Collection of Lame Jokes

[DevilsAvocado]

Do you think Wikileaks knows Victoria's Secret?

You mean like leaking/diapers?

 

[lisab]

Do you think Wikileaks knows Victoria's Secret?

Yes, but Victoria doesn't realize it - she was sleeping at the time.

 

[nismaratwork]

@DA & LisaB:

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Yes, but Victoria doesn't realize it - she was sleeping at the time.

With her diapers on..???

 

[nismaratwork]

With her diapers on..???

Well... better in a diaper than a bed I suppose...

Where's that "vomiting" smiley when I need it?!

 

[DevilsAvocado]

ewwww vomit!

 

[nismaratwork]

THAT'S the one; thanks DA.

 

[DevilsAvocado]

THAT'S the one; thanks DA.

I do anything for you honey!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Last night I got a fortune cookie that said "Now is the time to get in touch with your feminine side".

I asked my wife what she thought, but she was against the idea. I whine and complain too much already.

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Last night Sarah Palin got a fortune cookie that said "Now is the time to get in touch with your masculine side".

Sarah asked her husband Todd what he thought, but he was against the idea and said: – Honey, you’ve already got that prefect mix of brutality and violence.

 

[nismaratwork]

Last night Sarah Palin got a fortune cookie that said "Now is the time to get in touch with your masculine side".

Sarah asked her husband Todd what he thought, but he was against the idea and said: – Honey, you’ve already got that prefect mix of brutality and violence.

 

[DevilsAvocado]

 

[GeorginaS]

Guy goes to the bar and has a little too much to drink. In his drunken stupor he inadvertently pukes all over his own shirt.

He walks up to the bartender and slurs: "Ugh, umma ded man! When muh wife seez dis, sheez gunna kill me!"

The bartender says: "No, she won't. Listen, pal, do you have ten dollars?"

Guy says: "Yuh, fur wat?"

Bartender says: "Go home, tell her some guy at the bar got too drunk and puked on your shirt and he gave you ten bucks to get it dry cleaned."

Guy say: "Yura geenyus! Dat'll werk purfektly!"

So the guy goes home, and his wife is instantly livid! She yells: "For the love of-- What happened to your shirt?"

Guy, still a little drunk, says: "Well, some bozo at duh bar got a little too drunk, an' he puked on muh shirt! He gave me ten bucks to get it cleaned."

The wife looks at him and says: "This is a twenty."

Guy says: "Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention... he also crapped in my pants."

Okay, I laughed out loud.

 

[mugaliens]

Yes, but Victoria doesn't realize it - she was sleeping at the time.

Ok, you may have issues, although you may not be regretting them. I dunno, you tell us. Or not. (shrugs)

In the meantime...

 

[mugaliens]

Last night Sarah Palin got a fortune cookie that said "Now is the time to get in touch with your masculine side".

Sarah asked her husband Todd what he thought, but he was against the idea and said: – Honey, you’ve already got that prefect mix of brutality and violence.

She might actually agree with you!

I think she'd be gentle, though. :)

 

[dkotschessaa]

Q. How many people with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Hey, want to go for a bike ride?

 

[FlexGunship]

A wife walks up to her husband and says: "I want a divorce; I'm going to become a hooker. I just found out I can get paid $400 for what I give to you for free!"

The husband responds: "Well, I'm coming with you, I want to see you live off of $800 a year."

 

[FlexGunship]

A brunette, a blonde, and a red-head are in 3rd grade. Who has the biggest boobs?

The blond; she's 18.

 

[FlexGunship]

Taking a big risk on this one! Please don't hate me, girls/women! It's just a joke!

Did you know beer has female hormones in it? Yeah, if you drink enough of it you start spouting emotional gibberish, you complain a lot, you don't understand complex things, and you drive really poorly.<awaits the flame>

 

[WhoWee]

taking a big risk on this one! Please don't hate me, girls/women! It's just a joke!

Did you know beer has female hormones in it? Yeah, if you drink enough of it you start spouting emotional gibberish, you complain a lot, you don't understand complex things, and you drive really poorly.


<awaits the flame>

...man overboard...

 

[FlexGunship]

...man overboard...

[URL]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v172/aujourdhui/GIFs/cookiemonster.gif[/URL]

 

[FlexGunship]

...man overboard...

[URL]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v172/aujourdhui/GIFs/cookiemonster.gif[/URL]

 

[Lancelot59]

Taking a big risk on this one! Please don't hate me, girls/women! It's just a joke!

Did you know beer has female hormones in it? Yeah, if you drink enough of it you start spouting emotional gibberish, you complain a lot, you don't understand complex things, and you drive really poorly.


<awaits the flame>

I laughed. Also, the cookie monster wins!

 

[FlexGunship]

I laughed. Also, the cookie monster wins!

Good, I was afraid I did something wrong... like this guy...

[URL]http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/510511/gatoradehockey_medium.gif[/URL]

 

[Lancelot59]

Good, I was afraid I did something wrong... like this guy...

[URL]http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/510511/gatoradehockey_medium.gif

[/URL]

Don't start feeling safe yet. None of the women have commented yet.

 

[FlexGunship]

Don't start feeling safe yet. None of the women have commented yet.

Uh oh...

[URL]http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r143/v_happylurker21/GIF%20and%20Macros/ray.gif[/URL]

Sorry, that's the last one. I'm getting bandwidth heavy on you 1992-vintage 28k modem users!

 

[jtbell]

Rudi looks out the window of his Moscow apartment and says to his wife "Honey ! It's going to rain." The wife disagrees, on account of the bright sun and no clouds. Nevertheless, it starts to pour in a few minutes. The baffled wife askes Rudi how he knew.

Comes the reply, "Rudolf, the Red knows rain, dear !"

The version of this joke that I know dates to before the fall of the Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain. The guy lived in West Berlin but always watched the weather forecast on East German TV, delivered by a reporter named Rudolf.

 

[nismaratwork]

Many people have oral issues, and especially... the dreaded drinking problem.

 

[FlexGunship]

Many people have oral issues, and especially... the dreaded drinking problem.

 

[Galaxyman]

reaps the wonders of grain, **** Mountain Dew all hail Dr P