"Sure, you do get heckled when you do stand-up comedy. But it's particularly unpleasant when it's personal. Once there was this guy in the audience who hated Italians; I don't know why - he was really pissed off with all Italians. Including me, apparently.
"As soon as I got on stage - I hadn't even begun my act - he stood up, pointing at me, and started shouting 'You're all mafia scum! Damn crooks! You're ruining this country! Go back to Italy! ...' and things like that.
"I tried to calm him down, I explained that I was third-generation, that even my parents had been born and bred here, and my wife was American. That made him even more furious, he said we were invading his country, raping his children...
"I told him not all Italians are from the mafia, and we brought good things, too, good food, pizza... But he just wouldn't stop shouting and insulting, his face was purple all over, his eyes were bulging, he was making a fool of himself and embarrassing me in front of the whole audience...
(long pause, walking slowly around the stage, looking down at his feet)
"So that evening I told my cousin Gino to kill him."
