Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

Ibid. He's the most cited philosopher ever...

Whereas the most cited physicist must be Al.

 

[mfb]

Whereas the most cited physicist must be Al.

Yeah, but how often was he first author?

 

[OCR]

I/eye, I think.

Aye ...

 

[mjc123]

Whereas the most cited physicist must be Al.

When I was little, I really thought there was a prolific author called Anon...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 207571

Well, you can tell by the way I use hard maths,
I do science, man, got time for graphs.

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

When I was little, I really thought there was a prolific author called Anon...

He was famous for his run-on sentences, which went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

 

[davenn]

not happy haha

 

[256bits]

What! The Mary Kay Cadillac. Hillarious.

 

[fresh_42]

"What would you do if a bear attacked your wife?"
"Nothing. The bear began with it, should it see how to defend itself."

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

What! The Mary Kay Cadillac. Hillarious.

Good God! Don't ever equate Mary Kay and Hello Kitty!

 

[davenn]

Today's giggle

Sister Mary entered the Monastery of Silence.

The priest said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery.
You are welcome here for as long as you like,
but you may not speak until directed to do so.”
...
Sister Mary lived in the monastery for five years before the priest said
to her, “Sister Mary, you have been here for five years. You may speak
two words.”

Sister Mary said, “Hard bed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the priest said. “We will get you a better bed.”

After another five years, Sister Mary was summoned by the priest.
“You may speak another two words, Sister Mary.”

“Cold food,” said Sister Mary, and the priest assured her that the
food would be better in the future.

On her fifteenth anniversary at the monastery, the priest again called
Sister Mary into his office. “You may speak two words today.”

“I quit,” said Sister Mary.

“It’s probably best,” said the priest.
“You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Is any way we can get this thread to a veterinarian. (Bless you, smell checker.)

 

[davenn]

 

[thejosh]

What did the calculator say to the mistyped number
CALC-U-LATER.

 

[thejosh]

If my dad's from Iceland and my mom's from Cuba, does that mean I'm an Ice-Cube?

 

[fresh_42]

Guest in a restaurant: "What's the specialty today?" - "Tongue." - "Oh, no. I won't eat what others had in their mouth! Bring me some eggs."

 

[jedishrfu]

Guest in a restaurant: "What's the specialty today?" - "Tongue." - "Oh, no. I won't eat what others had in their mouth! Bring me some eggs."

Tongue must be quite eggsotic to eat.

 

[mfb]

There is also Kopi Luwak ...

 

[jedishrfu]

There is also Kopi Luwak ...

Yeah first heard of this in the Bucket List movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.

 

[thejosh]

A cannibal always loves his Taste(y)-Budds, they always make his life full of flavour!

 

[OCR]

A cannibal...

... might pass his friend on the trail, too....

 

[fresh_42]

... might pass his friend on the trail, too....

This gives this sign a completely new perspective:

 

[OCR]

This gives this sign a completely new perspective:

Yarrr! ...

And the Stories ... and the pictures... and THE CODE !

 

[Ben Gilliam]

This gives this sign a completely new perspective:

View attachment 208025

nice one)

 

[fresh_42]

"A shot please!"
"But you are at McDonalds's here!"
"Oh sorry. A McShot please!"

 

[PetSounds]

Q: What's a mathematician's favourite hockey team?

Spoiler

A: The Edmonton Eulers.

 

[fresh_42]

Q: What's a mathematician's favourite hockey team?

Spoiler

A: The Edmonton Eulers.

And a physicist's?

Spoiler

The Calgary Frames

Which says it all.

 

[PetSounds]

And a physicist's?

Spoiler

The Calgary Frames

Which says it all.

And in baseball, the great mathematics-physics showdown is St. Louis Cardinals vs. Houston Astros. Of course, a few will always be inclined toward the Philadelphia Philosophers...