Collection of Lame Jokes

[BobG]

Aaawww man, that was beautiful...that's a sure sign that I know I'm getting old.

...I like opera...

You would like the opera this song is from. It's from "Die Fledermaus" and, fittingly for this thread, it's about a lame joke that takes some twists the orignator never would have imagined.

The song occurs at a critical moment. Similar to the prisoners and three hats brainteaser, or perhaps more fittingly, the missionary and the adulterous natives brainteaser, people start to realize the situation they're in and become very eager to laugh along with Adele at the accusation that prompted the song.

 

[Isaacsname]

You would like the opera this song is from. It's from "Die Fledermaus" and, fittingly for this thread, it's about a lame joke that takes some twists the orignator never would have imagined.

The song occurs at a critical moment. Similar to the prisoners and three hats brainteaser, or perhaps more fittingly, the missionary and the adulterous natives brainteaser, people start to realize the situation they're in and become very eager to laugh along with Adele at the accusation that prompted the song.

Very nice, I had to go check out some more, I like this one...and there's a ..bald woman...@ 2:49

Die Fledermaus - "Klange der Heimat"



Have you ever listened to the Portsmouth Sinfonia ? It's classical compositions played by classical musicians...on instruments they've never played...conducted by Brian Eno..perfect for this thread.

Also sprach Zarathustra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpJ6anurfuw&feature=related

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

"Mmmmmmphhhhhmmmmm.?!..mppphhhmmmm.!..mmmbbpphhmmmmmmbbbpppphmmmmmmm...mmmmppphhhhmmm...! "


~ Some guy with tape over his mouth

Actually, I think that's DevilsAvocado with tape over his mouth.

 

[nismaratwork]

In the end it is a 3x3 matrix multiplication.

OK, matrices I can do!

 

[DevilsAvocado]

I put a small speaker next to my birdfeeder, just out of curiosity about some things, ...the looks the birds have when I play them Mrs. Jenkins is pretty funny.

STOP ANIMAL ABUSE!

 

[nismaratwork]

STOP ANIMAL ABUSE!

I support that dog's right to maul its owners.

 

[DevilsAvocado]

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Actually, I think that's DevilsAvocado with tape over his mouth.

[PLAIN]https://www.physicsforums.com/Prime/buttons/report.gif

 

[nismaratwork]

[PLAIN]https://www.physicsforums.com/Prime/buttons/report.gif[/QUOTE]

[PLAIN]http://www.htloz.net/forums/images/smilies/awesome/roflcopter.gif[ATTACH=full]197056[/ATTACH][ATTACH=full]197057[/ATTACH]

 

[DevilsAvocado]

...this is getting überlame...

 

[nismaratwork]

...this is getting überlame...

You started it, in every way possible! You brought these wicked emoticons to paradise!

"And so is the Golden City blackened
With each step you take in my Hall.
Marvel at perfection, for it is fleeting.
You have brought Sin to Heaven
And doom upon all the world."
-- Canticle of Threnodies 8:13

 

[DevilsAvocado]

You started it, in every way possible! You brought these wicked emoticons to paradise!

"And so is the Golden City blackened
With each step you take in my Hall.
Marvel at perfection, for it is fleeting.
You have brought Sin to Heaven
AND DOOM UPON ALL THE WORLD."
-- Canticle of Threnodies 8:13

nenenenervous breakdown

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Actually, I think that's DevilsAvocado with tape over his mouth.

[PLAIN]https://www.physicsforums.com/Prime/buttons/report.gif[/QUOTE]
I elicit interesting responses from people, don't I?

 

[DevilsAvocado]

I elicit interesting responses from people, don't I?

wow "interesting"... thanks man... :shy: ...I thought it was just [STRIKE]simple[/STRIKE] lame overkill...

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Bad poetry and mangled opera go hand in hand with lame jokes.

yup + unforgettable covers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU9nqD2YKX0

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Bad poetry and mangled opera go hand in hand with lame jokes.

yup.

The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
They lay. They rotted. They turned
Around occasionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
Time to time.
And sank into the pool's mire.
They also smelt a great deal.

 

[Isaacsname]

yup + unforgettable covers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU9nqD2YKX0

...oh...noe...anything but that...I beg you...

 

[Isaacsname]

...actually kind of catchy..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTrkGyq3Ym0&feature=related

 

[DevilsAvocado]

...oh...noe...anything but that...I beg you...

yes yes yes

 

[DevilsAvocado]

...actually kind of catchy..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTrkGyq3Ym0&feature=related

Yeah! But THIS is a real hit!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_MSi0MhM_c

 

[nismaratwork]

...oh...noe...anything but that...I beg you...

Heeey... I feel your pain man!


Have some of this instead:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hARDXYz2io

[PLAIN]http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/evil/evilgrin0025.gif[ATTACH=full]197058[/ATTACH][ATTACH=full]197059[/ATTACH]

 

[gatztopher]

What do you call a man's lower leg? A mansion. - courtesy my brother circa 10 years old

I'm still trying to figure out what you call a boar's lower leg...

 

[Andre]

source

 

[Isaacsname]

What do you call a man's lower leg? A mansion. - courtesy my brother circa 10 years old

I'm still trying to figure out what you call a boar's lower leg...

I believe the word you're looking for is " Tasty "

 

[Isaacsname]

A midget goes into his general practitioner for a physical and yearly checkup.

