Collection of Lame Jokes

[jrmichler]

What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

Spoiler

Unlawful is against the law, and illegal is a sick bird.

 

[fresh_42]

What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

Spoiler

Unlawful is against the law, and illegal is a sick bird.

I thought the first one was a radio with broken volume control: un-low-full.

_{... I'm already out of sight ... can't catch me ...}

 

[Keith_McClary]

Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for November 05, 2021​

 

[fresh_42]

 

[valenumr]

A nitrogen atom sits down and a bar. The bartender asks,, "why so blue"? To which the nitrogen atom response, "I think I've lost an electron".

"Are you sure"?
"I'm positive".

 

[phinds]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Hamiltonian]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

We had Rock on a Croc

Now we have Rock out of Broc

 

[WWGD]

Just wanted to have post # 11111. Meet you at # 22222 around 2037. ( Web will collapse in 2038).

 

[phinds]

Gads, this HAS been a popular thread.

 

[fresh_42]

( Web will collapse in 2038)

Apophis is 2029. What will be in 2038?

 

[phinds]

Apophis is 2029. What will be in 2038?

Try Googling 2038

 

[fresh_42]

Try Googling 2038

Disappointing. I had expected at least something like a 2012 Maya equivalent, not only some nerd computers.

 

[WWGD]

Apophis is 2029. What will be in 2038?

Will run out of space for 32-bit storage of universal/Unix time: Number of seconds since January 1, 1970. After switching to 64-bit storage, problem will be shifted to January 2106.

 

[WWGD]

I had misunderstood 'Apophis' to mean " At The Office" when I first heard about it.

 

[valenumr]

Will run out of space for 32-bit storage of universal/Unix time: Number of seconds since January 1, 1970. After switching to 64-bit storage, problem will be shifted to January 2106.

Is that correct? It's not adding 68 years, it's adding like 4 billion years.

 

[WWGD]

Is that correct? It's not adding 68 years, it's adding like 4 billion years.

My rule of thumb/ back of envelope is: $2^{32}=4294967296$. Then we divide by 2 to get $\pm 2147483648$. There are $31557600$ minutes in a year. The quotient $2147483648/31557600$ is around 68.
Edit: I may be mixing minutes with seconds.

 

[valenumr]

My rule of thumb/ back of envelope is: #2^{32}=4294967296#. Then we divide by 2 to get #\pm 2147483648#. There are #31557600# minutes in a year. The quotient #2147483648/31557600# is around 68.

Yes, but 2^64 is 2^32 * 2^32, not 2^32 + 2^32.

 

[WWGD]

Yes, but 2^64 is 2^32 * 2^32, not 2^32 + 2^32.

Yes, you're right; I read it and didn't double check. I think it is Edit:$18446744073709551616$. But I don't have a Real calculator with me and it's hard to go back-forth in an Android.

 

[valenumr]

Yes, you're right; I read it and didn't double check. I think it is #18446744073509616#. But I don't have a Real calculator with me and it's hard to go back-forth in an Android.

Yeah, approximating 68 as 2^6, it should be roughly 2^38 years.

 

[fresh_42]

Just keep watching mice and dolphins.

 

[WWGD]

Just keep watching mice and dolphins.

And men?

 

[fresh_42]

And men?

No. Maybe with the exception of Slartibartfast.

 

[WWGD]

No. Maybe with the exception of Slartibartfast.

\Whoosh to me. I was just referring to " Of mice and men".

 

[WWGD]

No. Maybe with the exception of Slartibartfast.

Guess I'm one of the few here not a fan of LOTR.

 

[jbriggs444]

Unless the improbability drive has been operating, Tolkien did not write the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Spoiler

In the Hitchhikers Guide, the Earth turns out to be a gigantic supercomputer that has been tasked with determining the ultimate question. The answer having been previously determined to be "42".

The construction of Earth was undertaken by Slartibartfast who was commissioned by hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings whose extrusions into our world are seen as mice.

When Slartibartfast ends a phrase with "of mice..." and Arthur Dent tries to complete it with "and men", Slartibartfast looks at him oddly.

 

[jack action]

When a programmer writes a song:

 

[WWGD]

Unless the improbability drive has been operating, Tolkien did not write the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Spoiler

In the Hitchhikers Guide, the Earth turns out to be a gigantic supercomputer that has been tasked with determining the ultimate question. The answer having been previously determined to be "42".

