Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ibix]

It was soooo cold outside...

that hitchhikers held up photos of their thumbs.

...and brass monkeys were searching for welding equipment?

 

[jtbell]

Why shouldn't you get into a fight with Neil deGrasse Tyson?

Because he kicked Pluto out of the solar system.

[full credit/blame goes to the writers for The Big Bang Theory. ]

https://popculture.com/tv-shows/201...neil-degrasse-tyson-welcomes-season-premiere/

 

[YoungPhysicist]

Why does the gecko fell from the ceiling?

Because it is clapping it’s hands when it heard a lame joke.

 

[DrGreg]

Do the people who maintain Big Ben work all round the clock?

Image credit: Phooto at English Wikipedia, CC BY-SA 3.0

 

[davenn]

View attachment 231170
Do the people who maintain Big Ben work all round the clock?
Image credit: Phooto at English Wikipedia, CC BY-SA 3.0

hahaha

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Do the people who maintain Big Ben work all round the clock?

It's wound electrically these days, but it used to be a three-man job (two turning the crank, one getting a break) for about six hours once a fortnight. So, seriously, you're not far off...

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Schoolboy error. The correct solution is to put the Scotch to one side, get on the bike, fall off, pick up the Scotch and cycle home. Unless you've been drinking, how likely is it that you'll fall off your bike twice in one day?

 

[YoungPhysicist]

Joke:

 

[Ibix]

How do owls greet each other when they meet?

Owl do you do.

 

[DrGreg]

How do owls greet each other when they meet?

Owl do you do.

That's a hoot!

By the way, what was the owl's PIN number?

2820

 

[YoungPhysicist]

A zoo keeper said to a koala:
“You know you’re not an actual bear,right?”
Koala:
“But I’ve passed all the koalafications!”

 

[mjc123]

A man goes into a café in Liverpool run by a koala. He asks "Do you use locally-sourced ingredients?"
"Yes" says the koala. "Our water is taken straight from the River Mersey."
The man asks for a cup of tea, but pulls a face when he tastes it.
"There are koala hairs in my tea" he complains.
"Oh, don't you know?" says the koala. "The koala tea of Mersey is not strained."

 

[Ibix]

"Oh, don't you know?" says the koala. "The koala tea of Mersey is not strained."

Ouch...

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard?

Ironman is actually Fe male!

 

[Bystander]

"The koala tea of Mersey is not strained."

Had to "sound" that one out in my mind.

 

[davenn]

 

[CWatters]

Race horse owner is very unhappy with how slow his horse had gone in the race. He turns to his jockey and says "Couldn't you have run any faster?". "Sure", the jockey replies, "but the rules say I have to stay on the horse".

 

[OCR]

Oh, my... .

...PIN number?

After owl things considered, the diagnosis seemingly indicates... RAS syndrome . .

.

 

[YoungPhysicist]

Rabbit is the luckiest animal because it has four rabbit foots

 

[WWGD]

This guy enters an all you can eat hot dogs contest.
His friend sees him , 5 minutes before the contest, eating hot dog after hot dog.
Friend asks: are you crazy, why are you eating so close to the contest?
"I am practicing"

 

[CWatters]

What's green and smells like purple paint?

Spoiler

Green paint

 

[Ibix]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

 

[jtbell]

Why would a cow say "Boooo!"?

Two possibilities:
1. It's Halloween.
2. It has a cold.

 

[fresh_42]

A dark matter particle walks in a bar and asks for the dark room.
"Sorry, we don't have a WIMP lounge."

 

[Ibix]

A dark matter particles walks in a bar

Did it wave?

 

[fresh_42]

Did it wave?

Don't know, but it came alone. It didn't clump.

 

[mfb]

Its interactions with the other guests were weak as well.