Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

 

[256bits]

"What is your religion?"
"I don't have one"

Not so complicated.

"What is your favorite rugby team?"
"I don't have one"

Is that the empty set response(none) , or the full set ?

 

[256bits]

A stout fellow?

How did you fathom what beer he likes?

 

[fresh_42]

Is that the empty set response(none) , or the full set ?

No, that would be the difference between an atheist and an agnostic.

 

[davenn]

don't think I have posted this recently (at all)

 

[davenn]

and on a related theme

 

[WWGD]

There is the Indian version of it. The Indian guy who won't share is selfeesh, the one who was born in the UK is Briteesh, the one who never has any money is Lokash.

Only fair our Eastern friends make fun of our Western names. Any takers?

 

[fresh_42]

Only fair our Eastern friends make fun of our Western names. Any takers?

I once tried. A movie quotation. Didn't work. Tarantino isn't allowed to cite.

 

[DrGreg]

I sent a letter using a stamp featuring Houdini . Stamp was upside down but somehow arrived right-side up .
??

You should have put the stamp inside the sealed envelope.

 

[WWGD]

You should have put the stamp inside the sealed envelope.

Except that the letter would have been returned unless Harry did his thing before the mailman picked it up.

 

[jtbell]

I guess some people like to ride their motorcycles everywhere.

 

[jack action]

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.

Then I realized who was telling me this.

 

[davenn]

I guess some people like to ride their motorcycles everywhere.

View attachment 258008

I'm willing to be that @berkeman would take that challenge on

 

[davenn]

How much does it cost pirates to get their ears pierced?

About a buccaneer.
Well it is a lame joke thread

 

[fresh_42]

Murder investigation in Hammerfest:
"Where have you been last night between November 23rd and December 17th?"

 

[mfb]

That gives one-night stand a new meaning.

 

[WWGD]

After everything, Corona beer changed its name to avoid the connection of its name with the Wuhan virus.
Now we can all enjoy our ice-cold Ebola beer!

 

[fresh_42]

After everything, Corona beer changed its name to avoid the connection of its name with the Wuhan virus.
Now we can all enjoy our ice-cold Ebola beer!

I don't know the Corona customers in general, but here it is often the show-off. Normal people drink normal beer, i.e. local brands. There is no need in Germany for fancy bottles, lemons and imported brands. Hence, I assume they will change their name on the German market into Marburg beer.

 

[jack action]

A young man and his girlfriend were walking along Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry-store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she gushed.

"No problem," her companion replied, throwing a brick through the window and grabbing the ring.

A few blocks later, the woman admired a full-length sable coat. "What I'd give to own that," she said, sighing.

"No problem," he said, throwing a brick through the window and grabbing the coat.

Finally, turning for home, they passed a car dealership. "Boy, I'd do anything for one of those Rolls-Royces," she said.

"Jeez, baby," the guy moaned, "you think I'm made of bricks?"

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

Another forum I read is discussing people with inappropriate names. Turns out there was a Mr. Hunter who went vegan, and promptly got nicknamed Gatherer.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

My ex-wife still misses me,
but her aim is steadily improving.

 

[DrGreg]

The inventor of anti-bacterial gel must be rubbing their hands this week.

 

[fresh_42]

The inventor of anti-bacterial gel must be rubbing their hands this week.

However, would be the more honest reaction.

 

[davenn]

The inventor of anti-bacterial gel must be rubbing their hands this week.

yeah all the way to the bank, as are the toilet roll manufacturers with all the idiotic panic buying of both
products. The loo paper manuf's are now doing 24/7 production trying to keep up

I went to one of the local supermarkets today to get some general groceries,
there wasnt a roll of loo paper in sight

 

[fresh_42]

yeah all the way to the bank, as are the toilet roll manufacturers with all the idiotic panic buying of both
products. The loo paper manuf's are now doing 24/7 production trying to keep up

I doubt that this will change the overall usage, i.e. they will have to fire people in a few weeks since everybody has toilet paper in their basements for years. Btw. same is true for noodles and rice - at least here.

And the antibacterial soaps are complete rubbish - à propos rubbing hands. Since when are viruses bacteria? Water alone is probably far better than antibacterial gels.

 

[Keith_McClary]

I doubt that this will change the overall usage, i.e. they will have to fire people in a few weeks since everybody has toilet paper in their basements for years. Btw. same is true for noodles and rice - at least here.

Some people will buy large quantities of stuff they will never use (before it spoils). Like bags of flour, rice or beans or yukky canned stews.

 

[mfb]

Canned food and other long-lasting stuff can replace demand for food that doesn't last that long.
Demand for bottled water can go up easily from people who normally drink tap water (independent of what they do with the water later).
I don't expect changes in the toilet paper consumption unless there is a virus that comes with diarrhea.