Collection of Lame Jokes

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OmCheeto said:
Reminds me of:

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat mama's orbiting around her.

Yo mama's so fat, she's got an event horizon.

Yo mama's so fat, tightening her belt causes her to drop below her Schwarzschild Radius.

yomamaschwarzschild.png


Yo mama's so fat, it took a team of Astrophysicists years of carefully measuring the distortion of light arriving from galaxies on the far side of her gravity well in order to calculate her mass.
 
Physics news on Phys.org
Max™ said:
Yo mama's so fat, she's got an event horizon.

Yo mama's so fat, tightening her belt causes her to drop below her Schwarzschild Radius.

yomamaschwarzschild.png


Yo mama's so fat, it took a team of Astrophysicists years of carefully measuring the distortion of light arriving from galaxies on the far side of her gravity well in order to calculate her mass.

Your mama's so fat that all the fat collapsed into a singularity and she wound up looking good?
 
Perhaps, but who could tell she looked good if light can't cross her event horizon?
 
Sorry, thought it was a pretty lame joke related to the one I read, so I put it here, didn't see the other. :P

Here's one from my 3 year old niece.

Her: Knock Knock
My mom: Who's there?
Her: Orng. (Orange)
My Mom: Orng who?
*niece puts the phone down and walks away*
 
A cute one for kids, sort of, that for whatever reason I find hilarious:

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.

The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. Some distance further down the track Little Red Riding Hood again encounters the Big Bad Wolf, this time crouched behind a road sign.

"My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams... "Will you leave me alone! I'm trying to poo!"
 
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A lame video joke.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jRmo7iM5vk
 
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"What car do you drive?"

"Hmmm, I forgot the exact name... it starts with T..."

"That's impressive, Mine needs gasoline. Never heard of a car that starts with T(ea)"
 
Just came across this one. I thought it was rather good.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
 
Kurdt said:
just came across this one. I thought it was rather good.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "but why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "i can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
buwahahahaha!
 
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I walked into a zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
 
Kurdt said:
I walked into a zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

:smile:
 
Kurdt said:
I walked into a zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

Thats funny, I was just at the zoo the other day as well, what I learned was that they can't do any testing in zoos. Do you know why they can't test in the zoo? There are too many cheetahs.
 
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Jasongreat said:
That funny, I was just at the zoo the other day as well, what I learned was that they can't do any testing in zoos. Do you know why the can't test in the zoo? There are too many cheetahs.

Yeah, and the ones who say they aren't cheetahs, are lion.
 
Jasongreat said:
That funny, I was just at the zoo the other day as well, what I learned was that they can't do any testing in zoos. Do you know why the can't test in the zoo? There are too many cheetahs.

Ivan Seeking said:
Yeah, and the ones who say they aren't cheetahs, are lion.
ahahahaha, oh booo, to both of you! :biggrin:
 
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference
 
And to go along with that:

The 3 rules of aging:

Never pass up a bathroom
Never waste a boner
Never trust a fart
 
DaveC426913 said:
And to go along with that:

The 3 rules of aging:

Never pass up a bathroom
Never waste a boner
Never trust a fart

- The Bucket List
 
DaveC426913 said:
Never trust a fart

True, in Sweden and Denmark the police regularly control there’s no untrustworthy farts "on the road"...

x2p3wy.jpg
 
According to news reports, the latest cyber attack involves sending cups of coffee to computer users around the world. So far thousands of computers have become infected.
 
Yup, and according to latest virus radar, it has already mutated into the extremely lethal Coffee & Cookie virus!
 
I see that your radar has more to offer than just virus-detection.

/lame

Edit:

Man, talk about a first post. That's my chance of making a good first impression effectively blown off. : D
 
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Thy Apathy said:
I see that your radar has more to offer than just virus-detection.

/lame

Yeah man, any old fart that comes near my radar is dead meat! :devil:


Thy Apathy said:
Edit:

Man, talk about a first post. That's my chance of making a good first impression effectively blown off. : D

Yup, but don’t blow to hard buddy, THE RADAR IS ON! :biggrin:

Welcome to PF (and reality) Thy Apathy! :wink:

/superlame
 
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To watch a man lay bricks.

Q:What did the little bird say on finding an orange in its
nest?
A: See the orange mama laid.
 
HarryA said:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To watch a man lay bricks.

I don't get it.
 

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