Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #1,101
Who wants Kliban..?

You do..

http://www.blackjelly.com/Mag/gallery/klibanhome.htm
 
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  • #1,102
Isaacsname said:
Who wants Kliban..?

You do..

http://www.blackjelly.com/Mag/gallery/klibanhome.htm

"...were dealt with quickly and cruelly by time..."


I like this! Gary Larson and Kliban... two thumbs up
 
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  • #1,103
FtlIsAwesome said:
I wonder what uranium tastes like.

boner.jpg
 
  • #1,104
This guy will be a happy microwave engineer, alternatively happy sound engineer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGA7MEPfO-4
 
  • #1,106
:biggrin:
 
  • #1,107
You guys are funny, but you're freaks. :smile:

I hope that guy didn't sneeze after the picture was taken.
:bugeye:
 
  • #1,108
nismaratwork said:
You guys are funny, but you're freaks. :smile:

... eh omg I think you’re right ... I thought FtlIs was talking about URINEIUM ...


(THAT must be one of the lamest things in this thread... pleazzze?)

:biggrin:
 
  • #1,109
DevilsAvocado said:
... eh omg I think you’re right ... I thought FtlIs was talking about URINEIUM ...


(THAT must be one of the lamest things in this thread... pleazzze?)

:biggrin:

Oh... that has to be up there, if not tops. :smile:

sign0020.gif
 
  • #1,110
gatztopher said:
What do you call a man's lower leg? A mansion. - courtesy my brother circa 10 years old

I'm still trying to figure out what you call a boar's lower leg...

Isaacsname said:
I believe the word you're looking for is " Tasty "

nismaratwork said:
"Ham-hock"

"What's a ham-hock?" "It's a boar shin." "Oh... like eggs?"
 
  • #1,111
gatztopher said:
"What's a ham-hock?" "It's a boar shin." "Oh... like eggs?"

:smile:

I realize that may offend some, but that is absolutely hilarious to me, and VERY clever! Is that a gatztopher original?!
 
  • #1,112
You know when ABS first came out it was braking news.

Badumtish.
 
  • #1,114
Markface said:
You know when ABS first came out it was braking news.

Badumtish.

Heh... for a second I thought, "Badumtish" was the joke... then I said it out loud and face-palmed, "Oh... a rim-shot!".

That is a very lame joke sir... congrats! :wink:


@Isaacsname: I can't tell, but that site looks like it's not a joke... is there really a performing flatulist?!
 
  • #1,115
nismaratwork said:
Heh... for a second I thought, "Badumtish" was the joke... then I said it out loud and face-palmed, "Oh... a rim-shot!".

That is a very lame joke sir... congrats! :wink:


@Isaacsname: I can't tell, but that site looks like it's not a joke... is there really a performing flatulist?!

He's got multiple albums, and good taste in music to boot

Blue Danube Waltz

 
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  • #1,116
Isaacsname said:
He's got multiple albums, and good taste in music to boot

Blue Danube Waltz



Holy gas-cave fartman. :bugeye:
 
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  • #1,117
An iron worker walked into a bar. The bar snapped in two.
 
  • #1,119
Just a joke

Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!:biggrin:
 
  • #1,120
@nismaratwork No... it's like three peoples' jokes mashed together. That's why threads like this are so good!

Say you have a set of mirrors that you only use after dark. What would you call the worst one?

Boba Fett, because he's your worst nightmirrrr
 
  • #1,121
gatztopher said:
@nismaratwork No... it's like three peoples' jokes mashed together. That's why threads like this are so good!

Say you have a set of mirrors that you only use after dark. What would you call the worst one?

Boba Fett, because he's your worst nightmirrrr

That was awful! Nice one.

Here's a favourite of mine:

Can you take a look under there?
 
  • #1,122
Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?
 
  • #1,123
FtlIsAwesome said:
Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

I respond to your query with another lame joke, it's applicable with one obvious difference. :biggrin:

butter-fight.gif
 
  • #1,124
FtlIsAwesome said:
Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

I'm going to put 20$ on the monkeys.

When does it go down ?
 
  • #1,125
FtlIsAwesome said:
Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

Pirate monkeys have guns, but Ninja monkeys have stealth and poison on their side...

I'd go for Ninjas, by a whisker. :biggrin:
 
  • #1,126
Lancelot59 said:
I respond to your query with another lame joke, it's applicable with one obvious difference. :biggrin:

butter-fight.gif

Heh... this reminds me of an argument on an old forum. The debate was, "Kung Fu vs. Mixed Martial Arts"...

"MMA isn't suited for counterterrorism, animal attacks, and futuristic underwater combat. Ya got me there. Next time I'm getting attacked by a bear in the Atlantic Ocean with a bomb strapped to his chest, I'll be sure to use my Kung Fu instead of MMA." (I forget the username)
 
  • #1,127
Here at PF we want PfD's instead of PhD's.

>ubergroan<
 
  • #1,128
FtlIsAwesome said:
Here at PF we want PfD's instead of PhD's.

>ubergroan<

What about the BS ?
 
  • #1,129
Isaacsname said:
What about the BS ?

BA humbug. :wink:
 
  • #1,130
From my page (http://www.chembuddy.com/?left=FAQ):

Registration key should have been attached to the order confirmation mail. Save it in the directory where the program is installed, most likely c:\Program Files\ChemBuddy\program name. Alternatively open registration key with Windows notepad, copy content to the clipboard, start the ChemBuddy program, select File/Register from the menu, paste registration key content into edit field and click OK.

