Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

 

[Hiero]

My joke was too lame even for the lame thread

I asked the nucleus, “what happened to the cat?”

It said, “IDK”

Spoiler

”IDK” = “I decay”

 

[jtbell]

After a recent merger, the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe advertises that they can now handle everything including the Kitchens, Sink.

 

[jim mcnamara]

Today, I learned that the sheep who give us steel wool have no natural enemies.
--- per:
the cartoonist Gary Larson, a great source of Biological insight.

 

[DrClaude]

Today, I learned that the sheep who give us steel wool have no natural enemies.
--- per:
the cartoonist Gary Larson, a great source of Biological insight.

What about the water buffalo?

 

[jack action]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Not sure if I have posted this one before.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Did we have this yet?

https://malicious.fashionstore.jp/

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

...

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $500".
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $2,000, please use the ATM.”
...
... they spent a lifetime learning the skills.

Not all the Math skills though! ... The problem is solvable with even just $2,000 withdrawal and $1,500 deposit back ...
[besides of course the "scaring the bank" point she probably wanted to make ...]

 

[davenn]

Not all the Math skills though! ... The problem is solvable with even just $2,000 withdrawal and $1,500 deposit back ...

nothing wrong with the math
but $2k doesn't make the teller work much harder counting out all that cash ... twice over
So you have to give her lots of credit.
The teller was making life awkward for her, she made it much worse for them

 

[Stavros Kiri]

nothing wrong with the math
but $2k doesn't make the teller work much harder counting out all that cash ... twice over
So you have to give her lots of credit.
The teller was making life awkward for her, she made it much worse for them

Too bad she couldn't take the $5million then! ...
[and of course banks get scared for other obvious reason with large WD amounts ...]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

Toughest job I ever had was working in the Dracula toy factory.
Only two of us on the entire production line...

I had to make every second count...

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 270380

Soong's lab - a Data base?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 270380

There's also a "Data Delete" episode ...

 

[jack action]

The premise is funny, the comeback even funnier:

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jtbell]

A student went to his meditation teacher and said, "My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling asleep. It's just horrible!"

"It will pass," the teacher said matter-of-factly.

A week later, the student came back to his teacher. "My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!'

"It will pass," the teacher replied matter-of-factly.

 

[davenn]

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 270506

Unfortunately, this is not accurate. Florida is considered a very habitable zone; there is a high number of Snowbirds there.

 

[davenn]

Unfortunately, this is not accurate. Florida is considered a very habitable zone; there is a high number of Snowbirds there.

Snowbirds and their opposites sunbirds, are terms I had never heard before,\

Thankyou

 

[DrClaude]

Snowbirds and their opposites sunbirds, are terms I had never heard before,\

Thankyou

I would post a couple of funny clips, but unfortunately they are in French.

 

[jack action]

View attachment 270506

Unfortunately, this is not accurate. Florida is considered a very habitable zone; there is a high number of Snowbirds there.

I don't see the funny on this map.

@DrClaude is right though, a slight inaccuracy on the map. The death zone is actually in the Alabama / Mississippi / Louisiana / Northwest Florida area. CRAZY HUMIDITY! The ocean actually cools the east coast enough to make it bearable and the west coast is cooled a lot by the Pacific ocean, so it's a great place to be.

As for the snowbirds, watch the first few minutes of this documentary and you will have to watch it till the end! They are so cute and funny! See them learning to speak english at the 13th-14th minute! These people are from my parent's generation and you will fall in love with them!

​

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

First day as a pilot:

CONTROL TOWER: Can you give us your position?

ME: I'm beside the cloud who looks like a lion.

CONTROL TOWER: Can you be more precise?

ME: Simba.

 

[DrGreg]

First day as a pilot:

CONTROL TOWER: Can you give us your position?

ME: I'm beside the cloud who looks like a lion.

CONTROL TOWER: Can you be more precise?

ME: Simba.

For a moment, I thought the joke was going to be...

CONTROL TOWER: Can you give us your position?

ME: I'm in the cockpit.

 

[fresh_42]

First practice day in helicopter school.

Teacher: Now please lift slowly and stay within the borders of this taxi drive.
...
Teacher: Ok, try to stay above the airport.
...
Teacher: Please, don't leave the country.

 

[davenn]

 

[jack action]

 

[mfb]

The dog was much happier before her

Not the same person, not the same dog.

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

Too cute

 

[Fervent Freyja]

This.

 

[256bits]

I don't see the funny on this map.

@DrClaude is right though, a slight inaccuracy on the map. The death zone is actually in the Alabama / Mississippi / Louisiana / Northwest Florida area. CRAZY HUMIDITY! The ocean actually cools the east coast enough to make it bearable and the west coast is cooled a lot by the Pacific ocean, so it's a great place to be.

As for the snowbirds, watch the first few minutes of this documentary and you will have to watch it till the end! They are so cute and funny! See them learning to speak english at the 13th-14th minute! These people are from my parent's generation and you will fall in love with them!

​

Yet, still not Hot enough for them - some snowbirds do seem to be wearing skin tight sticky brown leather.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

A bit of difference between maintain and contain...

 

[Vanadium 50]

"The policeman is not there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder". Mayor Richard J. Daley, 1968.

 

[Ibix]

I lived in Brunei for six months thirty-odd years ago. All restaurants had a standard official sign in Malay and English. I can't speak for the Malay, but the English text said "Muslims are restricted to drinking alcohol in this restaurant".

 

[BillTre]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[davenn]

 

[Mikestone]

Q - What's the quickest way to make your kids smart?

A - Spank them.

 

[jack action]