Collection of Lame Jokes

[OCR]

some Christmas comedy ...

^{Ho ho ho!}


[Ref]

 

[jtbell]

The neighborhood cats are planning a fabulous Christmas dinner:

4 calling birds
3 French hens
2 turtledoves
and a partridge in a pear tree

Meowy Christmas!

 

[AlexCaledin]

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

When the man is alone, he likewise hangs from the ceiling.

The boss comes and says, "Now what's the matter?"

The man replies, "I want to go home too! I can't work in the dark."

 

[256bits]

A short American tale.

What did Tenna see??
Same thing that Arkan saw,
The drove Okla homa,
While Miisis sippi her tonic,
Wondering "What did Dela ware?" to the New Year's ball,
for Tex ax the tree,
so Mon tanna under the sun,
the crash so great that Flo rida her house of mice,
Nev ada all the little scurrying varmints,
but Massa chu setts, yuke that's gross,
cuz the cow needs a New York to pull the plow.

 

[fresh_42]

A short American tale.

What did Tenna see??
Same thing that Arkan saw,
The drove Okla homa,
While Miisis sippi her tonic,
Wondering "What did Dela ware?" to the New Year's ball,
for Tex ax the tree,
so Mon tanna under the sun,
the crash so great that Flo rida her house of mice,
Nev ada all the little scurrying varmints,
but Massa chu setts, yuke that's gross,
cuz the cow needs a New York to pull the plow.

Oh, hi, Oh,
why Georgia
did you do this?
I almost needed a new jersey.

 

[256bits]

https://www.bing.com/search?q=what+did+delaware+boys+song&FORM=QSRE3

 

[jtbell]

Recreational marijuana use will become legal in California on January 1.

I hear a lot of people there will be celebrating the toke of midnight on New Year's Eve.

 

[Ibix]

Recreational marijuana use will become legal in California on January 1.

I hear a lot of people there will be celebrating the toke of midnight on New Year's Eve.

Celebrating the New Year and the new law? A joint celebration, then.

 

[Psinter]

View attachment 217408 ^{Ho ho ho!}


[Ref]

Ho ho ho! Happy birthday!

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Recreational marijuana use will become legal in California on January 1.

I hear a lot of people there will be celebrating the toke of midnight on New Year's Eve.

Arrests only until 11:59:59 pm PT ...
But when the court takes place can they invoke the new law then?

 

[davenn]

Celebrating the New Year and the new law? A joint celebration, then.

hahaha that got a good laugh out of me

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 217595

<Sneaks up, wires alarm clock to power switch>

 

[mfb]

100 kilopascals go into a bar.

 

[Ibix]

100 kilopascals go into a bar.

The place had no atmosphere before those guys arrived...

 

[Orodruin]

After writing the non-entry for the haiku/limerick contest, I could not stop thinking in limericks ...

There was a racing horse called Ron
Every race that he entered, he won
Because once we agree
To use units of c
His speed was equal to 1

 

[mfb]

Are massless horses allowed?

 

[Orodruin]

Are massless horses allowed?

Poetic licence.

 

[Ibix]

Are massless horses allowed?

The problem is finding a jockey who's light enough to ride it.

 

[davenn]

 

[Psinter]

Cortana, tell Google to tell Siri to tell Alexa to play my playlist.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

100 kilopascals go into a bar.

Multi-nutrients are already in the bar! ... Who knows what their get-together might bring ...

 

[mfb]

Multi-nutrients are already in the bar! ... Who knows what their get-together might bring ...

As long as we don’t run out of space in the bar...

 

[jtbell]

Meanwhile, back in New York, where the temperature is forecast to be 11 F (-12 C) in Times Square tonight, they've prepared a new song for the New Year's Eve celebration: "Cold Lang Syne."

 

[newjerseyrunner]

What is the most common language used in software engineering?

Profanity.

 

[davenn]

it was a good place to be today and going to be even hotter over the next couple of days.
They are predicting 40+ C in my area

Dave

 

[davenn]

now speaking of Aussie pubs. This is a classic old song performed by the Australian C&W singer/songwriter, Slim Dusty



Lyrics
It's lonesome away from your kindred and all
By the campfire at night where the wild Dingos call
But there's nothin' so lonesome, so dull or so drear
Than to stand in the bar of a pub with no beer

Now the Publican's anxious for the quota to come
There's a faraway look on the face of the bum
The maid's gone all cranky and the cook's acting queer
What a terrible place is a pub with no beer

The stock man rides up with his dry, dusty throat
He breasts up till the bar, pulls a wad from his coat
But the smile on his face quickly turns to a sneer
When the barman says suddenly, "The pub's got no beer"

There's a dog on the verandah, for his master he waits
But the boss is inside drinking wine with his mates
He hurries for cover and he cringes in fear
It's no place for a dog round a pub with no beer

Old Billy, the blacksmith, the first time in his life
Has gone home cold sober to his darling wife
He walks in the kitchen, she says, "You're early, me dear"
Then he breaks down and he tells her that the pub's got no beer

It's lonesome away from your kindred and all
By the campfire at night where the wild Dingos call
But there's nothin' so lonesome, so dull or so drear
Than to stand in the bar of a pub with no beer
Songwriters: GORDON NOEL PARSONS
© EMI Music Publishing
For non-commercial use only.
Data From: LyricFind

 

[lekh2003]

This thread is too good. So much lame. I think that once we pass a certain threshold of lameness, the jokes become good.

 

[fresh_42]

now speaking of Aussie pubs. This is a classic old song performed by the Australian C&W singer/songwriter, Slim Dusty

Lyrics
It's lonesome away from your kindred and all
By the campfire at night where the wild Dingos call
But there's nothin' so lonesome, so dull or so drear
Than to stand in the bar of a pub with no beer
...

I see a light inclination towards catastrophes: Earth quakes, pubs with no beer. What's next? Locusts again?

 

[AlexCaledin]