Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

And another...

He said "Όλα τα ελληνικά" and she said "That's all Greek to me".

 

[256bits]

apologies I have another one.
One more.
" Kamikaze" he said to her.
And she replied, "That's just plane stupid."

 

[Klystron]

As the weather worsened at gravesite, temperatures plummeted, dark clouds hid the face of the sun; the last man approached the grieving widow and uttered one word:

"Snow".

"That covers everything", she murmured.

 

[Keith_McClary]

And another one said "Loan shark."

She said: "I may be responsible for his debts, but I'm not responsible for paying them."

 

[davenn]

I long for the kind of synonym rolls grammar used to make.

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

I long for the kind of synonym rolls grammar used to make.

Yeah - they were really good. She always brought them if you metaphor a coffee.

 

[jtbell]

 

[jtbell]

I long for the kind of synonym rolls grammar used to make.

Did you hear about the kid in Florida who was asked what his favorite Florida fooball team was?

He responded, "Oh, I like them all... the [Miami] Dolphins, the [U of Miami] Hurricanes, the [U of Florida] Gators, the [Florida State U] Cinnamon Rolls..."

 

[Ibix]

I bought a terrible thesaurus the other day. Not only is it terrible, it's also terrible.

 

[DrGreg]

I bought a terrible thesaurus the other day. Not only is it terrible, it's also terrible.

Apologies for repeating a joke I've told before on this website:

Someone stole my thesaurus. I'm lost for words!

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Ibix]

A prickly character, one presumes.

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

Sign on an auto repair shop:
We fixed Abe's Lincoln, Henry's Ford, and Freddie's Mercury. We can help Yugo, too.

 

[davenn]

Have you read the book, "Life Insurance for Dummies", by Justin Case ?

 

[256bits]

I met a sweet girl the other day, Candice.
I thought ,|"Can this be love!"

 

[gmax137]

Have you read the book, "Life Insurance for Dummies", by Justin Case ?

How about "Yellow River," by I. P. Freely?

 

[Klystron]

How about "Yellow River," by I. P. Freely?

I.P. wrote a sequel to "Yellow River", a travel log: "Riding Old Yellow Stain".

 

[Halc]

I.P. wrote a sequel to "Yellow River", a travel log: "Riding Old Yellow Stain".

You'd think a travel log would be about Riding Old Brown ...

On similar lines: What did Spock find in the Enterprise head?

Spoiler

The captain's log

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

I've been humming the chorus to "I'm a believer" all day. My wife eventually yelled at me to knock it off. That's pretty uncharacteristic of her, so I thought she was kidding. Then I saw her face...

 

[Ibix]

I decided to get into bee keeping, so I went to a guy I know and asked to buy a dozen bees. He counted them out of the hive one by one, but he gave me thirteen. "I only asked for a dozen," I said. "Yes sir," he replied. "The last one's a freebie".

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 275875​

We have that since 2003:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Männergarten

 

[fresh_42]

I'm not sure whether this joke is yet acceptable or already too mean, but as we are in the subject ...

"My wife ran away with my best friend Bob yesterday!"
"Since when is Bob your best friend?"
"Since yesterday."

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 275609

I remember. From " I don't believe in private property" to " Don't touch my car!"

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

I remember. From " I don't believe in private property" to " Don't touch my car!"

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Edit: Apparently the quote is from Proudhon, and Marx initially agreed but later criticised the sentiment as self-refuting. But "Marxists" is snappier than "devotees of Proudhon".

 

[WWGD]

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Edit: Apparently the quote is from Proudhon, and Marx initially agreed but later criticised the sentiment as self-refuting. But "Marxists" is snappier than "devotees of Proudhon".

Monty Proudhon? ( I'll see myself out).

 

[fresh_42]

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Edit: Apparently the quote is from Proudhon, and Marx initially agreed but later criticised the sentiment as self-refuting. But "Marxists" is snappier than "devotees of Proudhon".

Well, if you look at the circumstances it is harvested and by whom ..., well, I think it is.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Have you read the book, "Life Insurance for Dummies", by Justin Case ?

"For Dummies" and "Justin Case" are trademarks.

 

[WWGD]

Well, if you look at the circumstances it is harvested and by whom ..., well, I think it is.

I remember someone who pronounced 'Hume' as ' whom'. Confusing lectures. In addition to ' So crates' instead of Socrates.

 

[phinds]

 

[strangerep]

How about "Yellow River," by I. P. Freely?

Alas, he abandoned me some decades past.

 

[DrGreg]

I remember someone who pronounced 'Hume' as ' whom'. Confusing lectures. In addition to ' So crates' instead of Socrates.

As long as you don't pronounce Sosogenes as "sausage knees". Or "so-so jeans".

 

[DaveC426913]

Paramedic: "Buddy, you're lucky to be alive. Your car's a write-off."
Suit, lying in his own blood: "Oh god no. My BMW..."
Paramedic: "Easy buddy. That's the least of your problems. Your arm's off."
Suit, lying in his own blood: "Oh god no. My Rolex..."

 

[256bits]

On similar lines: What did Spock find in the Enterprise head?

Spoiler

The captain's log

Is that what the future will being, every minute detail of daily life has to be entered and recorded.
Captain: Captain's log, stardate 41153.7

 

[DrGreg]

Is that what the future will being, every minute detail of daily life has to be entered and recorded.

Yes, on the planet Bethselamin

 

[jim mcnamara]

All on her own, my hen has learned to count. Someday she'll be a good mathemachicken.

 

[Borg]

Does she use a cluckulater?

 

[fresh_42]

Does she use a cluckulater?

That was my suspicion, too. And I guess the device can be found on the other side of the road.

 

[256bits]

Would be great if she made the Dean's rooster.
Egg her on!

 

[wrobel]

TEXT: do you think I will forgive you for this?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Borg]

Looks like gravitational attraction. I hope the plane didn't get flung out of orbit.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

After considerable thought,
I've decided that my New Year's resolution will be:
1080P

 

[wrobel]

View attachment 276072

that's sad little bit