Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 294863View attachment 294862

Not sure if the ' focus' part was intentional but it fits!.

 

[nsaspook]

The 'Chip' shortage.

 

[valenumr]

The 'Chip' shortage.
View attachment 294883

"Not recommended for new designs"

 

[Borg]

James Bond walks into a bar and sits down next to an attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance and casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks if his date is running late.

"No", he replies, "I have a state of the art watch and I was just testing it".

The intrigued woman asks "What's so special about it?"

Bond explains "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

"What's it telling you now?", she asks.

"Well, it's telling me that you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "It must be broken because I am wearing panties."

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

 

[Borg]

 

[jack action]

Now how I understand why it takes physicists so long to find the theory of everything:

 

[nsaspook]

"Not recommended for new designs"

That's on my resume.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[DennisN]

Happy new 2022!

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

That looks more like a roll of toilet paper to me.

 

[Keith_McClary]

 

[jack action]

I hear they are developing a mind-controlled air freshener.

It makes scents when you think about it.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

(insert three letter organization) guy wanted to hop a fence and trespass on an owner's property. The owner said "that's not a good idea, don't do it!" The official says "you see this badge? This means I can do whatever I want!" owner says "ok". He gets halfway into the pasture when an angry bull starts chasing him. The owner yells "your badge! Show him your badge!"

 

[Ibix]

Once upon a time there were two young skunks named In and Out. One day they were playing hide and seek near their burrow. They were having a great time, but then their mother poked her nose out of the burrow and saw Out, whose turn it was to seek. "Out," she said, "it's dinner time. Get your brother and come inside."

"We're playing hide and seek and In's hiding," said Out. "I don't know where he is."

"He's behind that tree," said their mother, pointing.

"How do you know?" asked Out.

"Easy," answered their mother. "In stinked."

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 294988

I don't know what prompted that tweet (although from the date the context is obviously the 2020 US presidential election), but the reply seems somewhat ill-judged. Never heard of her myself, but "Tarah" has her full name in her profile, from which you can find a fairly impressive resume in her Wikipedia bio.

 

[WWGD]

I don't know what prompted that tweet (although from the date the context is obviously the 2020 US presidential election), but the reply seems somewhat ill-judged. Never heard of her myself, but "Tarah" has her full name in her profile, from which you can find a fairly impressive resume in her Wikipedia bio.

Yes, it's a dig about people with advanced degrees in the social sciences. It's arguably unfair as a dig in a sense, but still kind of funny. People go into $$ in debt .

 

[collinsmark]

Yes, it's a dig about people with advanced degrees in the social sciences. It's arguably unfair as a dig in a sense, but still kind of funny. People go into $$ in debt .

Well, things didn't work out quite so well for Veruca Salt either, in the end.

 

[jack action]

 

[Borg]

AKA the "I don't need to slow down club. "

 

[sysprog]

AKA the "I don't need to slow down club. "

I was once driving on a freshly-plowed tollway, and someone passed me at [my speed + (>10mph)], and sure enough, I saw him stuck in the median about a mile further on.

 

[Arjan82]

I was once driving on a freshly-plowed tollway, and someone passed me at [my speed + (>10mph)], and sure enough, I saw him stuck in the median about a mile further on.

If he ended up in the median with only +10mph, then your own margin also wasn't that big

 

[valenumr]

If he ended up in the median with only +10mph, then your own margin also wasn't that big

Speed is relative!

 

[valenumr]

If he ended up in the median with only +10mph, then your own margin also wasn't that big

Or further... The speed limit is relative to my reference frame.

 

[jbriggs444]

Or further... The speed limit is relative to my reference frame.

Even if a judge would buy that argument, a jersey wall won't.

 

[WWGD]

Speed is relative!

 

[jtbell]

That reminds me of the limerick "There was a young fellow named Fisk..."

 

[berkeman]

Another one from my Facebook feed...

 

[WWGD]

 

[Keith_McClary]

The sign says June 28, 1965.

View attachment 295051

I remember one in Montana that supplied a frayed piece of 6mm rope for a "restraining device". Some of them had some kind of clip or hook, but nobody used them. There were lots of little kids without adults.

The aluminum benches had no cushions, so they did a good job of conducting heat from you.

 

[BillTre]

The Old Lang Sign:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Bystander]

View attachment 295087

Shy by two or three O(m) of an actual proof, but, it's not looking too terribly promising.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Borg]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 295110

Now I know what you're thinking.

 

[Borg]

More from the land of COVID...

 

[DrGreg]

Passing gas in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.