dies, leaves the country, or otherwise can no longer be contacted by the storage site owner

Your post reminds me of something. In the aforementioned TV show, among the buyers who have allowed to take videos of their whereabouts, there is one person named Dave Hester, and he uses "Yuuuup!" quite a lot. In fact, that is printed on his shirt, cap, car and the truck he brings with him.

 

[Klystron]

Hast thou heard the word? A munificent Emir received dispensation to proffer pre-rolled home-grown and has enlisted the spirits of Sinatra's Rat Pack to market the joints. Their marketing jingle:

"Do buy Dubai do-bee-do-bee doobies! Bye-Bye, Dubai Dudes!"

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Drones usually only have four arms. The extra is probably weighing it down. Try sawing it off?

 

[davenn]

Drones usually only have four arms. The extra is probably weighing it down. Try sawing it off?

hahaha

actually there are number of 6 prop ones available

eg ...

 

[davenn]

This is the real one I own ...
Parrot bebop2 FPV

 

[Stavros Kiri]

hahaha

actually there are number of 6 prop ones available

eg ...

View attachment 238878

View attachment 238879

This is the real one I own ...
Parrot bebop2 FPV
View attachment 238880

Now you know why the other one doesn't fly! ...

 

[Ibix]

actually there are number of 6 prop ones available

In that case, glue another arm on...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

In that case, glue another arm on...

And then it flies! ... If

Spoiler

taken on the Space Station

 

[Ibix]

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2...

 

[davenn]

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2...

that one passes me by

 

[Ibix]

that one passes me by

(I don't think it's particular to Spongebob, by the way. That's just the first link I found.)

 

[Klystron]

that one passes me by

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2...

In small bands the drummer traditionally sets the tempo and beat to lead the next number. Along with tapping the edge of a drum she/he will chant in unison with the tapping, "And a one, and a two, and a ...". Music ensues.

[This has been attributed to several influential American jazz drummers but drums with chants were used to time cannon fire on post 15th C. warships and to time oars on ancient rowing vessels such as the Vikings used; the latter documented by Irish monks in the famous manuscript titled Jazz, jazz, and More Jazz by medieval jazzman Thelonious Monk. ]

 

[davenn]

thanks guys
I should have known that, having played music since I was a kid

I'll put it down to too early Monday morning haha

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard of the new parade crew in New Orleans that does synchronized drills with lawnmowers?

It's called "Mardi Grass."

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

When I see names of couples in bark, I do not think "oh sweet," but "weird, whoever takes a knife to a date ..."

 

[davenn]

View attachment 239137

yeah, I have that problem

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 239112

Hahahahaha ... Me too!
Wait! It is Friday!

View attachment 239137

yeah, I have that problem

Me too! Yup! "seafood diet", all day, all the time! ...

 

[davenn]

hahahaha

 

[256bits]

That just goes to show you the lax privacy measures and intrusion.
Totally laxative , if you ask me.
Especially when the Captain was making a personal log entry, that happens.

 

[BillTre]

Saw this elsewhere:

Pun enters room, kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

With my poor hearing and the wife talking to me from a room or two away, this is me

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

"What shall we cook?"

"Something fast."

"A cheetah?"

 

[256bits]

Back to cooking. yes. And music.

One should need to know the difference between an onion and a banjo ( to become a great chef )

No one cries when you cut up a banjo.

 

[jack action]

If you drop a soap on the floor, is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

 

[DrClaude]

If you drop a soap on the floor, is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

https://dilbert.com/strip/1995-11-24

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 239454

"How much is it?"
"Installed or not?"

 

[Stavros Kiri]

If you drop a soap on the floor, is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

None. Just the floor slippery! ...

 

[davenn]

I studied a lot for my blood test. I got A+

 

[Ibix]

I studied a lot for my blood test. I got A+

I got O.

 

[davenn]

I got O.

awwww

 

[Mark44]

If you drop a soap on the floor, is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

Yes

 

[Mark44]

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2...

(I don't think it's particular to Spongebob, by the way. That's just the first link I found.)

Lawrence Welk was a bandleader who had a TV show here in the US for years from the 50s all the way into the 80s. He was very famous for always starting the band off with "And a 1 and a 2 ..."