Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

Ouch!:

 

[gmax137]

..., still can't get from "bales" to "haze" through any sort of "bent English"...I fired a "shot in the dark." Some sort of colloquialism?

they are bales of "hay" so the "bending" is calling them "hays." And from "hays" to "haze."

EDIT: not that anyone actually calls them "hays." The first time I saw this joke, I didn't get it. The next time, it popped right into my head.

Note, people call them "bales of hay" or just "bales." If you saw a truckload on the road, you'd say, "a truckload of hay."

 

[WWGD]

We then conclude no one found the Effing church.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

We then conclude no one found the Effing church.

And don't go to Mandi's party if you're ugly.

Where I live, masks are still mandatory everywhere for ALL unattractive people.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

Owie!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Owie!

Have you seen the British series Crashing, with Phoebe Waller-Bridge?

Season 1, episode 6. YIKES!

I looooooooved her in Fleabag. But some people don't get past the first scene. Both were written and created by, and starred Phoebe Bridge

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 289009

That is just a frame of reference problem.

 

[Hornbein]

“Why did you become a 747 pilot?”
“To overcome my fear”
“Heights?”
“No."
"What then?"
"Fear of dying alone”

 

[Ibix]

Heard at the Zombie Rights march:

"What do we want?"
"Braaaains!"
"When do we want 'em?"
"Braaaains!"

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

Yeah, I felt really bad for the little kid until I read the caption. Sheesh!

 

[WWGD]

 

[Hornbein]

Heard at the Zombie Rights march:

"What do we want?"
"Braaaains!"
"When do we want 'em?"
"Braaaains!"

 

[WWGD]

 

[Hornbein]

Golfer: You must be the worst caddy in the world.
Caddy: That would be too much of a coincidence.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BWV]

Definitely not lame, one of the most brilliant bits of comedy ever (have to watch the whole clip), RIP

 

[WWGD]

Definitely not lame, one of the most brilliant bits of comedy ever (have to watch the whole clip), RIP

I remember his joke (which I haven't been able to find) on Salman Rushdie. Rushdie had recently come out of hiding from a Fatwa put on him. Norm mentioned:
Salman Rushdie has recently come out of hiding. He has written a new book: "Buddha, you fat Bastard!"

 

[mpresic3]

I can lick my weight in tigers. I weigh about 1/3 of a tiger. Give me the third of the tiger between the teeth and the claws, and I should do alright

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

Why is the men's bathroom always on the left?
Because women are always right.

 

[Borg]

Why is the men's bathroom always on the left?
Because women are always right.

I would say that you got that right but...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I contacted my creditors to inform them that I am now a country and I'm raising my debt limit.

Why is the men's bathroom always on the left?
Because women are always right.

Obviously that false propaganda was perpetuated by a woman. In fact I believe most of the time the men's room is on the right side.

 

[WWGD]

My doctor's Freudian slip.
Yes, you're one of my favorite experim... , er, I mean, patient. Yes, patient.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

My doctor's Freudian slip.
Yes, you're one of my favorite experim... , er, I mean, patient. Yes, patient.

An old friend of mine hadn't been to the doctor in many years. Finally his wife convinced him to get a full workup. He went in for basic tests and went back when they had the results.

The doctor walked in while studying the test results. He looked up and saw my friend. "Mr Johnson?" the doctor inquired. "I'm surprised to see you here! Based on your test results I thought you were dead".

True story.

 

[WWGD]

An old friend of mine hadn't been to the doctor in many years. Finally his wife convinced him to get a full workup. He went in for basic tests and went back when they had the results.

The doctor walked in while studying the test results. He looked up and saw my friend. "Mr Johnson?" the doctor inquired. "I'm surprised to see you here! Based on your test results I thought you were dead".

True story.

I've heard of a similar with logicians: " You can't be here, I proved you don't exist."

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I would not want to share a bathroom with bigfoot.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 289228
I would not want to share a bathroom with bigfoot.

But no problem with ET?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

But no problem with ET?

Nah, ETs eat very bland diets.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

This one hits close to home:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]