Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

"Why could Emmy prove her groundbreaking result?"

"Because she knew that Sophus didn't lie!"

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 253357

Jonapun decided to rock the boat. His ship has sailed onto the sea of lonely people. Good luck fishing a new mate, Jonapun.

 

[collinsmark]

"Why could Emmy prove her groundbreaking result?"

"Because she knew that Sophus didn't lie!"

Little does she know, she's got a noether thing comin'.

 

[WWGD]

So, what do you do?
I study archeology
You dig?
Not really, just some dumpster diving.

 

[WWGD]

New York is a (path-) connected space. There is always a socio path between any two spots.

 

[256bits]

View attachment 253357

Oh, She must be a Star trek fan
"Engineering to the helm! She’s breaking up, Capt’n, and can’t take much more!”

 

[jtbell]

Where does Batman go when he's got to go?

To the Batroom!

 

[fresh_42]

"I don't mind that you take our business vehicle for your visit at McDonald's."

"But?"

"Don't use our SAR helicopter again!"

 

[WWGD]

"You told me if I put a potato in my bathing suit, I would be more popular with women at the beach. Here, I am wearing it at the beach and it's not working!"

"You're supposed to put it on the _front_ , not on the back of the bathing suit!"

 

[Borg]

When my wife asks me "How was your nap?", I tell her that it was everything I dreamed of.

 

[davenn]

A thanksgiving day one ...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

Happy thanksgiving to all the American PF members
Stay safe and enjoy the company of friends and family

 

[jack action]

On the Thanksgiving theme:

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

https://www.facebook.com/311842532684549/photos/a.336409800227822/662490277619771/?type=3&theater

 

[kuruman]

View attachment 253503

https://www.facebook.com/311842532684549/photos/a.336409800227822/662490277619771/?type=3&theater

I can see you brought home the Dalmatian. What about the mulled wine?

 

[jack action]

That is so funny! There is a local stand-up comic that just presented his new one man show: Dalmatians are huge in the countryside (my translation from french).

He does mostly one-liners and I saw an interview with him recently and he was saying that the show title comes from the joke that he was most proud of.

Now, you can find this joke easily online! That must feel like a D'Oh! moment for him!

 

[256bits]

I can see you brought home the Dalmatian. What about the mulled wine?

If he is glowing there could possibly be no wine left to display. ( Gluhwein )

 

[davenn]

I have a friend who's a professional skier.

His name is Al Pine.

 

[kuruman]

My uncle was a conductor.He got hit by lightning.

 

[DrGreg]

My uncle was a conductor.He got hit by lightning.

My uncle tried to be a conductor, but he couldn't get his train to play any musical instrument.

Alternative version for UK readers:

My uncle tried to be a conductor, but he couldn't get his bus to play any musical instrument.

 

[mfb]

My uncle tried to be a conductor, but faced too much resistance.

 

[Vanadium 50]

My uncle tried to be a conductor, but faced too much resistance.

True story - we once replaced a sign that said "No admittance" with one that said "No admittance - infinite impedance".

 

[Ibix]

My uncle tried to be a conductor, but faced too much resistance.

I tried to get a job as a conductor, but they sent me Ohm.

 

[gmax137]

True story - we once replaced a sign that said "No admittance" with one that said "No admittance - infinite impedance".

how did the crowd react?

 

[gmax137]

my grandpappy was a plumber out in the farmlands. his name was Doug Wells.

 

[BillTre]

Once saw a sign on a large grating covered hole in the wall.
The original sign "air intake" was replaced by
"Danger, entrance to warped space, Physic Dept. only".

 

[Vanadium 50]

how did the crowd react?

With resistance.

 

[Vanadium 50]

Some with reluctance.

 

[kuruman]

Any transients among the crowd?

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

Reminds me of the BOFH's Etherkiller - a mains plug on one end and an RJ45 jack on the other...

 

[fresh_42]

Everyone always laughed at me when I said that I would become a stand-up comedian. Now they are not laughing anymore!

 

[mfb]

Why do you consider a career in mirror manufacturing?I could see myself doing that.

 

[Ibix]

Every morning when I enter the bathroom I say a little prayer. It's my shaving grace.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

Will this post get ban because it talks about a perpetual motion machine?

 

[mfb]

Not perpetual motion, the motion will stop very rapidly at the bottom of the cliff.

 

[gmax137]

Will this post get ban because it talks about a perpetual motion machine?

It's just a bathtub in free-fall

 

[mfb]

On a more serious note: This is similar to how astronauts wash in space. Take a bit of water and soap, rub it over your body. Soak it up with a towel. It does save a lot of water.

 

[fresh_42]

It's just a bathtub in free-fall

Bad news is, if you want to shower for ten minutes, you will have to fall for 1766 km. But the good news is: you will automatically dry on re-entry!

 

[jbriggs444]

Bad news is, if you want to shower for ten minutes, you will have to fall for 1766 km. But the good news is: you will automatically dry on re-entry!

Or before. Body heat should be enough to freeze-dry the skin. Better lather quick before the water hardens though.

 

[mfb]

There are these upwards wind tunnels where you can "fall down" for as long as they have electricity. Slow them down and you can stand on the ground while the water doesn't fall down.

 

[fresh_42]

There are these upwards wind tunnels where you can "fall down" for as long as they have electricity. Slow them down and you can stand on the ground while the water doesn't fall down.

You can have the same horizontally even without electricity in any town with sufficiently high skyscrapers.

 

[Klystron]

Will this post get ban because it talks about a perpetual motion machine?

View attachment 253610​

Not perpetual motion -- so allowed by PF rules -- but I find the wet stick-figure dude hilarious along with the solemn admonition to save water.

 

[WWGD]

Dalai Lama applying for a permit:

Date of Birth:
...

...
1-1- 23 BC
...
...

2-23-157

...

...

6-29-35