Collection of Lame Jokes

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[WWGD]

After I lost my first point in tennis I learned the meaning of love.

 

[WWGD]

At the category theory we had coffee in the morning and ffee in the afternoon.(Extra nerd joke).

 

[fresh_42]

At the category theory we had coffee in the morning and ffee in the afternoon.(Extra nerd joke).

And here are the morphisms:

 

[fresh_42]

At the category theory we had coffee in the morning and ffee in the afternoon.(Extra nerd joke).

This can be used in so many situations! Ever tried to call someone cosmart?
Blessed are who have the forgetful functor at hand if <any regretful event>.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

"Who wants to learn Roman numerals?"

"Well, I for one."

 

[BillTre]

Triple Pun, recently seen:

 

[fresh_42]

I will grow my own food from now on. That should be much healthier. Does anyone know where to get pizza seeds?

 

[256bits]

Back to Pirates.
Why do pirates never test message?

Because they like to communicate Aye to Aye.

 

[256bits]

Why does pirate have a parrot on his shoulder?

What! You think an elephant would sit still?

 

[256bits]

I will grow my own food from now on. That should be much healthier. Does one know where to get pizza seeds?

I don't know.

Try something easy first though to hone your green thumb.
Such as spaghetti cultivation.

 

[DrGreg]

Why does pirate have a parrot on his shoulder?

Why does the parrot keep saying "Pieces of Seven! Pieces of Seven!"?

Spoiler

It's a parity error.

 

[Klystron]

I do not know much Pirate and Parrot humor but I am expert in Elephant.

What do you call Batman and Robin after they tangle with arch-nemesis Elephant?

Spoiler: Dynamic Duo vs. Elephant

Flatman and Ribbon

How do you train your pet elephant not to jump in your lap?

Spoiler: Elephant training

No idea but do NOT sit next to me!

Which Libertarian philosopher wears knee socks, loves young students, and weighs a ton?

Spoiler: Foutainhead Fandom

Elephant Rand or Ayn Elephant, whichever is funnier.

 

[256bits]

I am expert in Elephant

I found that the most hilarious.

 

[Steelwolf]

After being told that there were No More Chances, Final, that we kids had to go to bed, even with company over.

My brother bet me a buck that he could get away with one more trip downstairs to bug the adults.

He walked downstairs and asked, in a rather serious tone, as if it really bothered him, and asked "Dad, what do you get when you mix a Rhinoceros with an Elephant.?"

Mom, Dad and Company were all silent looking at him, dad, guardedly said He 'was not sure, what do you think?'

My brother told him "Elephino" and walked away leaving a group of stunned silent adults until my brother had made it all the way back to bed and told me to pay up!

 

[HankDorsett]

what does blues music and family have in common?They both suck

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Steelwolf]

Gotta be careful with them greens, I heard they were Powerful antioxidants. Bacon with salad bits fer sure the way to go, although some radish, baby spinach and fried onions would go good with that, hashbrowns and 4 eyes over easy...and the order of bacon stays right there.

See, one needs to remember that the brain does not run so much on sugars and starch as it does fats and oils, so bacon is brain food!

 

[Klystron]

Did someone mention Elephant?

How do you put high heel shoes on an Elephant?

Spoiler: Elephants wear size (XXL)r^2

Tell her that they make her legs look slender.

A vicar, a monk, and an Elephant walk into a Starbucks.

Spoiler: Hilarity ensues...

"One decaf Latte with whipped cream, one plain tea, plus all the Peanuts in Perth, please!"

 

[nuuskur]

Someone asked me: "Excuse me, do you know what time it is?"
I said "Yes".

 

[jack action]

 

[davenn]

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses,
dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded,
amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed

 

[davenn]

 

[DrGreg]

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.

Roget's customers are now lost for words.

 

[Ibix]

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses,
dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded,
amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed

They're going to adapt Roget's Thesaurus for the big screen. It'll be called "Thesaurus: The Movie, Film, Picture, Flick".

(Always cite your sources: Milton Jones, I think)

 

[Ibix]

Related: one way to estimate a librarian or bookseller's experience level is to ask for a copy of Roger's Dinosaur and see if they start searching the children's fiction section or go directly to reference books.

 

[nuuskur]

View attachment 248496

It's fine as long as there is visual confirmation of the location of spider. This picture is testament to the fact that problems start once you no longer see the spider :D

 

[BillTre]

 

[Klystron]

[...]problems start once you no longer see the spider :D

The solution to this problem involves music accompanied by body language and signs:

"The inky-binky Spider crawled up the water spout." {Stand straight. Wave your fingers upright in the air to simulate climbing.}

"Down came the rain and washed the spider out" {Frown. Lower your arms and wiggle your fingers downward.}

"Out came the Sun and dried up all the rain." {Smile and lift your fingers in a circle.}

"And the inky-binky Spider climbed up the spout, again." {Stand tall. Wave your hands in the air, triumphant.}

Witness the Spider's dilemma. From YouTube.

 

[WWGD]

I don't know where my sister wants to go. I guess Alaska .

 

[DrGreg]

I don't know where my sister wants to go. I guess Alaska .

My sister went to the West Indies.
Jamaica?
No, she wanted to go.

(A very old joke, paraphrased)

 

[WWGD]

My sister went to the West Indies.
Jamaica?
No, she wanted to go.

(A very old joke, paraphrased)

Addition of jokes: I don't know where my sister wants to go. I guess Alaska. If she won't tell you, Jamaica.

 

[davenn]

ohhhh dear hahaha

 

[fresh_42]

ohhhh dear hahaha

View attachment 248550

Good price!

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

Man #1: Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...

<splat>

Man #2: (while #1 wipes off his eyeglasses) You were right the first time.

 

[davenn]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

"Oh, oh, the dark forces are coming over me!"
"Have you spilled the coffee again?"

 

[fresh_42]

(https://www.ladenzeile.de/wohnaccessoires/dekoration/tuer/schilder/blech/)

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

Nostradamus knew I was going to make this joke...

 

[Ibix]

What's a snake's favourite subject?

Hissstory.

 

[jack action]

Another password joke:

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

Yesterday I played chess against my little eight-year-old daughter. She was playing for the first time.
Of course I beat her.

But only because the lousy pita has won.