Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

That was me on Thursday when they told me at two different McDoofs: Until 10 only breakfast.

 

[WWGD]

That was me on Thursday when they told me at two different McDoofs: Until 10 only breakfast.

There was a scene along those lines in the movie " Falling Down"* with Michael Douglas. His character, at 11:01 am being told breakfast is served only until 11. Edit: And a somewhat different scenario to the song " Institutionalized": ' All I wanted was a Pepsi..."

*Not that you can fall up, though.

 

[jack action]

I met some chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby recently. They just kept bragging about how good they are at the game.

There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

 

[fresh_42]

I met some chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby recently. They just kept bragging about how good they are at the game.

There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

That's when you wish Capablanca was around:

After Alekhine had taken the championship title from Capablanca, Capa spent quite a bit of his spare time hanging out in a specific cafe in Paris. Friends, acquaintances, and others would often drop by, participating in games and libations with the former, charismatic, champion. One day, while Capa was having coffee and reading a newspaper, a stranger stopped at his table, motioned at the chess set, and indicated he would like to play if Capa was interested. Capa's face lit up, he folded the newspaper away, reached for the board, and proceeded to pocket his own queen. The opponent (who apparently had no idea who Capablanca was) reacted with slight anger. "Hey! You don't know me!", he said. Capa's answer: "Indeed!"

 

[jtbell]

The Scottish mutation of coronavirus.

View attachment 293733

Besides the other well-known effects of the coronavirus, this one also destroys your hearing.

 

[WWGD]

That's when you wish Capablanca was around:

After Alekhine had taken the championship title from Capablanca, Capa spent quite a bit of his spare time hanging out in a specific cafe in Paris. Friends, acquaintances, and others would often drop by, participating in games and libations with the former, charismatic, champion. One day, while Capa was having coffee and reading a newspaper, a stranger stopped at his table, motioned at the chess set, and indicated he would like to play if Capa was interested. Capa's face lit up, he folded the newspaper away, reached for the board, and proceeded to pocket his own queen. The opponent (who apparently had no idea who Capablanca was) reacted with slight anger. "Hey! You don't know me!", he said. Capa's answer: "Indeed!"

At the Capa Cabana.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

At the Capa Cabana.

I have heard the story with Alekhine in the title role. Makes more sense.

 

[strangerep]

That's when you wish Capablanca was around:

After Alekhine had taken the championship title from Capablanca, Capa spent quite a bit of his spare time hanging out in a specific cafe in Paris. Friends, acquaintances, and others would often drop by, participating in games and libations with the former, charismatic, champion. One day, while Capa was having coffee and reading a newspaper, a stranger stopped at his table, motioned at the chess set, and indicated he would like to play if Capa was interested. Capa's face lit up, he folded the newspaper away, reached for the board, and proceeded to pocket his own queen. The opponent (who apparently had no idea who Capablanca was) reacted with slight anger. "Hey! You don't know me!", he said. Capa's answer: "Indeed!"

I too have read versions of such stories, which went as follows...

Alekhine was once on a train, analyzing positions on a miniature chess set. A stranger noticed and offered to play a game. Alekhine said he'd play the man for a stake of 100 pounds ( a lot of money in those days).
"What?" the stranger said. "You don't even know me!".
"That", said Alekhine, "is why."

For contrast, Capablanca was such a gentleman that when a stranger offered to play him, giving queen odds, Capa thought it rude to refuse. He quickly won the game, then offered the stranger the same odds, again winning.

There's a quote by Paul Morphy (paraphrased): "The ability to play chess is a sign of a good upbringing. The ability to play chess well is a sign of a misspent life". I wish I'd realized that when I was teenage example of the truism that within every chess player of reasonable skill lurks a nutcase.

 

[fresh_42]

https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/physics-forums-chess-club-thread.982319/#post-6278487

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

Actally, that's a picture of me when I ask for a coke and the waitress asks if Pepsi would be OK.

Every time I tell them 'no it would not be OK'.

Nowadays, I have given up trying and beat them to it by asking for "your house cola".

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 294003

Non-American here: I assume there's a number on there somewhere that's bigger than a 1?
:does homework, sees that's Ben Franklin:

 

[WWGD]

Non-American here: I assume there's a number on there somewhere that's bigger than a 1?
:does homework, sees that's Ben Franklin:

It's a $100 bill, a Ben Franklin.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 294001

Cubical cat, meet spherical cow. Are you also of uniform density?

