Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

I like side jokes, for example (from Groucho):
"Outside a dog, a book is a man's (person's) best friend.
Inside a dog, its too dark to read."

There are lots of jokes based playing with meanings of ____-side words.

Imagine if there was a formula to generate all jokes.

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 251821

The driver should hurry up. There's probably a big rock following!

 

[jack action]

 

[Borg]

View attachment 251823​

There's probably an archaeologist forum where they only have emojis from the top half.

 

[Vanadium 50]

There's probably a big rock following!

Or an anvil.

 

[Mark44]

Or an Acme anvil.

Fixed that for you...
Wile E. Coyote was one of Acme's biggest customers.

 

[Bystander]

Wile E. Coyote was one of Acme's biggest customers.

"Was?" When did ACME go out of business? The alternative (far as past tense) is too much to contemplate.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Good spot - there are 22 rows of 47 plus the final row, which should be length 46 (since 23×47=1081) but clearly isn't.

There's always a few dead p's.

 

[jack action]

 

[davenn]

Love this one ...

 

[Vanadium 50]

Wile E. Coyote was one of Acme's biggest customers.

And one of their flattest.

 

[WWGD]

I changed my diet and now I am regular, I clear my stool daily at 7 a.m. Unfortunately, I wake up at 8 a.m.

 

[WWGD]

Just realized that was like my 3rd stool joke. I should call my therapist but he seems to be avoiding me, same for many I know. Hmm...

 

[AndromedaRXJ]

Bruce Lee: "Boards don't hit back!"

Isaac Newton: "Am I a joke to you?"

 

[Ibix]

I had to wait to see the doctor the other day, and the only thing there was to read was fashion magazines. I can't be bothered. It just goes in one year and out the other.

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 251782

And SpaceZ would be coming right at you. Duck!

 

[DaveC426913]

"Technically, we're all half Centaur."
- Nick Offerman

 

[jack action]

I like to add � and ’ any time I submit online forms because I know that some developer is going to see it and wonder if they have a bug.

 

[anorlunda]

This arrived from Amazon today. How do I open the plastic package?

 

[Borg]

Looks like the instructions are on the top right picture.

 

[jbriggs444]

First you curse the plastic packaging. Then you re-curse.

 

[fresh_42]

This arrived from Amazon today. How do I open the plastic package?

View attachment 252021

No problem, just 10 bucks and you can get that one:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00886O6TE/?tag=pfamazon01-20

 

[DaveC426913]

Thinking of this another way, this is kind of clever "marketing after-the-fact".

If you had any doubts about whether you really needed this tool, those doubts will be dispelled with a vengeance. If they played their cards right, you might even stab yourself in the palm with the blunt kiddie scissors you had to use to get it open.

This arrived from Amazon today. How do I open the plastic package?

View attachment 252021

 

[jeff davis]

Where did napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies

 

[WWGD]

Vietnamese soup. What is it Pho?

 

[fresh_42]

DYK that Albert Einstein was named after Max Planck?

 

[jack action]

 

[davenn]

I invented a new word...

Plagiarism

 

[WWGD]

Oh, your work is so abstract.
Can you explain what you do to your mother?
I don't do _ ANYTHING_ to my mother!