Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

This ... goal gets better and better with every new camera angle:

 

[WWGD]

 

[Borg]

Yeah. Where's that guys' hat?

 

[Arjan82]

Crazy fashion is of all times...:
1960(?):

1900:

around 1600:

 

[DennisN]

A Strange Sound

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you
think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man
tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t
tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man’s car breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same
strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you.
You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can
find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the Earth and tell us how many blades of
grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these
numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on
the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the Earth and have found
what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you
the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound
is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May
I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and
amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end.
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find
the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.

 

[Bandersnatch]

View attachment 296533

Give the guy a break. He just lived through a world war.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Yeah. Where's that guys' hat?

Meet the new generation of milliners making hats cool again​

Many images.

 

[BillTre]

Meet the new generation of milliners making hats cool again​

Many images.

Many hats for dsiplay rather than hats for function there.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Big noisy protest at Canadian Parliament

(pareidolia)

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[256bits]

I'm sick.
I'm tired.
I must have the disease.


^{The spoiler is not coming up.}

[ I am sick and tired of Covid }

 

[256bits]

View attachment 296533

What's that.
Soccer player moonlighting job on offseason.

 

[ergospherical]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 296639

Correction sir: that's blown off.

(One nerd point if you can name the episode I'm misquoting.)

 

[DaveC426913]

Correction sir: that's blown off.

(One nerd point if you can name the episode I'm misquoting.)

I don't suppose it's

 

[jack action]

 

[Baluncore]

View attachment 296639

That is photo shopped quite well. The actual signs read ...

 

[WWGD]

The creator of autocorrect died recently.
May he restaurant in piece.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

I don't suppose it's
View attachment 296645

Much older - it was Star Trek having a moment of scientific accuracy.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

This is not lame. This is the opposite of lame. This is brilliant.

 

[DrClaude]

This is not lame. This is the opposite of lame. This is brilliant.

View attachment 296751

The irony of writing in TREK (the correct answer ) is that 71 down becomes "It's a trap!"

 

[DaveC426913]

The irony of writing in TREK (the correct answer ) is that 71 down becomes "It's a trap!"

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 296791

Remember the place at the train station manned by an Indian guy, called " Akhbar's Snack bar"

 

[phinds]

View attachment 296718

It is absolutely ridiculous to think that this is a regular American breakfast. I mean, where in the hell are the hash-browns?

 

[gmax137]

It is absolutely ridiculous to think that this is a regular American breakfast. I mean, where in the hell are the hash-browns?

Plus, I use a fork & knife to eat. Shoveling that down with your bare hands would cause unsightly and corrosive fingerprints on the breakfast gun. Where's the Hoppe's oil and the rag? Didn't we all learn that in scouts?

EDIT: you can tell it isn't Texas, there's no ketchup on the table

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 296794

This reminds me of a Groucho joke:
Besides a dog, a book is a person's best friend.
Inside a dog, its too dark to read.

 

[DaveC426913]

This reminds me of a Groucho joke:
Besides a dog, a book is a person's best friend.
Inside a dog, its too dark to read.

*ahem*

Outside of a dog, a book is...

 

[sysprog]

@BillTre, please don't feel alone if you're feeling a bit chagrined in re the Groucho quote correction $-$ @DaveC426913 has (graciously) straightened me out at least a couple of times . . .

 

[Baluncore]

I was unaware of the quote's Marxian origin.
You sit by the fire, quietly reading a book.
Your dog lies by the fire, reading your facial expression, and becoming quite perplexed by the story you are telling.

 

[sysprog]

@DaveC426913 thank you for nicely reminding me of the definitionally prismatic characteristics of a prism.

 

[sysprog]

Much older - it was Star Trek having a moment of scientific accuracy.

It was Data on Next Generation, and it was "out", not "off" (I cheated and googled it, but how different is that from asking Data?)

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

It was Data on Next Generation, and it was "out", not "off" (I cheated and googled it, but how different is that from asking Data?)

I didn't actually recall the scene, but I am confident I understand the reference and usage.
Subsequent Googling confirms my suspicion: a blow out.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

 

[256bits]

Big noisy protest at Canadian Parliament
View attachment 296567
(pareidolia)

Call it the Capital Trucker Festival running last week of January to February.
Nothing like a festival in the winter to turn the cold blues away.
( quebec city has its Bonhoome winter carnival )
Ottawa could charge admission and make it an annual thing attracting tourist dollars.
They have barbeques, bouncy houses for the kids, saunas, good music, dancing.
they even put up a kitchen house in about 2 days.

Instead, Ottawa wants to retain it's boring town personna and would like the festival dang down.

 

[Ibix]

It was Data on Next Generation, and it was "out", not "off" (I cheated and googled it, but how different is that from asking Data?)

I didn't actually recall the scene, but I am confident I understand the reference and usage.
Subsequent Googling confirms my suspicion: a blow out.

Yup. A ship full of redshirts got drunk on recycled plot from the original series, said "hold m'beer" and opened an airlock. Riker comments (for the benefit of the audience) that they were all sucked out into space and Data (for the benefit of pedants) corrects him.

Props to the writers for acknowledging from where the episode got its main plot device by directly referencing the events of the older one.

 

[DennisN]

 

[sysprog]

A ship full of redshirts got drunk on recycled plot from the original series

One of the first things I learned from my neighbor's color TV was if you're on Star Trek, don't wear a red shirt.