This is a mail I received yesterday from a customer who bought the program few hours earlier:

I have highlighted the key data code including the four lines of code. I then right clicked and found copy but no option come up to where. Nothing about clip boards etc.

Help. I need to be able to use this program that I just purchased.

And my answer:

Customer wrote:

xx> I have highlighted the key data code including the four lines
xx> of code. I then right clicked and found copy but no option come
xx> up to where. Nothing about clip boards etc.

You are on the right track. Copy means "copy to clipboard", see for
example

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cut,_copy,_and_paste#Cut_and_paste

and

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clipboard_(software )

Kind regards,

And - in a way - answer to the answer I just got from the eCommerce provider (Plimus) that sells my software:

Dear Plimus Vendor,

A new dispute has been opened by your customer for order xxx, with the reason: "Licensing issue".

Please see the dispute correspondence below:
CUSTOMER : Licensing issue - I want a refund. I could not register the program using the code key and. what Customer Support was worthless. Note that I have removed this program from my computer. What limited access that was available without registration will not serve to meet my needs.
Very poor prodcut design. I will be contacting xxx to make sure that I have either received a refund from Plimus or challenge the charge.

Have a good day,

Is it lame enough?
 
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  • #1,131
Makes you wonder what he was going to do with the software if he couldn't figure out Copy and Paste. :-p
 
  • #1,132
Borek said:
Is it lame enough?

Muuhaha! :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

What a mor*n!

I could not register the program using the code key and.

Well, that’s the actual 'bug', Sir...I once had customer who spend a lot of money on samplers and MIDI software. A that time all stuff was delivered on 3.5'' floppy disks. Next day the customer came back, green is his face, and shaking groaned – I’ve been up all night and ... I CAN’T INSTALL THIS THING!

He thought that the metal shutter was a "lid" that had to be "opened" before use... therefore he had (by force) tried to remove the whole thing... without succeeding completely... and THEREFORE he could NOT put the disk in the drive!
500px-Floppy_disc.jpg


Borek said:
From my page (http://www.chembuddy.com/?left=FAQ):

I think I know why your customer wants a refund... that crucial FAQ gives Error 404! (:smile:)
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." -- Rick Cook, The Wizardry Compiled​
 
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  • #1,133
The møøse snëëïzed ohn mee toïdai.


Yükk.
 
  • #1,134
DevilsAvocado said:
I think I know why your customer wants a refund... that crucial FAQ gives Error 404! (:smile:)

vBulletin garbled the link, corrected.
 
  • #1,135
Blonde: What's an "ick"?
Dude: That's "IQ".
Blonde: Oh, okay.


Dude: I have a lot of cash that's burning a hole in my pocket.
Blonde: Your money's on fire!?
 
  • #1,136
Happy St Patricks Day!

Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Irish Stew
Irish Stew Who?
Irish Stew in the name of the Law

And what can you say about Asteroid Stew? - Its "Meteorite".
 
  • #1,137
FtlIsAwesome said:
Blonde: What's an "ick"?
Dude: That's "IQ".
Blonde: Oh, okay.

lololz :D I don't normally like blonde jokes but the whole ick thing is funny :D
 
  • #1,138
cobalt124 said:
Happy St Patricks Day!

Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Irish Stew
Irish Stew Who?
Irish Stew in the name of the Law

And what can you say about Asteroid Stew? - Its "Meteorite".

I don't get it >_<
 
  • #1,139
HeLiXe said:
I don't get it >_<

The stew is "meaty o right".
 
  • #1,140
Yes two jokes "I arrest you in the name of the law" and "meaty alright".
 
  • #1,141
Lancelot59 said:
The stew is "meaty o right".

cobalt124 said:
Yes two jokes "I arrest you in the name of the law" and "meaty alright".
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh *feels slow*
I would have never gotten the Irish stew one! lol
 
  • #1,142
I'm a day late on this one.

What's Irish and sits outside?

Pattie 'O Furniture :-p
 
  • #1,143
Borg said:
I'm a day late on this one.

What's Irish and sits outside?

Pattie 'O Furniture :-p

:smile: OMG I hope I didn't wake anyone lololol
 
  • #1,144
Borg said:
I'm a day late on this one.

What's Irish and sits outside?

Pattie 'O Furniture :-p
Ha! Nice one.

Wanna hear a corny joke? A person eats corn.

Wanna hear a chauvinist corny joke? A man eats corn.:biggrin:
 
  • #1,145
Borg said:
I'm a day late on this one.

What's Irish and sits outside?

Pattie 'O Furniture :-p

Ahhh... I know him, very good friends with the couple Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick!
 
  • #1,146
nismaratwork said:
Ahhh... I know him, very good friends with the couple Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick!
They keep their money at the Redbank branch of the Longbranch Bank.
 
  • #1,147
Jimmy Snyder said:
They keep their money at the Redbank branch of the Longbranch Bank.

:smile:

Good one!
 
  • #1,148
If you want to laugh, read this post.
 
  • #1,149
nismaratwork said:
Ahhh... I know him, very good friends with the couple Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick!
:smile:
 
  • #1,150
Today's Cyanide and Happiness comic:

[PLAIN]http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/kitchen.png

It's Aw Man!
 
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