Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

A no-joke joke ( has the setup, a punchline, looks and sounds like a joke, but is no joke*):

1) Your momma's so fat, when she walks around the house...she really WALKS around the house.

2) The town I was born in was so small -- even the Ferris wheel was green.

* Tell it to people and many are embarrassed to admit they don't get it and will laugh with an uncomfortable chuckle.

 

[Mark44]

You didn't get mine either! Just being cynic ...

What you wrote wouldn't qualify as a joke. Even in lame jokes, there has to be some logical coherence, based often on double meanings of words.
"deer with no eyes" -- "no idea" $\equiv$ "no eye deer"
"deer with no eyes and no legs" -- "still no idea" $\equiv$ "still no eye deer", with still meaning inert as a second meaning.
Responses of "blind deer" "blind cripple deer" don't have these same plays on words.

Don't give up your day job...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What you wrote wouldn't qualify as a joke. Even in lame jokes, there has to be some logical coherence, based often on double meanings of words.
"deer with no eyes" -- "no idea" $\equiv$ "no eye deer"
"deer with no eyes and no legs" -- "still no idea" $\equiv$ "still no eye deer", with still meaning inert as a second meaning.
Responses of "blind deer" "blind cripple deer" don't have these same plays on words.

Don't give up your day job...

Please look at my edited above:

Or you didn't get mine! Just being cynic ...
[In other words I got Ibix's joke but I am "showing plain old trurh sarcasm ...".
Do you get it now? RSVP]

We are talking about a different type of joke than what you describe. Whether you get it or not it's a different story. Can't analyse everything!

Don't give up your day job...

Gee thanks! ...

 

[Mark44]

We are talking about a different type of joke than what you describe.

Obviously. The type of jokes I'm describing are the ones in the funny category.
"Plain old truth sarcasm" isn't in that category.

 

[davenn]

OK guys
let's move on

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Obviously. The type of jokes I'm describing are the ones in the funny category.
"Plain old truth sarcasm" isn't in that category.

But it may elicit groan ... . People's nuances and sense of humor matter and vary of course.

Plus let me put it this way:

Even in lame jokes, there has to be some logical coherence, based often on double meanings of words.

Thus in this case I chose the literal sense of the meaning of words to play with (lamely) and ... pull his leg ... . For those who got it, it could elicit groan at least. I didn't say myself it was funny or successful joke, but at least I hope you understand what I did.

Note: at least nowdays, in the jokes threads I just do what most people do. So no need to hit only on me. I don't like all the jokes on the threads and neither do all people. So if you don't like some of my jokes (or you don't fully get them) I think you can just skip them, instead of saying:

Don't give up your day job...

and may cause friction and/or misunderstanding in relevance to possible pertaining to content reference when I see below it e.g. "mfb likes this".I can point out many other similar cases in the jokes threads of not very good jokes where no one sais anything. Why "prejudice?" against me or something? But I am not really sure ...
[and this is not a report, or anything]

Also I want to clarify something, regarding my perhaps [mentors characterization for me] allegedly "fixation to likes" (not fully relevant here though):
Whenever I like a joke (or post in general), I automatically hit 'like' (it doesn't cost me anything and it is in fact encouraged by and incorporated in the Forum system, e.g. "number of posts", "likes", "trophy points", etc. - the Forum is set up that way, I didn't choose that, and I learned to appreciate it here in PF ...). But I do that no matter who wrote the post, without prejudice or bias against or for anyone. (not necessarilly 'give and takes' either, just basic courtesy on something that 'you actually like' ... instead of ignoring the like button, while others don't! ...)
I just wish everyone (more or less) did the same unbiased and unprejudiced, because bias and prejudice etc. are I think against the common sense and basic courtesy unwritten rules that we may sometimes forget ...

 

[mfb]

Can you discuss this elsewhere please?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Can you discuss this elsewhere please?

Of course!

 

[256bits]

What does Homer Simpson call a blind deer?

Spoiler

[="Doh!"]

What does Santa call a blind deer?

Spoiler

[="venison"]

-Spoilers needed attention for some reason

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What does Homer Simpson call a blind deer?

What does Santa call a blind deer?

No idea! ...

 

[jtbell]

So, now she sells C cells for her sea shells.

...in the Seychelles.

(with a tip of the hat to Alex Trebek and the writers of "Jeopardy!")

 

[davenn]

...in the Seychelles.

(with a tip of the hat to Alex Trebek and the writers of "Jeopardy!")

and for an extra 10 points ... Have you been to the Seychelles ?

 

[davenn]

didn't quite suit the " Animal Lovers" thread

a good giggle

 

[fresh_42]

didn't quite suit the " Animal Lovers" thread

a good giggle

He worked in a coal mine before, but got fired as it turned out he was over qualified.

 

[Mark44]

What happens when you confront an angry pepper?

It gets jalapeño face...

 

[fresh_42]

In some cases brain death remains without diagnose for years.

 

[OCR]

A toothless beaver walks into a pub, and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

OK, I finally got it !... in less than twelve hours, too.... .. LOL

 

[Ibix]

OK, I finally got it !... in less than twelve hours, too.... .. LOL

My record for longest time to get a joke is about ten years.

 

[OCR]

Still a better idea than arguing with a woman...

And...

A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it ! ..

 

[OCR]

A blond, who was tired of all the blond jokes going around, decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees...

Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned, but keeps his word and allows her to pick one.

She picks out the cutest...

He looks at her and says... "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back ? ....

 

[davenn]

in

And...

A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it ! ..

indeed

unlike this guy who probably didn't live too long after his response ...

 

[OCR]

And then the fight started...

 

[OCR]

Back to physics, and observation...

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger... then it hit me. ..

 

[BL4CKB0X97]

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard? Apple is about to enter a new field, cattle ranching, with a device named the iProd.

 

[mfb]

iRack?

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive."
-- W. C. Fields

 

[mfb]

"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive."
-- W. C. Fields

Indeed
But it can't be too bad, so far they always wanted to come back.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Indeed
But it can't be too bad

May be it gets bad at the exit! ...