Collection of Lame Jokes

[Keith_McClary]

joke explainer

Even worse:

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for February 08, 1995

 

[WWGD]

Even worse:
View attachment 263541
Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for February 08, 1995

Calvin and Hobbes go ' Meta'.

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

Patient: "Doctor, I have this song running through my mind all the time -- 'The Green, Green, Grass of Home'."
Doctor: "Sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome."
Patient: "Really? I've never heard of it"
Doctor: "It's not unusual."

 

[fresh_42]

Patient: "Doctor, I have this song running through my mind all the time -- 'The Green, Green, Grass of Home'."
Doctor: "Sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome."
Patient: "Really? I've never heard of it"
Doctor: "It's not unusual."

Oh, thanks. Now I have this Delilah earworm.

 

[Ibix]

Oh, thanks. Now I have this Delilah earworm.

Why, why, why, d'you have that?

 

[davenn]

20% off everythi

 

[mfb]

Except animal food.

Sorry, German "insider" joke that won't be understood outside.
A large German hardware store chain (now bankrupt) had a long-running ad of "20% off of everything, except animal food". People wondered why animal food was excluded, but it was probably just marketing strategy - make people talk about it. And it did work.

 

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[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 263661

We should give due credit for this. Miami Herald has a similar headline:
https://www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-world/world/article25161682.html

 

[jack action]

Baptism 2020

 

[Klystron]

Baptism 2020

View attachment 263676​

That priest displays excellent shooting stance: proper foot angle, good balance, shoulders straight, both eyes open, elbow relaxed on shooting arm, firm grip on water pistol. Also positioned to duck behind baptismal if the baby returns fire.

Does he throw the salt like a sumo wrestler?

 

[davenn]

 

[phinds]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

Reading The Economist while eating breakfast this morning, I was struck by the following sentence: "A plan to reboot the Euro area was ground down to a budget of homeopathic insignificance." It then occurred to me:

Anyone prescribing homeopathic medicine should be required accept homeopathic payment: an empty envelope that used to have money in it.

 

[WWGD]

Reading The Economist while eating breakfast this morning, I was struck by the following sentence: "A plan to reboot the Euro area was ground down to a budget of homeopathic insignificance. It then occurred to me:

Anyone prescribing homeopathic medicine should be required accept homeopathic payment: an empty envelope that used to have money in it.

A phrasing I have found strange is, often referring to famous people : " How was x as a person?" What else was x if not a person?

 

[phinds]

A phrasing I have found strange is, often referring to famous people : " How was x as a person?" What else was x if not a person?

I don't find that strange at all. Hollywood folks are "on" in public, not so much, or not at all, in private. "As a person" means when not "on". I know exactly how that goes. All my career, I was "on" any time I went to a job interview, but not so much the rest of the time. EVERYBODY is "on, at least to some extent, on a first date.

 

[Keith_McClary]

These poor folks are stranded far from home because of Covid-19.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

Now that casinos have started to re-open, they're offering curbside service. You simply drop your money in a box and drive off. You don't have to go inside in order to lose it all.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Rubes by Leigh Rubin for April 13, 2020

 

[WWGD]

 

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[jtbell]

Pacific Tropical Storm Amanda has now crossed Central America, and its remnants are entering the Gulf of Mexico. If it becomes a tropical storm again, it will receive the name Cristobal. Would this be the first transgender storm on record?

 

[Keith_McClary]

Pacific Tropical Storm Amanda has now crossed Central America, and its remnants are entering the Gulf of Mexico. If it becomes a tropical storm again, it will receive the name Cristobal. Would this be the first transgender storm on record?

Nope.

 

[Bystander]

"Organized anarchists."

 

[WWGD]

"Organized anarchists."

SAA: Society Against Abbreviations.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Klystron]

"Organized anarchists."

SAA: Society Against Abbreviations.

Inclusive nihilists.

 

[WWGD]

Inclusive nihilists.

International Association of Hermits.

 

[Klystron]

International Association of Hermits.

Crowd control of agoraphobes.

 

[Ibix]

Military Intelligence.

 

[jack action]

A piece of inner tube = A Ferrari V12
(play with sound on)

​

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

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