Collection of Lame Jokes

[pinball1970]

Is that it's young Dennis? Some of the mothers do that.
Yeah scrap that. It's too big, it's eating it. Nature is horrific.

My faith in the animal kingdom is restored. Notice the male of the species (cat fish) does this.
( Not for egalitarian reasons though if you have read the Selfish Gene)

https://www.britannica.com/science/mouthbreeder

“mouthbreeder, any fish that breeds its young in the mouth. Examples include certain catfishes, cichlids, and cardinal fishes. The male of the sea catfish Galeichthys felis places up to 50 fertilized eggs in its mouth and retains them until they are hatched and the young are two or more weeks old.”

 

[BillTre]

Fish in the mouth of mouth brooders are much smaller:

A better term is mouth brooder.
They don't breed in the mouth (that I know of) but eggs/fry are there for protection (that's brooding) after the breeding.

 

[Baluncore]

RIP https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric-brooding_frog

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 299882

The check is for 0.002$. I don't get it.

 

[pinball1970]

The check is for 0.002$. I don't get it.

the pi and sum part?

 

[DennisN]

At the pub, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

 

[WWGD]

Sperm bank - the only bank in the world where "frozen assets" are a good thing...

And you can't write checks. Or make nightly deposits ( without getting arrested).

 

[Delta Prime]

At the pub, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

 

[pinball1970]

The check is for 0.002$. I don't get it.

Or is that a maths joke? If it is I don't get it!

 

[gmax137]

Or is that a maths joke? If it is I don't get it!

The picture shows
$e^\rm{i \pi}$, which is -1
but the text evaluates
$e^\rm{2 \pi}$, which is 535.49...

So I think there's something wrong with the check. Or the joke.

 

[Borg]

A farmer had 196 cows in his field.

Spoiler: How many did he have when he got them to the barn?

When he rounded them up, he had 200.

 

[collinsmark]

View attachment 299882

The check is for 0.002$. I don't get it.

There's some good Internet history behind this. This was in response to an Internet meme/phenomenon for its time (a time before even Facebook was particularly popular).

By the way, the cheque/check signer is Randall Munroe, the very same Randall Munroe as the author of webcomic xkcd that we all know and love. Munroe wasn't involved in the actual incident, but the image of the check/cheque was his humorous response to it.

[The text under the check/cheque in the image is wrong. That must have been added by somebody else. The original joke is that the amount of the check is for 0.002 - 1 + 1 dollars = $0.002. Whoever wrote the text underneath misinterpreted the i as 2.]

The incident -- a recorded phone call -- is where Verizon customer service does not know the difference between 0.002 dollars and 0.002 cents.

Here's an article about it:
https://consumerist.com/2010/02/23/...nce-between-difference-between-002-and-00002/

And here is the whole customer service phone call which was recorded. Fair warning, it's all of funny, frustrating, and infuriating, altogether.

 

[Delta Prime]

I always wear a stethoscope when I frequent the advanced electronic engineering laboratory just in case there is a medical emergency, I
can teach my peers a valuable lesson
about making assumptions.

 

[DennisN]

I (or someone else) may have posted this one before, but I think it's so funny it's worth repeating:

The Little Engine Keeps It Real:

Two more on the topic:

 

[Oldman too]

This ones self explanatory.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

"So you're an exorcist, that's interesting. When you travel for an exorcism, do you get paid per diem?"

"No, I get paid per demon."

 

[WWGD]

There's some good Internet history behind this. This was in response to an Internet meme/phenomenon for its time (a time before even Facebook was particularly popular).

By the way, the cheque/check signer is Randall Munroe, the very same Randall Munroe as the author of webcomic xkcd that we all know and love. Munroe wasn't involved in the actual incident, but the image of the check/cheque was his humorous response to it.

[The text under the check/cheque in the image is wrong. That must have been added by somebody else. The original joke is that the amount of the check is for 0.002 - 1 + 1 dollars = $0.002. Whoever wrote the text underneath misinterpreted the i as 2.]

The incident -- a recorded phone call -- is where Verizon customer service does not know the difference between 0.002 dollars and 0.002 cents.

Here's an article about it:
https://consumerist.com/2010/02/23/...nce-between-difference-between-002-and-00002/

And here is the whole customer service phone call which was recorded. Fair warning, it's all of funny, frustrating, and infuriating, altogether.

Serenity Now! I had to spend around 5 months trying to cancel the automatic renewals on some web hosting I never actually used.

