Collection of Lame Jokes

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[davenn]

My wife said she'd like some peace and quiet while she cooks dinner tonight...
so I've taken the batteries out of the smoke alarm...

 

[BillTre]

 

[Keith_McClary]

@BillTre
Doonesbury is still going, eg.: Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for July 05, 2020
That one is new, but most seem to be reruns (I find it hard to tell which).

 

[BillTre]

@Keith_McClary I think there is a new Doonesbury on Sundays (facebook and websites), but the rest are reruns.
Bloom County is also available on facebook and websites, at what seem like irregular intervals
Calvin and Hobbs is no longer made, but other cartoonists lampoon it frequenty in their own strips.

 

[256bits]

Snort!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Watching Fauci trying to find the right language is painful.

~ What we don't want to see is a surge on top of a surge within a surge while wrapping a surge around a surge...

He should just say "STAY AT HOME!"

He is noticeably frustrated. He has all but begged people to stay home.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Chair of Geometry

 

[mfb]

It's nice to sit on that chair, but at some points you have to draw the line.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Mom, you are NOT going to put this on the INTERNET!

 

[etotheipi]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[Ibix]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

@etotheipi

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[jtbell]

Mom: "I think we should buy an encyclopedia for Junior."
Dad: "Why can't he just walk to school like I did?"

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

Kid was asked to bring in a stool sample for his visit w/ the school nurse:

 

[jtbell]

The Three Musketeers go out to dinner. The waitress asks, "Do you want the check all for one, or one for all?"

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 273517

Reminds me of an ancient Ernie Kovacs sketch with a guy shooting into a frozen-fish freezer: "Holey mackerel!"

(or maybe it was a fish tank... it was a looong time ago.)

 

[jedishrfu]

Since someone mentioned Ernie Kovacs:

 

[sysprog]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

Now I got what a LAN party is! It's the equivalent to a measles party.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Always wear gloves while using your computer. The Corona virus transmits so easily that you can email it to someone.

 

[etotheipi]

Oh god not again

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[wrobel]

 

[Mark44]

I'd really like to thank you all who set me straight on the meaning of plethora.
It means a lot to me.

 

[Mark44]

A pirate in Comic Sans walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Sorry, we don't serve your type in here."

 

[Mark44]

A synonym strolls into a local tavern ...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[BillTre]

I once saw on a large air vent in a physics building, a little official looking label (matching campus P. plant style) saying:
"Warped Space Entrance, Authorized Personnel Only".

It went away in a few weeks.