Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

too funny

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

I really love the old Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns ... never saw the cat in the original tho, hahaha

 

[Ibix]

I really love the old Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns ... never saw the cat in the original tho, hahaha

All three characters had the same theme music, one on vox humana, one whistled, and one on harmonica. I've now got it going round in my head on synth-meow.

Meow-eow-eow...

Meow, meow, meow

 

[jack action]

This is so cool!

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[mfb]

.

The French had a few revolutions in the last centuries. The Earth had one revolution per day!

 

[davenn]

 

[jim mcnamara]

I could have posted these in several posts... maybe they should have been in no post at all.

• What did the man say when the bridge fell on him?
_The suspension is killing me._

• Do you have weight loss mantras?
_Fat chants!_

• My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me...
_Or sew it seams._

• A relief map shows...
_Where the restrooms are._

• There was a big paddle sale at the boat store...
_It was quite an oar deal._

• The meaning of opaque is...
_unclear._

• I wasn't going to get a brain transplant...
_But then I changed my mind

 

[jtbell]

Why don't you see spherical cows working in large corporations?

They're not a good fit for cubicle farms.

 

[jim mcnamara]

• So what if I don't know the meaning of the word 'apocalypse'?
_It's not like it's the end of the world._

 

[Mark44]

When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg!

 

[Mark44]

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
"You mean a martini?" the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"

 

[kuruman]

A neutrino walks into a bar in Tijuana and says,
"Una cerveza por favor."
"No mas", says the bartender.
"Si, un poco", replies the neutrino.

(I don't remember if I've seen this here but it's worth repeating.)

 

[fresh_42]

A neutrino walks through a bar.

 

[Johnny Yuma]

Guy walks into a seafood bar and grill...orders an Old Crow on the rocks. Downs it and complains to the waiter that it was no good, watered down. Asks the waiter if he can swap the empty glass for today's calamari special.
Waiter becomes incensed and escorts the guy to the door, saying "You are denied service for attempting a squid for Crow".

 

[mfb]

Waiter becomes incensed and escorts the guy to the door, saying "You are denied service for attempting a squid for Crow".

I'm peach in the face for shame?

 

[fresh_42]

Actually, this sentence is missing on every IKEA building instruction:

"First, drink a glass of wine!"

 

[Johnny Yuma]

After President Millard Fillmore died on 8 March 1874 the Whig party decided to display him in his coffin for a few days and hired a well known carpenter, T. Milton Walker to build a suitable frame to hold the heavy and ornate coffin. It went very well and many viewers remarked on the elegant detail and structure of the frame.

Indeed, it was later known as... the bier that made Milt Walker famous

 

[WWGD]

I don't care what transvestites do, as long as they don't drag me into it.

 

[WWGD]

Killer plead the court for mercy after killing his mother: "Ladies and gentlemen, please remember, I am
an orphan!"

 

[256bits]

What do you see?
If not a joke, at least it's fun, and amazing.

Spoiler

 

[davenn]

 

[jim mcnamara]

Alternative facts are...
Aversion of the truth.

I used to have a fear of hurdles...
But I got over it.

Did you know they won't be making yardsticks?
Any longer?

 

[mfb]

They don't make yardsticks any longer, but they make meter sticks now. 10% longer.

 

[fresh_42]

DYK that most square yards are much bigger than a square yard?

 

[WWGD]

Harvard is the square root of Harvard Square(d).

 

[mfb]

Which famous place is this: t²?

 

[Ibix]

Which famous place is this: t²?

Spoiler: Hint

$t^2\in\nu_{\mathrm{York}}$