Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

 

[256bits]

View attachment 253641

There should be one for mathematicians on transcendental meditation.

 

[WWGD]

There should be one for mathematicians on transcendental meditation.

Their resist having one.

 

[davenn]

A pun that actually has good advice ...

 

[256bits]

Try programming that one in C,
or have the AI geeks solve it.
Endless fun.

 

[WWGD]

This 15 year-old guy tells a father:
"Father, I just had 5 hours of sex with the most beautiful woman ever."
"Ok, then say 10 hail-Marys and 5 Rosaries."
" No, father, I am Buddhist."
"Then why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling _everyone_!"

 

[Mark44]

Apologies if repeated somewhere in the previous 6606 posts.

"She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still."

Or...

"She was only a rancher's daughter, but all the cow men knew 'er."

Or ...
"She was only a welder's daughter, but she had acetylene legs."

 

[Bystander]

acetylene legs.

Noowww I get it.

 

[jtbell]

"She was only a welder's daughter, but she had acetylene legs."

So long as they’re not toulene...

 

[WWGD]

No, that's only in New Orleans and they have a school named for them.

 

[jbriggs444]

Is there no "like" selection for /runs screaming from the room while holding his nose/?

 

[WWGD]

Workers at the glue-making plant made the best of a sticky situation.
cc JBriggs444: Don't come back yet!

 

[WWGD]

The jokes about horseradish
were pun-gent.
(Still, JBriggs...)

 

[WWGD]

Double horrible pun in classical music festival:
Going for Baroque. Sebastian is Bach!

 

[fresh_42]

Double horrible pun in classical music festival:
Going for Baroque. Sebastian is Bach!

Sure you want to brag with your incapability to pronounce "ch" correctly?

 

[WWGD]

Sure you want to brag with your incapability to pronounce "ch" correctly?

Anything, including mispronouncing for the sake of a (horrible) pun.

 

[BillTre]

This one is really lame:

 

[WWGD]

This one is really lame:

View attachment 253784

We're both torturing sentences just to be punny.

 

[fresh_42]

We're both torturing sentences just to be punny.

Indeed! Btw. can Americans pronounce Jorge?

 

[WWGD]

Indeed! Btw. can Americans pronounce Jorge?

Probably in different ways. I know (some) Spanish so I would pronounce different than many. Why? Are you meeting with Jorge on your way bach?

 

[fresh_42]

I'm asking since the "J" is similar to "ch". I further assume that there are many Bachs as well as many Jorges in the USA. So why doesn't the Bachs work, while the Jorges probably don't change their spanish pronunciation?

 

[WWGD]

Because in English ch is mostly pronounced as a 'k'. But the J is pronounced likeca light g.

 

[mfb]

This one is really lame:

I wonder how often it has been copied, translated via screenshot, or encoded differently for other reasons to make the quality that bad.

 

[DrGreg]

Double horrible pun in classical music festival:
Going for Baroque. Sebastian is Bach!

I don't speak German, but I think the "ch" in "Bach" is pronounced similarly to how the Scots pronounce it in "loch" or how the Welsh pronounce it in "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".

But back to mispronouncing it in a joke:

I think that Arnold Schwarzenegger has said that, in a future film about composers, he'll be Bach.

 

[WWGD]

I don't speak German, but I think the "ch" in "Bach" is pronounced similarly to how the Scots pronounce it in "loch" or how the Welsh pronounce it in "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".

But back to mispronouncing it in a joke:

I think that Arnold Schwarzenegger has said that, in a future film about composers, he'll be Bach.

He also did a take on Bill S's 'Omellette': 2B or not 2B .

 

[jtbell]

Going for Baroque. Sebastian is Bach!

Yeah, gopher baroque!

 

[WWGD]

Yeah, gopher baroque!

View attachment 253808

AC DC tried a rock version of his music: Sebastian Bach is Back in Black.

 

[kuruman]

Have you noticed that in a symphony's repertoire Bach is more Offenbach than Offenbach is Bach?

 

[WWGD]

You can trace back Bach's Bachanalia to Offenbach's bachalaureate days.

 

[davenn]

too funny

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

I really love the old Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns ... never saw the cat in the original tho, hahaha

 

[Ibix]

I really love the old Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns ... never saw the cat in the original tho, hahaha

All three characters had the same theme music, one on vox humana, one whistled, and one on harmonica. I've now got it going round in my head on synth-meow.

Meow-eow-eow...

Meow, meow, meow

 

[jack action]

This is so cool!

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[mfb]

.

The French had a few revolutions in the last centuries. The Earth had one revolution per day!

 

[davenn]

 

[jim mcnamara]

I could have posted these in several posts... maybe they should have been in no post at all.

• What did the man say when the bridge fell on him?
_The suspension is killing me._

• Do you have weight loss mantras?
_Fat chants!_

• My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me...
_Or sew it seams._

• A relief map shows...
_Where the restrooms are._

• There was a big paddle sale at the boat store...
_It was quite an oar deal._

• The meaning of opaque is...
_unclear._

• I wasn't going to get a brain transplant...
_But then I changed my mind

 

[jtbell]

Why don't you see spherical cows working in large corporations?

They're not a good fit for cubicle farms.

 

[jim mcnamara]

• So what if I don't know the meaning of the word 'apocalypse'?
_It's not like it's the end of the world._

 

[Mark44]

When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg!

 

[Mark44]

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
"You mean a martini?" the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"

 

[kuruman]

A neutrino walks into a bar in Tijuana and says,
"Una cerveza por favor."
"No mas", says the bartender.
"Si, un poco", replies the neutrino.

(I don't remember if I've seen this here but it's worth repeating.)

 

[fresh_42]

A neutrino walks through a bar.

 

[Johnny Yuma]

Guy walks into a seafood bar and grill...orders an Old Crow on the rocks. Downs it and complains to the waiter that it was no good, watered down. Asks the waiter if he can swap the empty glass for today's calamari special.
Waiter becomes incensed and escorts the guy to the door, saying "You are denied service for attempting a squid for Crow".

 

[mfb]

Waiter becomes incensed and escorts the guy to the door, saying "You are denied service for attempting a squid for Crow".

I'm peach in the face for shame?

 

[fresh_42]

Actually, this sentence is missing on every IKEA building instruction:

"First, drink a glass of wine!"

 

[Johnny Yuma]

After President Millard Fillmore died on 8 March 1874 the Whig party decided to display him in his coffin for a few days and hired a well known carpenter, T. Milton Walker to build a suitable frame to hold the heavy and ornate coffin. It went very well and many viewers remarked on the elegant detail and structure of the frame.

Indeed, it was later known as... the bier that made Milt Walker famous