Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ibix]

I bought some shoes second hand from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

 

[WWGD]

What's your name?
Steve.
Is that short for something?
Yes, Steve $+ \epsilon$.

 

[WWGD]

When I go to a fancy place with a wine list I always ask with a straight face if they have my favorite, Cau Manuer( With French accent). Hope they never answer yes, or I am walking out on the spot.

 

[Ibix]

When I go to a fancy place with a wine list I always ask with a straight face if they have my favorite, Cau Manuer( With French accent). Hope they never answer yes, or I am walking out on the spot.

I call BS on that story...

 

[WWGD]

I call BS on that story...

I think you mean CS on it?

 

[Ibix]

I think you mean CS on it?

Gender non-specific bovine excreta.

 

[WWGD]

Gender non-specific bovine excreta.

I'll save that one for the hotdog place. Vendor is a Bio phd dropout.

 

[mfb]

I bought some shoes second hand from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

Q: Why did you buy shoes from a drug dealer?
A: He was the sole supplier.

*cough*

 

[256bits]

I'll save that one for the hotdog place. Vendor is a Bio phd dropout.

Ha Ha.
One hot and steaming fresh a cow patty to go with the wine please.

 

[Ibix]

What kind of dog can do magic?

A labracadabrador.

 

[Borg]

When I go to a fancy place with a wine list I always ask with a straight face if they have my favorite, Cau Manuer( With French accent). Hope they never answer yes, or I am walking out on the spot.

Whenever a doctor asks if I'm allergic to anything, I reply "Just poison".

 

[davenn]

Dr Who - Star Wars crossover

 

[davenn]

My wife threatened to leave me over my obsession with horse racing.

Anyway, she’s at the gate... and she’s off.

 

[Sofa]

 

[BillTre]

Of course, repurposed from the classic routine:

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Don't know how true this is, but I do know there is a Boring, Oregon and its a good story.

 

[WWGD]

My mother has been walking 3 miles a day for 10 years now. We have no idea where she is.

 

[Mark44]

My mother has been walking 3 miles a day for 10 years now. We have no idea where she is.

Sounds like something Steven Wright might have said.

While I'm at it, a couple more quotes from him.

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely is not for you."

 

[BillTre]

I like side jokes, for example (from Groucho):
"Outside a dog, a book is a man's (person's) best friend.
Inside a dog, its too dark to read."

There are lots of jokes based playing with meanings of ____-side words.

 

[WWGD]

I like side jokes, for example (from Groucho):
"Outside a dog, a book is a man's (person's) best friend.
Inside a dog, its too dark to read."

There are lots of jokes based playing with meanings of ____-side words.

Imagine if there was a formula to generate all jokes.

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 251821

The driver should hurry up. There's probably a big rock following!

 

[jack action]

 

[Borg]

View attachment 251823​

There's probably an archaeologist forum where they only have emojis from the top half.

 

[Vanadium 50]

There's probably a big rock following!

Or an anvil.

 

[Mark44]

Or an Acme anvil.

Fixed that for you...
Wile E. Coyote was one of Acme's biggest customers.

 

[Bystander]

Wile E. Coyote was one of Acme's biggest customers.

"Was?" When did ACME go out of business? The alternative (far as past tense) is too much to contemplate.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Good spot - there are 22 rows of 47 plus the final row, which should be length 46 (since 23×47=1081) but clearly isn't.

There's always a few dead p's.

 

[jack action]

 

[davenn]

Love this one ...

 

[Vanadium 50]

Wile E. Coyote was one of Acme's biggest customers.

And one of their flattest.

 

[WWGD]

I changed my diet and now I am regular, I clear my stool daily at 7 a.m. Unfortunately, I wake up at 8 a.m.

 

[WWGD]

Just realized that was like my 3rd stool joke. I should call my therapist but he seems to be avoiding me, same for many I know. Hmm...

 

[AndromedaRXJ]

Bruce Lee: "Boards don't hit back!"

Isaac Newton: "Am I a joke to you?"