Collection of Lame Jokes

[artis]

To go to the opposite of this garden, I'm reminded of the story of the American visiting London who, long story short, desperately needed a bathroom ("loo") to take a whiz but could not find one and was about to do it up against a wall in an alley when a cop ("bobby") tapped him on the shoulder and said Sir, we don't DO that here in London but if you'll follow me, I'll show you where you CAN go.

Bobby takes the guy around the corner and opens up the gate to this beautiful garden and tells the American that he can go anywhere in there. Guy does so, comes out and thanks the bobby profusely and says that must be what they call the British hospitality. Bobby says, well, no sir, it's actually what we call the French Embassy.

This was really good

 

[Keith_McClary]

although I bet the staff wear heavy gloves and long sleeves when caring for the plants.

That is recommended for some of my garden plants. (The same books say the deer won't eat them. Haha.)

 

[artis]

The place is in the middle of London, which is full of little well-manicured public and private squares with gardens. The scary is deliberate and probably cuts down on the dead bodies found on Saturday mornings.

Thanks @Ibix yes I actually know the garden location , wikipedia has an article about it, is besides poison plants has other gardens with normal plants , a sort of garden of gardens.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Alnwick_Garden

Anyway I was trying to make a LAME joke about it , since this is a thread for that but I guess my joke was so LAME it didn't gather much sympathy even in the LAME section.

Speaking of LAME jokes, does anyone here remember the Britain's Got Talent contestant "Gatis Kandis" ?

When I first saw him I thought he taught himself comedy while serving time as a registered sex offender

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[artis]

I dunno, the horse thing isn't working for me , could the horse be broken?

 

[phinds]

I dunno, the horse thing isn't working for me , could the horse be broken?

More likely your sense of humor is broken. Or perhaps your attention to detail.

 

[Borg]

More likely your sense of humor is broken. Or perhaps your attention to detail.

I was going to say that maybe it is working.

 

[Ibix]

More likely your sense of humor is broken. Or perhaps your attention to detail.

Or @artis is making a horse joke.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

Or @artis is making a horse joke.

Possibly

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Or @artis is making a horse joke.

Well that's a horse of a different color.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I dunno, the horse thing isn't working for me , could the horse be broken?

Maybe if you can find a good cowboy.

 

[DaveC426913]

I dunno, the horse thing isn't working for me , could the horse be broken?

Just in case, you're not pulling our leg - do you really not get it?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Just in case, you're not pulling our leg - do you really not get it?

WE have A leg?

 

[fresh_42]

WE have A leg?

Only one? Whose turn is it?

 

[ergospherical]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Only one? Whose turn is it?

I get the leg on weekends!

 

[fresh_42]

I get the leg on weekends!

You're kidding me. It is the weekend, and you obviously didn't know we had a leg!

WE have A leg?

As soon as we know that we have a leg, the arguments start.

 

[WWGD]

I get the leg on weekends!

Just horsing around. Not sure if the Weeknd knows someone's holding his leg. You might not make it. EDIT: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Weeknd

 

[Ivan Seeking]

You're kidding me. It is the weekend, and you obviously didn't know we had a leg!

As soon as we know that we have a leg, the arguments start.

No, I just thought we had two. And it is only the weekend on Metric Time, not Standard Time.

Who lost the other PF leg?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

I prefer this one because it speaks a truth about women versus men while dealing some warm, nutritious karma:A man was driving a narrow country road and crested a ridge. On the way down, he passed a car coming up the hill. A woman leaned out the car and yelled "PIG! The man yelled back at her: "COW!"

At the bottom of the hill he promptly rain into a pig on the road.

 

[artis]

More likely your sense of humor is broken. Or perhaps your attention to detail.

Ok I'll admit , I kind of did not get the yoke yesterday because I quickly gazed over the possible color explanations missing the gullible part... but then again @Ibix yes I was instead trying to make a horse joke.

In the end the joke is on me , well well it seems the "STABLES" have turned.

 

[BillTre]

 

[DaveC426913]

Ok I'll admit , I kind of did not get the yoke yesterday

Vindication is mine!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Vindication is mine!
View attachment 290438

His head is shaped like an eye but his eyes aren't.

 

[WWGD]

His head is shaped like an eye but his eyes aren't.

I always thought of the shape as that of a football.

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Mayhem]

What does a university student have in common with a wave function? Quantum mechanics can extract all of the energy from both.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

I love anti-vaxxer jokes. They never get old.

 

[BillTre]

I love anti-vaxxer jokes. They never get old.

You mean you never become immunity to them?
The humor is infectious?

 

[jtbell]

Today I stopped at a farm stand run by a retired pirate.

"How much is that corn, cap'n?"

"Arrrh, it's a buck an ear, matey!"

 

[Bystander]

"Arrrh, it's a buck an ear, matey!"

We REALLY do need the "Finger down the throat" emoticon.

 

[Keith_McClary]

We REALLY do need the "Finger down the throat" emoticon.

We could repurpose "skeptical" , since it is not used much in this thread.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[artis]

You mean you never become immunity to them?
The humor is infectious?

According to latest statistics the humor is about 5 times more infectious than vaxxed one.

 

[mfb]

Some people say the humor vaccine looks like this.