The construction of Earth was undertaken by Slartibartfast who was commissioned by hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings whose extrusions into our world are seen as mice.

When Slartibartfast ends a phrase with "of mice..." and Arthur Dent tries to complete it with "and men", Slartibartfast looks at him oddly.

Ok, not a sci fi fan; can't really tell them appart.

 

[fresh_42]

Ok, not a sci fi fan; can't really tell them appart.

You missed something. You would love Douglas Adams! Full of absurdities, language humor, and a manic depressive robot hero "with a brain of the size of a planet" who has to "escort the prisoners". But the best part is the absurdities.

 

[WWGD]

You missed something. You would love Douglas Adams! Full of absurdities, language humor, and a manic depressive robot hero "with a brain of the size of a planet" who has to "escort the prisoners". But the best part is the absurdities.

It's kind of weird. At some point I decided I didn't like it, despite never having read a single book nor even watching a single sci-fi tv show.

 

[fresh_42]

It's kind of weird. At some point I decided I didn't like it, despite never having read a single book nor even watching a single sci-fi tv show.

Have a read:

This planet [earth] has, or had, a problem, which was this. Most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small, green pieces of paper, which is odd, because on the whole, it wasn't the small, green pieces of paper which were unhappy. And so the problem remained, and lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches. Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake coming down from the trees in the first place, and some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no-one should ever have left the oceans.

Genious!

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

Do you need a current license to drive an electric vehicle?

 

[BillTre]

Potentially.
I wonder what the charge would be.

 

[jbriggs444]

Dunno, not my field.

 

[fresh_42]

Do you need a current license to drive an electric vehicle?

And will it be called a resistance if you're pulled over?
"Your current license and fuse papers, please!"

 

[WWGD]

And will it be called a resistance if you're pulled over?
"Your current license and fuse papers, please!"

Ohm my, Resistance?

 

[fresh_42]

Ohm my, Resistance?

Schultz?

 

[WWGD]

No

Schultz?

No, still WWGD.

 

[DrGreg]

The number of electric puns in this thread is shocking.

 

[fresh_42]

The number of electric puns in this thread is shocking.

Say Watt?

 

[WWGD]

Say Watt?

Reminds me of the 5 journalists: Watt, Wei, Weir , Wen and Hu.

 

[jrmichler]

Say Watt?

I actually got away with this in high school physics class. It went something like this:

Teacher: Jim, what's the unit of electrical power?
Me (apparently asleep, head down on desk, without moving): The watt? I tried to make it come out between watt and what.
Teacher: Right, the watt.
Entire class heard "what", understood watt, and started laughing.
Teacher (confused): That was the right answer.

I got away with it because this happened after a friend and I had stacked all of the signal generators and oscilloscopes into a big pyramid, connected them, and got a different Lissajous pattern on each scope. We were busy trying to get all of the patterns rotating in the same direction, when the principal walked in, watched us for a little while, said "gosh, that looks very technical", walked over, and congratulated the teacher on doing a good job.

 

[WWGD]

I actually got away with this in high school physics class. It went something like this:

Teacher: Jim, what's the unit of electrical power?
Me (apparently asleep, head down on desk, without moving): The watt? I tried to make it come out between watt and what.
Teacher: Right, the watt.
Entire class heard "what", understood watt, and started laughing.
Teacher (confused): That was the right answer.

I got away with it because this happened after a friend and I had stacked all of the signal generators and oscilloscopes into a big pyramid, connected them, and got a different Lissajous pattern on each scope. We were busy trying to get all of the patterns rotating in the same direction, when the principal walked in, watched us for a little while, said "gosh, that looks very technical", walked over, and congratulated the teacher on doing a good job.

I believe Hu was teaching the class after that one.

 

[fresh_42]

Electricity seems to be a European project:

 

[WWGD]

A Faraday keeps the electrician away.

 

[fresh_42]

A Faraday keeps the electrician away.

Better so. My electrician friend blew the power of an ice factory. Now, it's in liquidation.

 

[WWGD]

Better so. My electrician friend blew the power of an ice factory. Now, it's in liquidation.

Ice, Ice baby no more!