Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borg]

And don't forget, stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.

 

[Bystander]

just desserts

"Just" as in "only?" Or "just" as in "appropriate?" Not that it makes any difference...

 

[jack action]

One minute you're young and fun, and the next you're turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

 

[fresh_42]

One minute you're young and fun, and the next you're turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

"The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy." (Oscar Wilde)

 

[WWGD]

I remember an illustrated children's book where they flew in a hot air balloon over the dessert. It was covered in giant ice creams and cakes...

\Whoosh.

 

[WWGD]

"The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy." (Oscar Wilde)

Except for Ben Button.

 

[strangerep]

One minute you're young and fun, and the next you're turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

I never play music in my car -- I like to hear the engine. [Any other revheads here?]

I'd like to think I'm still fun (in the car) though no longer young. (Sane passengers, of course, might leave a mess on the leather.) It's an Audi S5, which I recently upgraded to Stage 1 APR performance enhancement -- now it's as potent as an RS5, for a tiny fraction of the normal price difference. My heart leaps when it gets up to medium revs, and then unexpectedly let's loose with even more oomph before upshifting. That Audi V6TT is an astonishingly good ICE. It's one of only 4 things left in life that still put a smile on my face.

I'm currently debating whether to go the whole hog up to Stage 2, which would put the car into R8 territory.

[Edit: I just noticed fresh42'sOscar Wilde quote: "The soul is born old but grows young". There seems to be more boy racer in me now than when I was a boy.]

 

[256bits]

View attachment 292976

heard on the radio.

"with all the pestilences, crime, murder, poverty, economic collapse, war - what kind of world are we leaving for Keith Richards."

 

[sandy stone]

[Any other revheads here?]

I'd like to think I'm still fun (in the car) though no longer young. (Sane passengers, of course, might leave a mess on the leather.) It's an Audi S5, which I recently upgraded to Stage 1 APR performance enhancement -- now it's as potent as an RS5, for a tiny fraction of the normal price difference. My heart leaps when it gets up to medium revs, and then unexpectedly let's loose with even more oomph before upshifting. That Audi V6TT is an astonishingly good ICE.

I really prefer normally aspirated engines, for their immediate response. The V6 in my old Infiniti was a great engine, but they had to go to variable valve timing to allow it to rev to 8K RPM, just to keep pace with the competition's turbo engines.
I finally went to the dark side with my current car, a Genesis G70. The V6 twin turbo in this car will really push you back in your seat, but I also have to put in a good word for the handling - precise without being twitchy, and tons of grip.

 

[WWGD]

\Whoosh.

Ah, I guess it's a dessert/desert joke. But I did not see how it follows from mine about Budapest which was not even good as a lame joke.

 

[DennisN]

 

[Ibix]

Ah, I guess it's a dessert/desert joke.

Hungry/Hungary, desert/dessert, that's all.

 

[WWGD]

Hungry/Hungary, desert/dessert, that's all.

I love me a good Ssahara tart.

 

[DennisN]

 

[strangerep]

I really prefer normally aspirated engines, for their immediate response.

I used to prefer that too, but not after the tuning upgrade which sharpens the immediate response, even in "efficiency" mode.

The V6 in my old Infiniti was a great engine, but they had to go to variable valve timing to allow it to rev to 8K RPM, just to keep pace with the competition's turbo engines.

I owned an Infiniti Q60S before my Audi S5. (The new S5 sportback hadn't yet arrived.)
I found the Q60S could spin its rear wheels a bit too easily in slippery conditions, which the S5 never does, even though it's noticeably more potent than the Infiniti. I decided to trade in the Q60S on an S5 after only a few months of owning the Q60S -- and lost a lot of money doing so, but never regretted it.

 

[DennisN]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

I remember one stating " The Last Day of Classes will be Canceled".

I hope they didn't program it into the system.

 

[phinds]

 

[DaveC426913]

You lopped off the punchline...

 

[DennisN]

You lopped off the punchline...
View attachment 294356

"Can't be tight if it's a liquid"

 

[Hamiltonian]

uh oh!

 

[Keith_McClary]

You lopped off the punchline...

Shouldn't one of these be in there?

 

[ergospherical]

 

[jtbell]

There was a politician by the last name ' Pataki'.

I remember some people called him "Paturkey".

 

[jtbell]

What makes a man age?

His manager.

 

[Bandersnatch]

Wow. That is too lame even for this thread :D

 

[Hamiltonian]

View attachment 294408

Any child with a Jedi master is most probably a Jedi initiate, and Anikin being the choosen one and all, Maul probably could feel his force sensitivity.

 

[tribdog]

Lamest joke you know ...

What do you call a hippies wife?

Missus hippie.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[BillTre]

Text from a dog.

 

[valenumr]

 

[DennisN]

Trouble brewing...

More trouble brewing...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

Reminds me of a Hugh Dennis (I think) joke about the Bronze Age being, of course, the third best Age.

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 294608

I bought gluten-free water for 50% off. And they say I'm ignorant!

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 294608

87% less calories than our regular water!

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

Michelle? I see what you did there...

Time to dust off an old one, though. I have a racing snail, but he doesn't win very much. I thought I'd reduce weight and drag if I removed his shell, but it just made him more sluggish.

 

[Bystander]

just made him more sluggish.

Time for the "gag/finger down throat" emoticon.

 

[Ibix]

Time for the "gag/finger down throat" emoticon.

The racing snail gag is one of my favourites for exactly that reason!

 

[Ibix]

I looked up the "Sapporo diet water", and it turns out to be a real thing. Apparently it's got some vitamins and minerals dissolved in it, along with a sizeable dose of marketing pseudoscience about it helping you lose weight. Not a lot of evidence for the latter, it seems - you can imagine my surprise.

 

[BillTre]

Perhaps on FDA there?

 

[WWGD]

I looked up the "Sapporo diet water", and it turns out to be a real thing. Apparently it's got some vitamins and minerals dissolved in it, along with a sizeable dose of marketing pseudoscience about it helping you lose weight. Not a lot of evidence for the latter, it seems - you can imagine my surprise.

I heard it only helps your wallet lose weight ;).