 

[artis]

 

[BillTre]

 

[artis]

View attachment 299943

Well now the phrase " I come from the land down under" gets a new meaning doesn't it ?

 

[BillTre]

Apparently this is the same ship that was told to "Go F**h yourself!".

 

[Borg]

Apparently this is the same ship that was told to "Go F**h yourself!".

I guess that Ukraine got tired of waiting for that to happen and took care of it themselves.

 

[artis]

Apparently this is the same ship that was told to "Go F**h yourself!".

Like my dad used to say, sometimes you have to wait for good things to happen...
Stuff like marriage
True love
Good job, or
A Russian ship going "south"From what I hear this was done with a Ukrainian missile (they had some serious defense bureau's back in the USSR left over to them)

 

[pinball1970]

A Wife Sends Her Software Engineer Husband to the Store.Get two cartons of milk and if they have eggs get sixLater, the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.The wife asks him why he bought six cartons of milk.He replied, "They had eggs."

 

[BillTre]

From what I hear this was done with a Ukrainian missile (they had some serious defense bureau's back in the USSR left over to them)

It was their home made (Ukrainian) Neptun anti-ship missile, a modification of a previous Russian weapon. more explosive, more rocket power. They were developing it for several years and just got the first useful products. I think it has something like a 60 mile range.
Bad weather may have helped them (two missiles) get by the ship's anti-missile defenses.
May have had electronic surveillance help from a NATO electronics plane, in finding the ship.

I have been waiting for anti-ship missiles to get those pesky Russian ships that were pummeling coastal sites. The ship was also involved in providing sophisticated radar and anti-aircraft coverage over areas of Ukraine.

 

[BillTre]

It seems the Moskva may not have sunk, but is being towed back to port.

 

[artis]

Seems like we need a dedicated Ukraine thread once more...

 

[artis]

Russia wants peace, they said it and I believe them and you should too.

1. Peace of Ukraine
2. Peace of Baltics
3. Peace of Poland
4. ...

 

[artis]

 

[artis]

 

[artis]

Russian army in Ukraine? - A special military operation

Sweden and Finland joining NATO? - A special cooperation

 

[artis]

 

[pinball1970]

Er yes guys...let's see how far we can push the mods! (Joke honest)

Anyway...A biologist a chemist and a statistician go on a deer hunt. The biologist fires 6 inches to the right of the Deers head, the Chemist 6 inches to the left.

The statistician shouts,

'we hit hit it!'

 

[pinball1970]

"So you're an exorcist, that's interesting. When you travel for an exorcism, do you get paid per diem?"

"No, I get paid per demon."

Can't lie, I had to look up Diem before I upvoted. Even though I have used the phrase Carpus Diem to sound clever at some point. Then I looked up Carpe Diem to check I said it right. I didn't.

Anyway Schrödinger gets pulled over by the police and they check his boot (trunk if you are USA)

Police officer: 'Do you realize you have a dead cat in your boot sir?'

Schrödinger: 'Well now I do!'

 

[artis]

Er yes guys...let's see how far we can push the mods! (Joke honest)

Anyway...A biologist a chemist and a statistician go on a deer hunt. The biologist fires 6 inches to the right of the Deers head, the Chemist 6 inches to the left.

The statistician shouts,

'we hit hit it!'

Plot twist,

The reason both missed is because the rifle was manufactured by a quantum physicist, the bullets from that rifle interfere with themselves and produce a probability distribution

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[artis]

View attachment 299976

Somebody should paint a fake road barrier in front of that fake tunnel

 

[artis]

Most already know the Ukrainian stamp about the soldier who flips a bird to the Russian warship

But now there is an update , the ship sank while being towed to port, therefore the updated stamp looks like this

We have to be precise...

 

[artis]

Also there is a new "CAPTCHA" ,

"Click on all squares containing Russian warship"...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

Also there is a new "CAPTCHA" ,

"Click on all squares containing Russian warship"...
View attachment 299996

View attachment 300019

Incredibly funny, both of them!

 

[DennisN]

 

[BillTre]

 

[artis]

View attachment 300056

On the bright side, at least the husband will never have problems remembering how they first met...

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 299976

I wonder if the police in Columbia SC have had any similar reports?

 

[artis]

Z boson just called - after 24th of February 2022 it wants it's identity changed...

In other particle physics news, the Russian army performance in Ukraine is now considered a "weak interaction"