 

[phinds]

Every time I tell them 'no it would not be OK'.

Nowadays, I have given up trying and beat them to it by asking for "your house cola".

 

[Melbourne Guy]

I keep pressing the F5 key. I find it quite refreshing!

 

[fresh_42]

Non-American here: I assume there's a number on there somewhere that's bigger than a 1?
:does homework, sees that's Ben Franklin:

That was indeed very annoying when I was in the USA being used to selecting the bills by color and form. And the permanent necessity to squint while driving because all signs were a long text instead of symbols that could be checked by a short glimpse. I am not a fast reader so it was a nightmare, all these lengthy texts.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 294022

I'm a Pepsi man myself. I drink it with plenty of ice. Though I have the quirk of still loading the ice in Winter. Not very wise, I admit.

 

[fresh_42]

I'm a Pepsi man myself. I drink it with plenty of ice. Though I have the quirk of still loading the ice in Winter. Not very wise, I admit.

You need a lot of ice to deafen the taste buds.

 

[WWGD]

You need a lot of ice to deafen the taste buds.

A few times , out of laziness, I drink it without and still enjoy it. Cheap and enjoyable, a great combo.

 

[DennisN]

Not everyone likes Christmas.

 

[WWGD]

Canadian rock:
My goal over the _Weeknd_ was a boot to Rush downtown and my attempt to Triumph in buying the concert ticket. Eh?

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

Maybe more sad than funny:

 

[DrClaude]

Canadian rock:
My goal over the _Weeknd_ was a boot to Rush downtown and my attempt to Triumph in buying the concert ticket. Eh?

I prefer drinking April Wine with, Guess Who, some Barenaked Ladies. Then again, I am a bit of a Loverboy.

 

[WWGD]

I prefer drinking April Wine with, Guess Who, some Barenaked Ladies. Then again, I am a bit of a Loverboy.

And I bet you did it for love, all of it.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Borg]

Oh deer.

 

[fresh_42]

Why does English use a word for such a big thing as antlers, which sounds like tiny little eusocial formicidae aka insects?

 

[WWGD]

Why does English use a word for such a big thing as antlers, which sounds like tiny little eusocial formicidae aka insects?

Spanish has a word for two people with the same ( first) name: ' Tocayos'. Seems a bit contrived .

 

[DaveC426913]

Why does English use a word for such a big thing as antlers, which sounds like tiny little eusocial formicidae aka insects?

The same reason that the three syllable full-sized term "World Wide Web" is shorter than its nine syllable acronym "Double-you double-you double-you.".

 

[Ibix]

Why does English use a word for such a big thing as antlers, which sounds like tiny little eusocial formicidae aka insects?

A mix of Germanic and Latin roots, I think. So it's your fault...

 

[WWGD]

Why does English use a word for such a big thing as antlers, which sounds like tiny little eusocial formicidae aka insects?

Not really, me not very social.

 

[DrClaude]

The same reason that the three syllable full-sized term "World Wide Web" is shorter than its nine syllable acronym "Double-you double-you double-you.".

Half a dozen...

 

[wrobel]

Text: How to distinguish birds?
bird bird bird bird bird...

 

[Arjan82]

View attachment 294146

Text: How to distinguish birds?
bird bird bird bird bird...

Suits your name I guess

 

[wrobel]

o yes ;)

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 294146

Text: How to distinguish birds?
bird bird bird bird bird...

Ptak: The bird is the word. There was a politician by the last name ' Pataki'. Wonder if it's of that origin. Or maybe the basketball player Larry Ptak ;).

 

[wrobel]

A person with surname "Ptak" has likely Polish roots

 

[WWGD]

A person with surname "Ptak" has likely Polish roots

It was ' Pataki', but it seems reasonable to assume it has roots in ' ptak'.

 

[gmax137]

The bird is the word.

 

[WWGD]

So you do know about the bird.

 

[jack action]

I'm a social vegan. I avoid meet.

 

[Bandersnatch]

It was ' Pataki', but it seems reasonable to assume it has roots in ' ptak'.

No, it's Hungarian. Means creek.

 

[WWGD]

Just

No, it's Hungarian. Means creek.

An old, maybe stale one:
Just came back from Budapest.
Hung(a)ry?
No, I just ate.

 

[Ibix]

Just
An old, maybe stale one:
Just came back from Budapest.
Hung(a)ry?
No, I just ate.

I remember an illustrated children's book where they flew in a hot air balloon over the dessert. It was covered in giant ice creams and cakes...