Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

"Since you're on this diet, you kiss much better!"
"Kissing? I'm searching for leftovers!"

 

[WWGD]

"Since you're on this diet, you kiss much better!"
"Kissing? I'm searching for leftovers!"

French "kiss" diet. And cleans her teeth too!

 

[jack action]

Vous etes Rive Gauche ou Rive Droit? Mais pas de politicques ici, nous somme tous de centre ;).Hope my high school French is not too stale.

So I won't be able to show off the 10 words I remember from high school French :).

J'ai compris.

Although, it's not the appropriate use of 'rive' which means the 'shore' bordering a lake, sea or river.

But as @DrClaude said, that is not funny. So here goes the jokes about french, rivers and shores:

A chap jumped in the river in Paris. Local police say he’s in Seine.

Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.

 

[fresh_42]

If I were to receive 50 cents for every failed math exam, I would already have $ 5.70.

 

[jtbell]

A student in a Reptile Biology class was given an assignment: take an alligator home for the weekend, observe it, and give a report on its activities.

On Monday he told the professor:

"My homework ate my dog."

 

[Klystron]

Él Budán vagy Pesten?

A writer based in Montreal once wrote for an European character:
"With a Hungarian for a friend; You don't need enemies.".

 

[Mark44]

A guy walks into a florist's shop, and says "I'd like to buy some anemones for my wife."
The florist, remembering that he was fresh out of anemones, replies, "Anemones are a good choice, but take a look at these ferns I have."
Customer: "My wife really likes anemones, so that's what I'd like to buy."
Florist: "With fronds like these, you don't need anemones."

 

[jtbell]

A guy walks into a florist's shop,

Was this guy's name Marlin, by any chance?

 

[DaveC426913]

Was this guy's name Marlin, by any chance?

TIL the words 'tritagonist' ... and 'deuteragonist'.

 

[Klystron]

A guy walks into a florist's shop, and says "I'd like to buy some anemones for my wife."
The florist, remembering that he was fresh out of anemones, replies, "Anemones are a good choice, but take a look at these ferns I have."
Customer: "My wife really likes anemones, so that's what I'd like to buy."
Florist: "With fronds like these, you don't need anemones."

Later the florist discovers his salt water aquarium specimens have perished from exposure to the flora.
"Woe", exclaimed the florist, "the enemy of my anemones is my frond!".

 

[fresh_42]

https://www.facebook.com/groups/168087626955950/permalink/613643285733713/

 

[davenn]

haha

 

[Stavros Kiri]

haha

View attachment 236243

Hahahaha... ... Can't help it, still laughing!

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Hahahaha... ... Can't help it, still laughing!

And still laughing, every time I see it! ...
That's true life, true reality!

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Why should't we do things earlier?

Spoiler

Because earlier we do other things! ...

 

[Ibix]

Two men are sitting round a campfire deep in the woods. One is startled by a resonant cry of "A haaaandbaaag?" from among the trees, but his companion reassures him that it's just the call of the Wilde.

 

[scottdave]

I don't think this joke is lame, but it's a little nerdy.

What is the antiderivative of Amazon Prime?

First person answers: Amazon.

Another person answers Amazon +C

Somebody posted on the Slack for my MicroMasters course. Sorry I can't get the imgur image link to work right now. https://i.imgur.com/9wCaTnK.jpg
It turns out that imgur only shows the BBcode img tag info from the desktop site, not the app

 

[mfb]

You can't include galleries (websites) with the img tag. You can link them or you can include the image itself (https://i.imgur.com/9wCaTnK.jpg)

 

[zuz]

A priest, a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says" What is this, some kind of joke?"

 

[zuz]

A man finds a genie in a bottle and is granted three wishes. "For my first wish I want a bottle of beer." he says and a bottle immediately appears in his hand. "What do you want for your second and third wishes?" the genie asks. "Just a moment. I want to finish my beer and think about it." says the man. "You can't finish that beer." says the genie "It's a never ending beer. Every time you empty it, it will fill back up again." Astonished, the man tests the genie and guzzles the bottle. It fills back up. He guzzles it again and it refills again. "This is great!" he exclaims. "So, what about those other two wishes?" says the genie. The man points to the bottle and says "Give me two more of these."

 

[jtbell]

What do you call it when you Instagram a picture of something you're about to buy at the store?

A shelfie.

 

[Ophiolite]

When it comes to posting a lame joke I've been dragging my foot.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

I do not understand this Brexit dilemma. All the trouble, effort and sweat, just to gain 1 GB?

 

[256bits]

Good One.
God Save the Queen!

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

Why did the pianist sit down at his instrument wearing boxing gloves?

He had an old score to settle.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I do not understand this Brexit dilemma. All the trouble, effort and sweat, just to gain 1 GB?

Better 1 than 28 ! ...