Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

What an embarrassing performance it must have been as we gave up the oceans ...

 

[256bits]

Near the end, one at the top of the frame is making a valiant effort.

 

[Mark44]

(In reference to the video of a salmon crossing a road:)

What an embarrassing performance it must have been as we gave up the oceans ...

?
I don't know what you're saying. Assuming that you don't understand about the life cycle of anadromous fish, salmon hatch in freshwater streams, and most migrate out to the sea where they live for several years. Toward the end of their lives, they return to the exact stream where they hatched, to spawn a new generation of salmon, repeating the cycle.

In my first teaching job I was at a small high school on the Olympic Peninsula in Wash. state. The Olympic Peninsula is known for its prodigious rainfall, especially on the west and southwest sides, up to 175 inches per year. During one especially rainy period, I remember hearing one of the bus drivers remark that she way salmon swimming across the road she was driving along, just like what is shown in the video.

 

[Mark44]

Near the end, one at the top of the frame is making a valiant effort.

I saw one going the wrong way -- downstream. He must have not gotten the memo...

 

[Mark44]

A fish walks into a cafe. The waitress asks, "What'll you have?"

The fish replies, "Water!"

Garfield cartoon, 9/14/17

 

[fresh_42]

I don't know what you're saying. Assuming that you don't understand about the life cycle of anadromous fish ...

This was (funny?) remark about evolution, not about fish migrations.

 

[Mark44]

This was (funny?) remark about evolution, not about fish migrations.

The reference to evolution was too obscure for me to pick up...

 

[Ibix]

This was (funny?) remark about evolution, not about fish migrations.

Quoting the late great Sir PTerry from memory:

The sergeant gave the officer a look that had been handed down from NCO to NCO since one proto-amphibian had ordered another, lower ranking, proto-amphibian to muster a squad of newts and take that beach!

 

[DrGreg]

After about 20 minutes, the man's Doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confessed... "Not with a Daffodil."

Here's the same joke in Carry On Nurse (1959), followed by a cross-reference in Carry On Doctor (1968).

 

[davenn]

Here's the same joke in Carry On Nurse (1959), followed by a cross-reference in Carry On Doctor (1968).

haha very good :)

 

[Charles Link]

This was (funny?) remark about evolution, not about fish migrations.

Hi @fresh_42 I just gave you a "like" to your response so I could say I gave you "like" # 3000. Congratulations! And no, this response really doesn't belong in the Lame joke section, but that was the easiest posting of yours to respond to. :) :) :)

 

[davenn]

Hahaha

 

[Ibix]

Hahaha

View attachment 211182

thank u please send me ur bank details and passwordz so i cn transfer the 19.95

 

[davenn]

thank u please send me ur bank details and passwordz so i cn transfer the 19.95

hahaha yup, when hell freezes over

 

[Ibix]

hahaha yup, when hell freezes over

Yeah, I don't think I've got the skills to make it as a con artist.

 

[davenn]

 

[Tom.G]

thank u please send me ur bank details and passwordz so i cn transfer the 19.95

hahaha yup, when hell freezes over

Pre-requisite met. Hand 'em over.

 

[davenn]

Pre-requisite met. Hand 'em over.

View attachment 211254

hahahaha

 

[ISamson]

Why did the electron cross the road?

Because it was being attracted by the ion.

 

[DrGreg]

Why did the electron cross the road?

Because it was being attracted by the ion.

Sorry, I don't get this. What's the connection between "road" and "ion"?

Nevertheless, I asked the ion if this story was true and she said "Yes".

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive."

 

[mfb]

... so the electron didn't reach it yet?

Don't trust the ion, especially not when it is neutral. Atoms make up everything.

 

[fresh_42]

By the way: Is there an Apple patent for switches?

Spoiler

i-on
i-off

 

[DrClaude]

Why did the electron cross the road? It didn't, it tunneled through

 

[ISamson]

Why is space-time curved?

Because it got curved.
Very lame, right?

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

View attachment 211304

I've always had trouble with statistics like that.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I've always had trouble with statistics like that.

Simple: one of the 3 was pregnant ...

 

[mfb]

It is one of the 107% of statistics that are made up.

 

[jtbell]

I wonder if this retail chain is going to rename itself Toys R Bust.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/09/19/toys-r-us-files-bankruptcy/678069001/

 

[mfb]

Bust R Us