Collection of Lame Jokes

  • Thread starter Thread starter quddusaliquddus
  • Start date Start date
  • Tags Tags
    Jokes
Click For Summary
The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #4,291
joke patches.jpg
 

Attachments

  • joke patches.jpg
    joke patches.jpg
    70.6 KB · Views: 794
  • Like
Likes Stavros Kiri, Drakkith, DrClaude and 1 other person
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #4,292
davenn said:
That reminds me of an old one:

Did you know Cleopatra used to bathe in donkey's milk?

Really? Pasteurised?

No, only up to her tummy button.
 
  • Like
Likes Stavros Kiri and davenn
  • #4,293
lekh2003 said:
My phone was recently destroyed by an internal hardware issue and I lost at last 3 GB of high quality memes fresh from Reddit. It was a sad day.
When someone threatens to delete your memes if you don't speak: Nooooooooo. Not my memes! Anything but that!

(sort of a lame joke)
 
  • #4,294
cvl8prxr8iay.jpg

Is this not lame enough?
 

Attachments

  • cvl8prxr8iay.jpg
    cvl8prxr8iay.jpg
    36.1 KB · Views: 395
  • Like
Likes davenn, Ibix and fresh_42
  • #4,295
Ah, the good old browser downloader program.
 
  • Like
Likes Ibix and fresh_42
  • #4,296
meme.jpg

I can keep em coming.
 

Attachments

  • meme.jpg
    meme.jpg
    34.5 KB · Views: 341
  • #4,297
Where do pigs post their selfies?

On Instaham.
 
  • #4,298
fresh_42 said:
Dear Customer Service,

first I want to tell you that I'm writing this letter with my middle fingers ...
:oldlaugh: I may actually use that one.
 
  • #4,299
bosses be like .....jpg
 

Attachments

  • bosses be like .....jpg
    bosses be like .....jpg
    50.5 KB · Views: 736
  • #4,300
davenn said:
Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays us from our appointed duties - but we do draw the line when our car is actually buried under ice.
 
  • #4,301
I found this gold.
Hurts-a-little-bit.jpg
 

Attachments

  • Hurts-a-little-bit.jpg
    Hurts-a-little-bit.jpg
    42.7 KB · Views: 722
  • Like
Likes davenn and Drakkith
  • #4,302
This is an actual screenshot from bing.

bing.png
 

Attachments

  • bing.png
    bing.png
    14.7 KB · Views: 366
  • Like
Likes davenn, collinsmark, nsaspook and 2 others
  • #4,303
What's a pirate's favourite letter?

Arrrrrr.
 
  • Like
Likes davenn, jtbell and AlexCaledin
  • #4,304
I just found out some interesting things about vegetarians. The English translation of the Navajo word for vegetarian is "he who is lousy hunter". Also, although it's true that most vegetarians are vegetarians because they love animals, there are a few who are vegetarians because they hate plants. You can spot them in restaurants laughing demonically as they eat their brussel sprouts. Personally, I'm only a partial vegetarian. I just adore spinach and collard green plants and would never DREAM of eating them.
 
  • Like
Likes davenn, QuantumQuest, collinsmark and 1 other person
  • #4,305
Phone rings.
Me: Hello
Voice: Hi. Can I ask if your refrigerator I running?
Me: Yes. It's running.
Voice: Better go catch it.
Me: Arrr
 
  • Like
Likes Stavros Kiri, ISamson and AlexCaledin
  • #4,306
256bits said:
Phone rings.
Me: Hello
Voice: Hi. Can I ask if your refrigerator I running?
Me: Yes. It's running.
Voice: Better go catch it.
Me: Arrr
There is no reason to be angry. Here's an example (unfortunately not until the end, but the first pages are worth a read anyway)

Born to be free
 
  • #4,307
Funny stuff.
The tale actually came up as #2 on the Google book.

Now I don't know if I should tell what happened the second time the phone rang.
Oh, what the heck.

