Collection of Lame Jokes

[Bandersnatch]

The crotchety regular by the bar insisted the wimp was just Newton with a moustache.

 

[Charles Link]

A dark matter particle walks in a bar and asks for the dark room.
"Sorry, we don't have a WIMP lounge."

@fresh_42 I had to google that one because I'm not a particle physicist=wimp="weakly interacting massive particle".

 

[Ibix]

@fresh_42 I had to google that one because I'm not a particle physicist=wimp="weakly interacting massive particle".

See also MACHO (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massive_compact_halo_object).

Both actual physics (historically, anyway) AND a lame joke...

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Do you know any good jokes about vacuums?

No - they all suck.

 

[I-Love-Maths2]

What is a Hebrew?
A male coffee

 

[fresh_42]

What is a Hebrew?
A male coffee

So Stout is a Shebrew?

 

[256bits]

One ailing eukaryotic cell to another, " I feel so bad, everything hurts from my head to my toes. Even my flagella is aching."
The other cell, reflecting that his friend often hyperboles, " Oh your just being cilia."

 

[AlexCaledin]

<- US Navy Seals spying in the Russian Arctic? (in the walrus disguise)

 

[WWGD]

Do you know any good jokes about vacuums?

No - they all suck.

This reminds me of the joke that the only way Microsoft could come up with a product that doesn't suck was if they manufactured vacuums.

 

[WWGD]

I go to this Hungarian restaurant and I always annoy the waiters: "I just came from Budapest" . Hungary (Hungry)? Yes, let me have the special.

 

[Ibix]

I go to this Hungarian restaurant and I always annoy the waiters: "I just came from Budapest" . Hungary (Hungry)? Yes, let me have the special.

"Where's your wife from?"
"Alaska"
"Don't worry - I'll ask 'er myself"

 

[Ibix]

I go to this Hungarian restaurant and I always annoy the waiters: "I just came from Budapest" . Hungary (Hungry)? Yes, let me have the special.

...and at the end of the meal you ask for the Czech?

 

[jtbell]

"By the way, I ran into Shelly yesterday."

"Didn't she use to sell sea shells by the sea shell shore?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't do that any more. Now she sells sea shells from her she shed, she said."

 

[fresh_42]

"Since when do you eat beans?"

"I store wind energy!"

 

[Bystander]

"I store wind energy!"

Long as you're JUST storing it, we don't want/need releases.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

OMG

 

[Bystander]

Could be a dirty parking lot, could be a store policy, could be any number of external factors --- local ordinance, even.

 

[davenn]

Could be a dirty parking lot, could be a store policy, could be any number of external factors --- local ordinance, even.

true, but highly unlikely LOL

 

[fresh_42]

true, but highly unlikely LOL

This could have happened to me, too. Enter a store to buy something, didn't find it, but bought something else instead. And it's still better than a) leave the cart anywhere or b) handle both separately.

 

[Borg]

At least he isn't using the hand cart to move the shopping cart.

 

[davenn]

At least he isn't using the hand cart to move the shopping cart.

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a small one-eyed donkey with one leg shorter than the others?

A dinky winky wonky donkey.

 

[Mark44]

At least he isn't using the hand cart to move the shopping cart.

Or even worse, if he had gone to the store to buy a shopping cart, and put his purchase into one of the store's carts.

 

[DrClaude]

This could have happened to me, too. Enter a store to buy something, didn't find it, but bought something else instead. And it's still better than a) leave the cart anywhere or b) handle both separately.

Yes. If you look carefully, you will see that there is something in the guy's cart where a child can sit.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 232290

Matte finish invisible tape, no less. You might catch a specular reflection off the glossy stuff.