Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 271859

Please promise me that in case you ever have children, do not change diapers! Never, ever. Let the mother do this! The box might have the print: 8 to 10 kilo.

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

in keeping with the season ...

 

[OCR]

. . . .

.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 271800

I think I've told this before, but one of the most depressing Christmas experiences I've had was going into a nearly deserted shopping centre where the sound system was playing "Last Christmas", only the recording had stuck and it was just repeating
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next d
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next d
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next d
...

(To get this on topic for Lame Jokes - I think somebody needed to give the CD player a Wham!)

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 271868

Bears hardly ever eat joggers*. Cougars, maybe.
With bears, just tell them to go away, while taking selfie:


*A study by Stephen Herrero, an ecology professor at the University of Calgary, found 56 people have been killed by predacious black bears since 1900 in all of North America.

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

This is irrelevant information. The decisive question is, whether it was made with poison instead!

 

[jack action]

This is irrelevant information. The decisive question is, whether it was made with poison instead!

Good news, love is poison:

​

 

[fresh_42]

Good news, love is poison:

​

I still prefer that version:

 

[mfb]

love is poison

Is that an = relation or a $\subset$ relation?
Are love and poison the same thing, and therefore the sandwich is safe, or is love a subset of all poisons, and we are still unsure?

 

[Bandersnatch]

Doesn't the dose make the poison? What's the LD50? I can't find it in Masha's thesis.

 

[fresh_42]

Is that an = relation or a $\subset$ relation?
Are love and poison the same thing, and therefore the sandwich is safe, or is love a subset of all poisons, and we are still unsure?

You are save: "The use of synthetic oxytocin as a medication can result in excessive contraction of the uterus that can risk the health of the baby."

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

True bravery!

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[jtbell]

Dick the bartender worked at the tavern across the street from the hospital. One of his lunchtime "regulars" was a doctor who always had a daiquiri, garnished with crushed almonds.

One day, Dick saw the doctor crossing the street, and proceeded to set up his drink. Alas, his bowl of almonds was empty! So he decided to try some hickory nuts instead.

The doctor took a sip and frowned.

"Is that an almond daiquiri, Dick?"

"No... it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

And the clock struck one...

 

[Keith_McClary]

Who let the dogs out?

 

[waternohitter]

Some people have difficulties sleeping, but I can do it with my eyes closed.

 

[phinds]

OK, the 2020 presidential election has gotten dangerous. I mean, I've always heard that you are supposed to seek medical help if your election lasts for more than four HOURS and it's been days now.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[mfb]

OK, the 2020 presidential election has gotten dangerous. I mean, I've always heard that you are supposed to seek medical help if your election lasts for more than four HOURS and it's been days now.

There is also this:

(404 "not found" and 403 "forbidden" are common HTML error codes)

 

[Keith_McClary]

Last month I tried to post a cartoon about the annoying pre-election period.

 

[fresh_42]

Last month I tried to post a cartoon about the annoying pre-election period.

Just a matter of enough popcorn.

 

[mfb]

and distance. Don't forget the distance. One ocean is recommended.

 

[strangerep]

View attachment 271697

... and where are all the wildlife rescue people when you really need them? There's a beached whale here that needs saving!

 

[fresh_42]

I never thought it had been meant literally when some dude said "I have to go for Bengal tigers."