Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

Minimalism eliminates extraneous redundant pieces in order to concentrate on core details. KISS invites complexity but where required to solve the problem.

Makes sense to me.
I think actually achieving desired results in the real world would require good judgement about when and how much to "invites complexity but where required to solve the problem", vs. not doing so.

Nowadays things may have swung to the less detail side among some people.
Understanding less detail makes you more easy to be lead.

 

[256bits]

Heard this on the radio.
Sloth called the police with a complaint of being assaulted by three turtles.
When asked if he could give a detailed description of the perpetrators, Sloth replied,
"Oh, not really. It all happened so fast."

 

[Klystron]

And the oven asked the refrigerator, "Why are you always so cold to me?".

And the refrigerator responded, "Because you're just not hot enough for me!"

"That is so deep.", Responded the sink. "You make me wet."

"Shocking!", exclaimed the circuit breaker.

"Shut it!", countered the sink, "You're always tripping.".

 

[mfb]

"Shut it!", countered the sink, "You're always tripping.".

"At least I'm not as high as the ceiling lamp!"

 

[fresh_42]

"At least I'm not as high as the ceiling lamp!"

"No time to do so. Particle physicists are climbing the stairs up and down all the time!"

 

[mfb]

It's just a phase.

 

[fresh_42]

It's just a phase.

I'm already happy that's no superstition.

There must be a science joke somewhere: cat + ladder + super(po)s[t]ition.

 

[mfb]

Why is Schrödinger's cat in a box experiment flawed?

Spoiler

A cat has nine lives, not just one

How do make a cat lose one of its lives?

Spoiler

You apply the lowering ladder operator on the cat state.

 

[Ibix]

You apply the lowering ladder operator on the cat state.

Remind me - is the lowering operator the one with the dagger?

 

[mfb]

That's why it takes a life.

(But I think the common notation has the dagger on the raising operator)

 

[Ibix]

(But I think the common notation has the dagger on the raising operator)

So it's a conventional dagger, like conventional current?

 

[jtbell]

Watch your head!

 

[Ibix]

Watch your head!

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/576038608571034263/

 

[DifferentialGalois]

By far the most generic:
Why the chicken cross the Klein bottle?
To get to the same side

 

[BillTre]

Which car do you like?

 

[jack action]

Which car do you like?

View attachment 249583

I have a thing for a Ford Falcon:

​

Or even better, a Ford Galaxie:

 

[davenn]

I swallowed a dictionary.

It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

 

[mfb]

An unidentified thief from within our company stole the thesaurus from our library. We are taken aback, stunned, stupefied, confused, flabbergasted and bewildered how someone could do this.

 

[davenn]

Elevator music
bothers me
on so many
levels

 

[Borg]

A farmer, desperately in need of rain for his crops had been looking forward to a predicted storm. However, when the storm was supposed to arrive, there was nothing more than fog. The farmer yelled at the cloud, "You were supposed to be rain! Didn't you get the memo?" The fog replied back, "Mist that".

 

[mfb]

The farmer should have performed a rain dance. They are surprisingly effective: A 100% success rate! And they are so easy to do as well. You dance until it rains.

 

[Ibix]

The farmer should have performed a rain dance. They are surprisingly effective: A 100% success rate! And they are so easy to do as well. You dance until it rains.

It's like my elephant-repellant powder that I scatter around the house every day. No elephant comes near the place.

 

[fresh_42]

The farmer should have performed a rain dance. They are surprisingly effective: A 100% success rate! And they are so easy to do as well. You dance until it rains.

It might exceed lifetime to achieve 100%: Atacama.

 

[Ibix]

It might exceed lifetime to achieve 100%: Atacama.

Maybe the Atacama is dry because of all the people doing rain dances everywhere else pulling the rain away. I mean, the vast majority of humans live where there's reasonably ready access to water. That can't be a coincidence.

 

[256bits]

The farmer should have performed a rain dance. They are surprisingly effective: A 100% success rate! And they are so easy to do as well. You dance until it rains.

Just waiting and waiting for a reason to play this song.
https://www.bing.com/search?q=rain+...-20&sk=&cvid=EC1778A08ECD4D8B81B41F9F38E00728

 

[mfb]

It might exceed lifetime to achieve 100%: Atacama.

How do we know someone tried long enough? I haven't heard of anyone reporting how they died trying.

 

[fresh_42]

How do we know someone tried long enough? I haven't heard of anyone reporting how they died trying.

Do not reverse the burden of proof! I only mentioned evidence that your statement might fail, regardless whether one has tried or not. This develops into one of our QM threads: does the photon choose a slit if not observed?

 

[nuuskur]

God plays dice to decide the photon's fate. Sorry, Einstein!
Corollary: god must be omnipotent.

 

[jim mcnamara]

Bozone ( n.): An air layer surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

 

[Klystron]

Bozone ( n.): An air layer surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

"I think we are all bozos on this bus...". From The Firesign Theatre.

 

[jtbell]

This might have something to do with the intermediate vector bozo, a.k.a. moron.

 

[mfb]

Bozone ( n.): An air layer surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

It has been observed that multiple bozones can overlap, creating a Bozo condensate at low intellectual energy.

 

[Mark44]

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

Spoiler

The outside

 

[Mark44]

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes.
By that time, you'll be a mile away, and you have his shoes, so you can say anything you want about him...

 

[Ibix]

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

The down side.

 

[Klystron]

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

Spoiler

The outside

Yes, but the delectable Möbius-Klein duck only contains one side.

!kcauq

 

[Ibix]

Yes, but the delectable Möbius-Klein duck only contains one side.
View attachment 249819
!kcauq

The Möbius-Klein duck's favourite song is a version of Dem Bones:

Head bone's connected to the tailbone...

 

[davenn]

My pirate friend's rather obese parrot sadly died recently.
I asked how he was feeling.
"Arrrr, it's a huge weight off my shoulders."

 

[Auto-Didact]

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

My pirate friend's rather obese parrot sadly died recently.
I asked how he was feeling.
"Arrrr, it's a huge weight off my shoulders."

Speaking of which, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day! Arrrrgh!

 

[mfb]

A special one, because the year matches the date! 19.9.19.

 

[Borg]

There's a palindrome in there too. 91919

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

The Egyptian doctor that fixed my back is a Cairo practor.

 

[WWGD]

To be sure people lack capacity for detail but we should not mistake this for Minimalism or Simplicity principle (KISS). Minimalism eliminates extraneous redundant pieces in order to concentrate on core details. KISS invites...

Rock'n Roll all night and party every day...

 

[jtbell]

Why did the pirate ship's crew mutiny against their captain?

Because his restless peg syndrome was keeping them awake all night. Aarrrrh!

 

[fresh_42]

Why did the pirate have a restless peg syndrome that was keeping them awake all night?

Because they sold him a woodpecker for a parrot! Aarrrrgh!

 

[davenn]

Husband: "Doctor, I'm worried about my wife. She thinks she's a pair of curtains."

Doctor: "Tell her to pull herself together."

 

[davenn]

with apologies to those from there …. maybe, sort of