Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

Once upon a time, political jokes in the Soviet Union often took the form of questions to the fictitious help-line of Radio Yerevan:

Q: How can baldness be cured?
A: Unfortunately we don't answer political questions!

I loved those Radio Yerevan jokes!

Q: Is it possible to be a good communist and a good catholic?
A: Principally yes, but why do you want to burden your life twice?

 

[Klystron]

I loved those Radio Yerevan jokes!

Q: Is it possible to be a good communist and a good catholic?
A: Principally yes, but why do you want to burden your life twice?

Radio Yerevan reminds me of 1960's Radio Free Europe / Radio Liberty broadcasts into the USSR. Every time they would play Perry Como's White Christmas, we would think, 'Great programming, cousins! Now the USSR will last another thirty years just for spite".

 

[Klystron]

Which leader of the USSR was the best cook?
Nikita Kru-Chef

and what was his babushka's name?
Grandma Kerchief

Explication: Back in USSR-times Eastern European* women above a certain age were always pictured wearing shawls and large head scarfs (babushki). Babushka became slang for elderly woman; hence, grandmother. Kerchief is another term for scarf. Kerchief sounds like Krushchev.

*Note how the Cold War modified geography: Central Europe suddenly became Eastern Europe. This placed Moscow somewhere in "east Asia"; a political move satirized in novels such as Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four.

 

[DrGreg]

White Christmas

That reminds me of the cast list for the film

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Muss
Jess Likedy
Juan Swee
Hugh Sterno

Wendy Treetops-Glissen
Ann Chilled-Wren
Liz Anne
“Two Ears” Laybelle
Cindy Snow

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Musswit
Avery Criss
Miss Carr
Dai Wright

Mayor Dazeby
Mary-Ann Bright
Anna-May Hall-York-Rhys
Mrs B White​

Credit: Graeme Garden, Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke-Taylor in The Making of The Goodies Disaster Movie​

 

[davenn]

That reminds me of the cast list for the film

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Muss
Jess Likedy
Juan Swee
Hugh Sterno .....
​

very good

 

[davenn]

For 2018

 

[Klystron]

For 2018

View attachment 238564

Your joke is funny on so many levels:

• the "birthday cake" requires assembly.
• only uses the egg whites, presumably.
• it is mostly white lard (ugh!).
• the salt is in a tiny (overpriced?) shaker.
• and the glass of milk is half empty/full.

Good one

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[256bits]

Your joke is funny on so many levels:

• the "birthday cake" requires assembly.
• only uses the egg whites, presumably.
• it is mostly white lard (ugh!).
• the salt is in a tiny (overpriced?) shaker.
• and the glass of milk is half empty/full.

Good one

And no power tools required - a hand whisk.
Double funny!

 

[256bits]

View attachment 238615

If you forget the access code, that configuration will come in handy.
Reminds me of the time I had to circumvent a wire fence and barbed wire topping to get the gate keys, that I had left in the vehicle inside the enclosure, so I could gain access the vehicle to get the keys to open the gate ( Usually the reverse - open the gate, then enter and get vehicle ). Much too easily done -- and nothing illegal by the way. We put our vehicles in there so no one could steel stuff.

 

[jbriggs444]

We put our vehicles in there so no one could steel stuff.

You put all of the Bessemer gear in the glove box? Sure hope you left the windows rolled down -- it could get mighty hot in there.

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a man standing by the sea with a gull on his head?

Cliff.

 

[davenn]

I WRITE ALL MY PUNS IN CAPITALS. THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

 

[davenn]

I made a resolution to buy velcro this year and I'm sticking to it

 

[Ibix]

How do you stop a rhinoceros from charging?

Steal its adaptor.

 

[256bits]

How do you stop a rhinoceros from charging?

Steal its adaptor.

I had heard it was "Take away his VISA card", but now with smart phones I don't know any more.

 

[jtbell]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

View attachment 238756

There is a TV show ("Storage Wars") that shows things in storage units being put up for auction, and then it also shows what the buyers found in the unit (sometimes, they find weird and interesting stuff).

In my city, we haven't got storage units (though it wouldn't have been bad if there were some). As a result, we have a question that goes unanswered. Let me ask it here, since you have put up the topic: Why are storage units auctioned? Is it done by the owner (the person who keeps the goods in the unit), or by the company which maintains the storage unit?

 

[jack action]

Why are storage units auctioned? Is it done by the owner (the person who keeps the goods in the unit), or by the company which maintains the storage unit?

When the owner of the goods doesn't pay the rent, the company can pay itself by selling the goods (after some legal procedures, that is).

 

[Ibix]

When the owner of the goods doesn't pay the rent, the company can pay itself by selling the goods (after some legal procedures, that is).

Corollary: the rent is a little more than the difference between the value of stuff left by people who just can't pay less the cost of garbage disposal.

That makes me sad, somehow.

Edit: I am not completely sober right now. Emotional response may be affected...

 

[davenn]

Why are storage units auctioned? Is it done by the owner (the person who keeps the goods in the unit), or by the company which maintains the storage unit?

When the owner of the goods doesn't pay the rent, the company can pay itself by selling the goods (after some legal procedures, that is).

yup, or the owner of the stored stuff dies, leaves the country, or otherwise can no longer be contacted by the storage site ownerD

 

[Wrichik Basu]

yup, or the owner of the stored stuff dies, leaves the country, or otherwise can no longer be contacted by the storage site owner

Your post reminds me of something. In the aforementioned TV show, among the buyers who have allowed to take videos of their whereabouts, there is one person named Dave Hester, and he uses "Yuuuup!" quite a lot. In fact, that is printed on his shirt, cap, car and the truck he brings with him.

 

[Klystron]

Hast thou heard the word? A munificent Emir received dispensation to proffer pre-rolled home-grown and has enlisted the spirits of Sinatra's Rat Pack to market the joints. Their marketing jingle:

"Do buy Dubai do-bee-do-bee doobies! Bye-Bye, Dubai Dudes!"

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Drones usually only have four arms. The extra is probably weighing it down. Try sawing it off?

 

[davenn]

Drones usually only have four arms. The extra is probably weighing it down. Try sawing it off?

hahaha

actually there are number of 6 prop ones available

eg ...

 

[davenn]

This is the real one I own ...
Parrot bebop2 FPV

 

[Stavros Kiri]

hahaha

actually there are number of 6 prop ones available

eg ...

View attachment 238878

View attachment 238879

This is the real one I own ...
Parrot bebop2 FPV
View attachment 238880

Now you know why the other one doesn't fly! ...

 

[Ibix]

actually there are number of 6 prop ones available

In that case, glue another arm on...