Collection of Lame Jokes

32,519
4,237

davenn

Science Advisor
Gold Member
8,702
5,639
I was considering a career as a psychic, but I just didn't see a future in it
 

davenn

Science Advisor
Gold Member
8,702
5,639
I had to return my "U2" navigation system...
I couldn't find what I was looking for, and none of the streets had any names.​
 

Steelwolf

Gold Member
96
135
I had always thought it would be cool to run a Psychic Pizza Delivery service. Some one calls in for a Large Double Pepperoni Pizza and the person answering picks up the phone with : " Hello Mr Jones, Your Large Size Double Pepperoni pizza is on it's way it should be" Ding Dong (doorbell) "There right now, that will be twenty seven fifty, and the delivery boy thanks you for the $7.50 tip, Have a great day and we will see you again June 18th!"
 

Ibix

Science Advisor
Insights Author
4,975
3,288
I had always thought it would be cool to run a Psychic Pizza Delivery service.
I think this is on the list of "things that get you thrown off the Jedi Council", after "using your lightsaber to open beer" and "<hand gesture> I gave you a twenty". If not, it should be.
 
32,807
8,648
Instant delivery is a great advantage over other pizza services.
 

256bits

Gold Member
2,745
771
I was going to tell a lame joke about paper, but I realized it was terrible.
 

256bits

Gold Member
2,745
771
Sure does.
I wish I had checked the oil level before driving on vacation.
I wish I had a jug of oil in the trunk.
I wish I wasn't a hundred miles from nowhere.
:H
 

strangerep

Science Advisor
2,948
726
Why do elephants paint their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside down in custard.
Oh jeez, that takes me back to my childhood. What an ancient joke.

Of similar vintage:

Why do elephants paint their toes red?

So they can't be seen when they're hiding in a strawberry patch. o0)

More recent:

What did the female elephant say to the naked man?

Well,... I guess it's kinda cute,... but can you actually breathe through that??
 

DrGreg

Science Advisor
Gold Member
2,242
651
Why do elephants paint their toes red?

So they can't be seen when they're hiding in a strawberry patch. o0)
Have you ever seen an elephant in strawberry patch?

No? Then that shows how effective it is.



By the way, in the version I heard as a child, it wasn't a strawberry patch, it was a cherry tree.
 

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