Collection of Lame Jokes

[256bits]

OK. That took me 3 minutes to get. Good one. Blends in with the one from Borg.
I knew theer had to be better ones than:

Chekov goes skiing downhill while playing the violin.
Kirk, McCoy, Spock are in amazement
Spock finally speaks.
Chekov ski?

 

[WWGD]

This one actually happened to me recently.

Waiter: Yes sir, what's your question?
Me: Are the mushrooms fresh?
Waiter(serious, as far as I can tell): Yes sir, we just opened the can.

 

[WWGD]

In another time...

View attachment 237800

They still have this classic available:

https://www.lowes.com/pd/Design-Toscano-Gothic-Tombstone-I-Told-You-I-Was-Sick-Gravestone-Sign/1000051479

 

[Klystron]

This one actually happened to me recently.

Waiter: Yes sir, what's your question?
Me: Are the mushrooms fresh?
Waiter(serious, as far as I can tell): Yes sir, we just opened the can.

Basil Fawlty (John Cleese), owner of Fawlty Towers hotel In Torquay, delivers this news to an irate American expecting fresh-squeezed orange juice in their "screwdrivers". Hilarious tantrums ensue.

 

[WWGD]

Basil Fawlty (John Cleese), owner of Fawlty Towers hotel In Torquay, delivers this news to an irate American expecting fresh-squeezed orange juice in their "screwdrivers". Hilarious tantrums ensue.

I am living a (slightly distorted) episode of Monty Python!??

 

[davenn]

I am living a (slightly distorted) episode of Monty Python!??

naa, Fawlty Towers was another British comedy set as described by klystron

there weren't too many episodes in the series, but were quite funny

 

[Borg]

Basil Fawlty (John Cleese), owner of Fawlty Towers hotel

I always wondered where that reference came from.

 

[fresh_42]

Hey, guys, I'm glad you didn't mention the war.

 

[Ibix]

Hey, guys, I'm glad you didn't mention the war.

I did once, but I think I got away with it.

 

[jtbell]

A guy in an expensive business suit, eating a bag of chips, passes a pigeon on the street.

Pigeon: Nice suit.
Guy (surprised): Thank you.
Pigeon: Be a shame if something happened to it... leave those chips here.

 

[davenn]

 

[Klystron]

What do you get when you teach a bird of prey to talk?

A yaptor.

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a Himalayan beast of burden that can't sleep?

An insomniyak.

 

[Ibix]

Why do yaks go crazy in large numbers?

They're many-yaks

 

[fresh_42]

Why is the Dead Sea dead?

It had a severe depression!

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a yak that can't stop talking?

A yakety yak.

HEY! I LOVE Tibet! And those Himalayas! Wow! You just got to BE there, you know what I'm sayin'? UNbelievable! Sunrise! Sunrise in the Himalayas! That's something, I got to tell ya! And sunSET! Stand BACK! INCREDIBLE! Sunset may be even better than sunrise! Sunrise! Sunset! Middle of the day! ANY time's a great time in the Himmies! I call 'em the Himmies...

 

[Klystron]

What do we call the Shakespearean beast of burden?

A yaktor.

 

[Ibix]

What's a Himalayan beast of burden's favourite tune?

Yakety Sax.

Imagine the Benny Hill Show with yaks...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Borg]

For everyone freezing in the U.S. right now.

 

[davenn]

 

[DrClaude]

For everyone freezing in the U.S. right now.

Units !

 

[fresh_42]

Units !

$°De$

 

[zuz]

Three horses are talking. First horse; "I won my last 5 races." Second horse; "So what. I won my last 10 races." Third horse; "Big deal. I won my last 20 races." There's a dog sitting in the corner listening. He chimes in "Well I've never lost a race in my life. Over 100 races." The horses all look at each other in stunned disbelief. Finally one turns to the others and says"Holy cow. A talking dog!"

 

[jtbell]

Janet's mom had four kids. She named the first one April, the second one May, and the third one June. What did she name the fourth one?

 

[zuz]

Janet

 

[Mark44]

When I was a young man, I worked in a circus as a human cannonball. After a month or so, the boss let me go, saying, "We're looking for someone of higher caliber."

 

[DrGreg]

...the boss let me go...

So you were fired?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

When I was a young man, I worked in a circus as a human cannonball. After a month or so, the boss let me go, saying, "We're looking for someone of higher caliber."

Been said before

 

[DaveC426913]

Been said before

Tough room.