Collection of Lame Jokes

[DaveC426913]

Chickens lay eggs.

Men lay bricks.

Ah.[10 char]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Ah.[10 char]

However, comedians can lay eggs.

Teenage boys will lay anything.

 

[Lancelot59]

Ah.[10 char]

Have you ever seen that silly internet phrase, "When you see it you'll **** bricks."? It's usually used as a caption for pictures with something really strange in the background.

 

[DaveC426913]

Have you ever seen that silly internet phrase, "When you see it you'll **** bricks."? It's usually used as a caption for pictures with something really strange in the background.

I know the phrase, and it was around decades before the internet, sonny.

I just didn't get the tie-in to a chicken crossing the road. Some jokes are lame enough that they risk being overthunk.

 

[nismaratwork]

What'd you eat for breakfast?
Pea soup.
What'd you eat for lunch?
Pea soup.
What'd you eat for dinner?
Pea soup.
What will you do now?
Pee soup.

 

[Lancelot59]

What'd you eat for breakfast?
Pea soup.
What'd you eat for lunch?
Pea soup.
What'd you eat for dinner?
Pea soup.
What will you do now?
Pee soup.

Sounds like something out of Monty Python, or some other similar comedy group.

 

[nismaratwork]

Sounds like something out of Monty Python, or some other similar comedy group.

It does, doesn't it? I'm unsure of the origin, but I read it in a book by humorist Dave Barry, who was relating a favorite joke he and friends would tell when he was a child. There's history in that Pea Soup... and a little something extra.

 

[mugaliens]

Two men walked into a bar. One turned to the other and said, "Ow!"

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Two men walked into a bar. One turned to the other and said, "Ow!"

Two iron workers walked into a bar.

 

[ThomasT]

A blind guy comes into a bar and swings his, small, seeing eye dog in a circle around his head. The bartender says. "What the hell are you doing?" The blind guy says, "Just lookin' around."

Lame?

 

[nismaratwork]

"A priest, a rabbi, and a girdle salesman walk into a bar..."
This isn't a real joke, but an intro told by a character from the comic, Bloom County. It is never revealed what the joke is, but it's implied that it's hilarious. I use that intro all the time now, and just wait while I ruin someone's day, the rest of which they'll spend trying to figure the rest out.

 

[nismaratwork]

A blind guy comes into a bar and swings his, small, seeing eye dog in a circle around his head. The bartender says. "What the hell are you doing?" The blind guy says, "Just lookin' around."

Lame?

Maybe I'm lame, because I think that's actually pretty funny.

 

[mugaliens]

A blind guy comes into a bar and swings his, small, seeing eye dog in a circle around his head. The bartender says. "What the hell are you doing?" The blind guy says, "Just lookin' around."

Lame?

No. Funny! Sick humor, to be sure, but FUNNY, yes.

 

[DaveC426913]

It is never revealed what the joke is, but it's implied that it's hilarious.

The BANANA SKETCH!?? AWESOME! Do you use a yellow one? Or a green one?

 

[HarryA]

When Noah's ark settled on the mountain Noah open the doors
and told the animals to go forth an multiply.

A little snake spoke up and said "we can't multiply we are adders!"
So Noah thought for a while then he got an idea. Noah built a table
from logs and place the pair of snakes on the table
and then Noah told them "now you can multiply".

 

[WhoWee]

Maybe I'm lame, because I think that's actually pretty funny.

I do too.

 

[AlephZero]

No. Funny! Sick humor, to be sure, but FUNNY, yes.

Did you hear about the quadriplegic guy who tried to swim the English Channel*?

He had to give up half way. His ears fell off.

* For the geographically challenged, a "classic" long distance sea swim, 22 miles if you manage to steer straight, between England and France.

 

[DaveC426913]

Guy walks into the doctor's office. He has a banana up his nose, pasta sauce in his pants and cauliflowers sticking out of his ears.

Doctor says "You're not eating right."

 

[nismaratwork]

The BANANA SKETCH!?? AWESOME! Do you use a yellow one? Or a green one?

You're pure funny evil!


You also keep posting funny jokes as lame! I feel lame...

 

[dkotschessaa]

Guy walks into the doctor's office. He has a banana up his nose, pasta sauce in his pants and cauliflowers sticking out of his ears.

Doctor says "You're not eating right."

That's one of those ones that's going to make me chuckle quietly to myself all day and make everyone think I'm insane.

-DaveKA

 

[nismaratwork]

That's one of those ones that's going to make me chuckle quietly to myself all day and make everyone think I'm insane.

-DaveKA

Right?! And, the dog one was 'LOL' funny. I've been sending both around (and giving credit to DaveC) friends and family, and I'm yet to get anything, BUT laughs.

 

[Evo]

Guy walks into the doctor's office. He has a banana up his nose, pasta sauce in his pants and cauliflowers sticking out of his ears.

Doctor says "You're not eating right."

 

[Evo]

when noah's ark settled on the mountain noah open the doors
and told the animals to go forth an multiply.

A little snake spoke up and said "we can't multiply we are adders!"
so noah thought for a while then he got an idea. Noah built a table
from logs and place the pair of snakes on the table
and then noah told them "now you can multiply".

lol.

 

[FlexGunship]

This is one of my favorite jokes that MIGHT be appropriate for this forum. I think it qualifies as lame. I hope you don't mind that I actually just looked it up and copy and pasted it here (it's a long one). Reformatted for readability.

A man walked into Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks "What's up?"

The man proceeds to explain he's taking a vacation to Rome.

"ROME?!" Joe says, "Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of mafiosos! You'd be crazy to go to Rome!... So how you getting there?"

"We're taking TWA" the man replies.

"TWA?!" yells Joe. "They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late!... So where you staying in Rome?"

The man says "We'll be at the downtown International Marriot."

"That DUMP?!" says Joe. "That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they're overpriced!... So what are you doing when you get there?"

The man says "We're going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope."

"HA! That's rich!" laughs Joe. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You're going to need it!"

A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut.

Joe says, "Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!"

"No, quite the opposite" explained the man. "Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendent who waited on me hand and foot!"

"Hmmm," Joe says, "Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described."

"No, quite the opposite! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling. Its the finest hotel in Rome, now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite for no extra charge!

"Well," Joe mumbles, "I KNOW you didn't get to see the Pope!"

"Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."

Impressed, Joe asks, "Tell me, please! What'd he say?"

"Oh, not much really. Just 'Where'd you get that garbagety haircut?'"

Source: http://www.yuksrus.com/barber.html

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

A: I'm looking for a woman with brains to match her beauty.
B: How about Jane? She's stupid and ugly.

 

[drizzle]

 

[Lancelot59]

A: I'm looking for a woman with brains to match her beauty.
B: How about Jane? She's stupid and ugly.

Nice one.

 

[HeLiXe]

A: I'm looking for a woman with brains to match her beauty.
B: How about Jane? She's stupid and ugly.

I like this one

 

[mugaliens]

Funny? Witty, for sure. I hope there's no one here named Jane. If so, I hope she has a wonderful sense of humor!

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Funny? Witty, for sure. I hope there's no one here named Jane. If so, I hope she has a wonderful sense of humor!

That would be my Freckle Faced Consumptive Sarah Jane. She's the butt of many a joke and takes it well.