Collection of Lame Jokes

[256bits]

My girlfriend and I had a fight.
In spite, she went out to movie with a cannibal.
"A movie? Gladiator ?"

" No. I do miss her."

 

[WWGD]

It seems WHO was keeping some dogs ,testing whether they could get Corona. After concluding they could not, WHO let the dogs out.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[mfb]

If you have aliens, how likely are your family members and coworkers to get aliens?

 

[Jarvis323]

If you have aliens, how likely are your family members and coworkers to get aliens?

People who have learned that aliens exist should self isolate for at least 1 month to avoid spreading the condition.

 

[WWGD]

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
"Stop shaking the stairs, you little #@#!".

 

[davenn]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

Overheard at a temple in an Indian forest:
" Me Tarzan, you Jain"

 

[davenn]

Did you hear about the Irishman that bounces off of walls?

His name is Rick O'Shay.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DaveC426913]

"One final question Mister Batman, if I may. You always crime fight at night. Why is it that you wear all black?"

"So I don't get shot at."

"Uh huh. And why is it that Robin wears bright day-glo colours?"

"So I don't get shot at."

 

[WWGD]

The new dyslexic priest warned me that heavy metal is the music of Santa.

 

[fresh_42]

The new dyslexic priest warned me that heavy metal is the music of Santa.

Sure it is!

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

Viagra shipment stolen. Police looking for hardened criminals.

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

Finland has just closed their borders

No one will be crossing the finish line

 

[Ibix]

When I was a kid it was my job to mow the lawn. One time I'd sprained my ankle and couldn't walk, so couldn't mow the lawn. My dad said it was a lame excuse.

 

[WWGD]

The movie 'Constipation' has been held up for release .Yet again.

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 259069

They don't need no toilet paper!

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

Chip 'n' Dale
For Sale!

​

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 259081

You have a balcony? Luxury! I didn't have no balcony when I were a lad...

 

[Ibix]

 

[davenn]

working from home but missing public transport

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

Lamest of the lame, from some fish friends.

 

[jack action]

What kind of jokes does the WHO recommend right now?

Spoiler: Answer

Inside jokes.

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

What kind of jokes does the WHO recommend right now?

Spoiler: Answer

Inside jokes.

On a similar note, the SEC is now encouraging insider trading.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[mfb]

It's fine, they are all older than 14 days anyway, reposted over and over again.

 

[jtbell]

Yesterday I encountered an expert in social distancing:

 

[jack action]

Can we uninstall and reinstall 2020? I think there's a virus.

 

[Borg]

Can we uninstall and reinstall 2020? I think there's a virus.

More like a plague. This is the year of the rat after all.

 

[fresh_42]

More like a plague. This is the year of the rat after all.

How far can a flea jump?

 

[wrobel]

papa may I kiss you?
-- I have no money, your mom has already kissed mepapa why do all my same ages attend fourth grade while I still attend the second grade
-- bring me another vodka from the kitchen son

 

[davenn]

 

[256bits]

papa may I kiss you?
-- I have no money, your mom has already kissed mepapa why do all my same ages attend fourth grade while I still attend the second grade
-- bring me another vodka from the kitchen son

Dysfunctional family jokes.
I think there was a movie about that.

 

[WWGD]

Why do you write 'dark' with a k in the end instead of with a c?
Because you can't c in the dark.

 

[davenn]

How to keep people away from me
Knew my Scottish heritage would come in handy one day

 

[fresh_42]

... water supply companies report a new low. Nobody takes a shower anymore ...