The doctor seems angry about something, slightly frustrated, hurrying through the exam without the usual good cheer and banter, huffing and puffing his way through things.

They get to the hernia exam, the midget has to stop the good doctor as he seems to be getting a little rough.

" Doc, ..are you ok, you seem to be a little upset about something ? "

" It's ok, this will be over soon, I'm just feeling a little teste.. "

 

[nismaratwork]

I believe the word you're looking for is " Tasty "

"Ham-hock"

 

[Isaacsname]

"Ham-hock"

My friend,...there's no need for insults.

 

[nismaratwork]

My friend,...there's no need for insults.

I think you're kidding, but I don't get it.

 

[Isaacsname]

I think you're kidding, but I don't get it.

I am. I was making reference to a Groucho Marx movie, at least I think it was Groucho..

I'm such a ham sometimes.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

wow "interesting"... thanks man... :shy: ...I thought it was just [STRIKE]simple[/STRIKE] lame overkill...

Overkill? I'll show you overkill.

 

[Logger]

New York police department are called to a fire downtown.When they get to the scene they see a Irish bar on fire and with flames gushing out the windows.They manage to kick the door down and see through the smoke filled room a old Irish drunk drinking a Guiness against the bar.The fight their way through and finally reach him.They ask him how the fire started and he replied that he didn't know how, as the place was on fire when he got there.

 

[nismaratwork]

I am. I was making reference to a Groucho Marx movie, at least I think it was Groucho..

I'm such a ham sometimes.

Ahhhhh... thank you!

@Fit: Whoa...

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Overkill? I'll show you overkill.

The only appropriate thing to say after being übernuked ... lol ... let’s celebrate this with cake!

[PLAIN]http://gallery.inferia.se/images/cake/nuked_cake.jpg

 

[nismaratwork]

That is some sloppy work with fondant... funny though!

 

[nismaratwork]

Courtesy of Theoatmeal:

"What is a shark's favorite illegal substance?"
A: Reefer.

 

[Isaacsname]

If you throw a mime off of a cliff, will it scream on the way down ?

 

[nismaratwork]

If you throw a mime off of a cliff, will it scream on the way down ?

It will if you kick it in the groin and set it on fire first... I guarantee it!

 

[Isaacsname]

It will if you kick it in the groin and set it on fire first... I guarantee it!

Remind me to stay on your good side.

 

[nismaratwork]

Remind me to stay on your good side.

It's generally advisable, but mostly I'm just overly colorful in my writing.

Oh, and I was forced to watch a HORRIBLE mime for 1.5 hours when I was 6 years old... I think I'd have preferred a good solid molestation or beating!

 

[ThomasT]

Oh, and I was forced to watch a HORRIBLE mime for 1.5 hours when I was 6 years old... I think I'd have preferred a good solid molestation or beating!

Is that mimested or mimestated?

 

[Isaacsname]

It's generally advisable, but mostly I'm just overly colorful in my writing.

Oh, and I was forced to watch a HORRIBLE mime for 1.5 hours when I was 6 years old... I think I'd have preferred a good solid molestation or beating!

You got off light, I was forced into it by my parents for a summer.

Let me tell you this :

It takes a twisted mentality and a derranged logic, as well as a deep-rooted affinity for generally freaking people out and completely alienating yourself from society from mere feet away.

'thimks to self'

" ...maybe that's why I was so good at it.."

 

[nismaratwork]

You got off light, I was forced into it by my parents for a summer.

Let me tell you this :

It takes a twisted mentality and a derranged logic, as well as a deep-rooted affinity for generally freaking people out and completely alienating yourself from society from mere feet away.

'thimks to self'

" ...maybe that's why I was so good at it.."

Shhhh shhshshsh... its OK... let it out... let it all out.

@ThomasT: Moleimed and Mimested... and oh yes, "MIME-RAPE"... they can do it from across a room!

 

[nismaratwork]

Heh... I'm suddenly reminded of Bloom County... Opus beats a mime to death with an Olive Loaf.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

@Fit: Whoa...

I win.

The only appropriate thing to say after being übernuked ... lol ... let’s celebrate this with cake!

[PLAIN]http://gallery.inferia.se/images/cake/nuked_cake.jpg[/QUOTE]
I wonder what uranium tastes like.

 

[nismaratwork]

I win.

I wonder what uranium tastes like.

Actinic.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Just make sure the uranium doesn't undergo fission while in your digestive system.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Courtesy of Theoatmeal:

"What is a shark's favorite illegal substance?"
A: Reefer.

I'm a n00b. You'll have to explain it to me.

 

[nismaratwork]

I'm a n00b. You'll have to explain it to me.

"reefer" is slang for cannabis, marijuana, weed, herb, Mary Jane, etc...

... but it's a fairly old term, a la 'Reefer Madness'.

Specifically it referred to a particular kind of marijuana cigarette.

Reefs are also formations in water where sharks often hunt... so... yeah.

Lame joke, as advertized...BAH ZING!

 

[gatztopher]

|<dorky scientist|on a hot date>|^2 = 0

 

[nismaratwork]

Just make sure the uranium doesn't undergo fission while in your digestive system.

I like to eat two huge loads of uranium, neither of which is critical, but together they're supercritical... then I just hope I don't get constipation. It's even more fun with Plutonium!