Me: Hello
Voice: Is this Mr Wall.
Me : No.
Voice: Oh. Are there any Walls in your house.
Me: No
Voice : Then what's holding up the roof?
Me: Arrrr
 
  • #4,308
I'm not sure whether I've read the following here or somewhere else, so I beg a pardon if so.

Whoever invented the Knock-Knock-Jokes should win the No-Bell prize.
 
  • Like
Likes Stavros Kiri, ISamson, davenn and 3 others
  • #4,309
fresh_42 said:
Whoever invented the Knock-Knock-Jokes should win the No-Bell prize.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Isobel.
Isobel who?
Isobel on a bicycle.
 
  • #4,310
in a village, very late in a winter evening

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Need firewood?
No.

Next morning, the villager discovers that all his firewood disappeared...
 
  • Like
Likes Stavros Kiri, 256bits, ISamson and 2 others
  • #4,311
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A woolly jumper.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?

A walky-talky.

What do you get if you cross that with an amoeba?

A cell phone.
 
  • Like
Likes 256bits and davenn
  • #4,312
davenn said:
:frown::frown: not good

I don't rely on my phone for mass storage ... it's all done on the PC with backups

Dave
But do you backup the backups? Because you are in great danger, otherwise!
 
  • #4,313
deRoy said:
But do you backup the backups? Because you are in great danger, otherwise!
Who's going to backup the backup of the backups?
 
  • #4,314
Ibix said:
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walky-talky.

What do you get if you cross that with an amoeba?
A cell phone.

That reminds me of a joke I've posted before:

DrGreg said:
Q. What do you get when you cross a mountain-climber with a mosquito?
A. Nothing: you can't cross a scaler with a vector.

You need to know about mathematical vectors and scalars as well as epidemiological vectors.
 
  • Like
Likes Drakkith and collinsmark
  • #4,315
DrGreg said:
Q. What do you get when you cross a mountain-climber with a mosquito?
##\left|\mathrm {mountain-climber}\right|\left|\mathrm {mosquito}\right|\sin\theta\vec{\hat n}##?
 
  • #4,316
At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release (by Mr. Welch himself) stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason at all, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, executing a manoeuver such as a left-turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, and you would have to reinstall the engine.

4. When your car died on the freeway for no reason, you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought ‘Car95’ or ‘CarNT’, and then added more seats.

6. Apple would make a car powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five per cent of the roads.

7. Oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single ‘general car default’ warning light.

8. New seats would force every-one to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag would say ‘Are you sure?’ before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of road maps from Rand-McNally (a subsidiary of GM), even though they neither need them nor want them. Trying to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You would press the ‘start’ button to shut off the engine.
 
  • Like
Likes Stavros Kiri, mathwonk, Bystander and 2 others
  • #4,317
I bought one of those Himalayan salt lamps. Apparently it achieves all sorts of health benefits by releasing negative ions.

If it works I'll be shocked.
 
  • Like
Likes davenn and mfb
  • #4,318
Ibix said:
If it works I'll be shocked.
That is reeaaallllllllyyyyyyyyy bad.
 
  • #4,319
Seen while sightseeing today:

DE3B240C-B40F-4704-8798-7CE453A15960.jpeg
 

Attachments

  • DE3B240C-B40F-4704-8798-7CE453A15960.jpeg
    DE3B240C-B40F-4704-8798-7CE453A15960.jpeg
    43.1 KB · Views: 904
  • Like
Likes AlexCaledin, davenn and DrClaude
  • #4,320

Similar threads

  • · Replies 459 ·
16
Replies
459
Views
33K
  • · Replies 57 ·
2
Replies
57
Views
8K
  • · Replies 3 ·
Replies
3
Views
234
  • · Replies 402 ·
14
Replies
402
Views
39K
  • · Replies 7 ·
Replies
7
Views
3K
  • · Replies 15 ·
Replies
15
Views
5K
  • · Replies 1 ·
Replies
1
Views
3K
  • · Replies 21 ·
Replies
21
Views
3K
  • · Replies 5 ·
Replies
5
Views
2K
  • · Replies 185 ·
7
Replies
185
Views
10K