Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

History essays in 2053...
Explain the use and role of memes as a coping mechanism
during the 2020 corona virus pandemic

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 261957

Race horses, I assume, training for the Kentucky Derby.

 

[Klystron]

View attachment 261957

Is this write our own captions week? I am feeling captious:

Julia: "Oh, Velvet! Oh, Velvet! We shall shed these excess pounds and simply dominate the Derby!"

Velvet: "Moooo!"

 

[jack action]

If you ever lock yourself out of the house, just talk calmly to your lock.

Because communication is the key.

 

[Ibix]

It is Star Wars day today - May the Fourth be with you!

Tomorrow it's the Revenge of the Fifth.

 

[WWGD]

Edit: A man shows up wearing a skirt and a woman's blouse:
"My girlfriend wanted to show you the new clothes she bought but she couldn't come today".

 

[WWGD]

It is Star Wars day today - May the Fourth be with you!

Tomorrow it's the Revenge of the Fifth.

Careful. Tradition is to have a Corona* on Cinco de Mayo.

*A beer.

 

[256bits]

When you should make your dentist appointment:

On a Tuethday, at twothirty.

 

[davenn]

As soon as I was put in the hospital gown,
I knew my end was in sight

 

[jack action]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Borg]

That's just wrong. Everyone knows that you're supposed to use the ones on the ends first.

 

[Klystron]

That's just wrong. Everyone knows that you're supposed to use the ones on the ends first.

Joking aside, you are correct. Presuming only five urinals, they should reverse the taping pattern to improve spacing and keep 3 urinals in use. If only two are needed then the end units should be open for maximum distancing.

 

[BillTre]

 

[mfb]

Quite sure the row had more than 5, someone just took a picture of 5 in the middle.

 

[Ibix]

Quite sure the row had more than 5, someone just took a picture of 5 in the middle.

You can see the tile pattern on both wall and floor being interrupted at the right hand side, so I'm pretty sure this is the end of a row. I think @Klystron's point stands, unless there's an even number of urinals and we can only see five.

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

Q: Are you solo?
A: Depends. Am I wanted by the Empire?

 

[mfb]

You can see the tile pattern on both wall and floor being interrupted at the right hand side, so I'm pretty sure this is the end of a row. I think @Klystron's point stands, unless there's an even number of urinals and we can only see five.

"For the record, the whole row is longer, I just couldn’t get it all in frame. Probably should have shifted over one."
It's probably the end of the row, but the row is longer.

 

[jbriggs444]

You can see the tile pattern on both wall and floor being interrupted at the right hand side, so I'm pretty sure this is the end of a row. I think @Klystron's point stands, unless there's an even number of urinals and we can only see five.

As I interpret the drawing, the right hand end is the last, but the next item over is a stall with the wall extending out into the bathroom [the shadow is visible on the floor]. One might reasonably want to keep that urinal out of service so that the fellow standing beside the stall will not touch his zipper then touch the stall then touch his face...

 

[nsaspook]

 

[BillTre]

Apparently, the hornets are used to make an alcoholic drink:

According to their reports, fermented wasp shouchuu has an unappetizing muddy-brown color and smells a bit like rotting flesh. If you’re wondering about the taste of this unusual drink, it’s apparently a lot like that of regular shouchuu, but with a salty aftertaste that comes from the wasps poison. In conclusion, it looks disgusting, it stinks and it tastes really bad, so why would anyone want to drink this home-made fermented hornet brew? Well, for the health-related benefits, of course. The venom-infused liquor is said to make the skin more beautiful, boost recovery from fatigue and prevent “lifestyle disease” (whatever that is).

In order to make the drink, one first has to catch the hornets. If their nest is built underground, catchers place a net over it and simply rattle the insects so they fly into it. If the nest lies beneath an overhang, a plastic bag is placed over it, and if the hornets are in flight, they’re smacked with a large swatter. Protective gear is mandatory, but sometimes those giant stingers make it through and deliver the pain-inducing venom. To prepare the liquor, a large number of live wasps are placed in a large mason jar, which is then filled with shouchuu. The jar is then sealed and the hornets left to drown in the alcohol. Desperate to escape, they release their venom which gives the drink its signature taste and curative properties. The hornets are left to ferment for a full three years, before the disgusting shouchuu can be consumed.

 

[nsaspook]

So that's what Jack Burton was drinking.

Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the Earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it."

 

[BillTre]

So that's what Jack Burton was drinking.
View attachment 262287

One of my favorite movies!

 

[Bob Walance]

A family was driving along a quiet rural road when suddenly a three-legged chicken zoomed past their car and veered past a farmhouse.

Of course, the family was curious so they decided to stop. A farmer was working outside so the mother rolled down the window and inquired, "Did you see that three-legged chicken that just raced by?

The farmer responds, "Oh yeah, that was one of my three-legged chickens. We raise them right here."

"But why three legs?", asks the mom.

The farmer answers, "Well, you see, it's just my wife, my son and I here on this farm and we all like chicken legs. So, we decided to start raising them."

"I see. And how do they taste?", the mom asks.

"We don't know. We've never been able to catch one."

 

[phinds]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

One of my favorite movies!

Was that "big trouble in little china"?