Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

We will continue to have meetings until we find out why no work is getting done.

 

[BillTre]

We will continue the beatings until morale improves.

 

[Borg]

We are expanding the bureaucracy to accommodate the needs of the expanding bureaucracy.

 

[artis]

We are expanding the bureaucracy to accommodate the needs of the expanding bureaucracy.

This I'm afraid is both sad and true and funny at the same time

 

[Borg]

This I'm afraid is both sad and true and funny at the same time

I can't take credit for it. It's a quote from the game Civilization.

 

[artis]

I can't take credit for it. It's a quote from the game Civilization.

Just don't let the Russians play that game , they might destroy it.

PS. Is there an option to threaten with nukes in that game?

 

[Borg]

PS. Is there an option to threaten with nukes in that game?

Yes, there are nukes in the game. It's not so much threats but using them comes at a cost diplomatically if I remember correctly.

 

[pinball1970]

We will continue to have meetings until we find out why no work is getting done.

Is that a physics thing? Blimey, I have lost the energy to work out these jokes

 

[artis]

I have lost the energy

Where did you lose it? Energy is conserved IIRC

 

[Bandersnatch]

Yes, there are nukes in the game. It's not so much threats

Nuclear Ghandi disagrees. ;)

 

[artis]

Nuclear Ghandi disagrees. ;)

Since I in all honesty had to look this joke up in google before I could laugh about it, I thought I'll post a link to an explanation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_Gandhi

 

[Borg]

I had not heard of that. Interesting.

 

[jack action]

Is that a physics thing? Blimey, I have lost the energy to work out these jokes

No, it's a lame thing. (So is this post)

 

[Oldman too]

Is that a physics thing? Blimey, I have lost the energy to work out these jokes

You just need to draw on your potential energy.

 

[Borg]

New screenshot of the Moskva sinking!

 

[Borg]

Also seen on the internet...

The Moskva is participating in a special underwater operation to de-nazify the bottom of the Black Sea.

Or, maybe Russia can spin it this way.

 

[jtbell]

What kind of music does the Easter Bunny listen to, while he's making his rounds?

Hip hop.

 

[jtbell]

Question for Radio Yerevan: "Is it true that Russia captured a Ukrainian base?"

Answer: "In principle, yes. Except that it was not a base, it was a ship. And it was not Ukrainian, it was Russian. And it was not captured, it sank. The rest is true."

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Oldman too]

New screenshot of the Moskva sinking!

View attachment 300124

One more of those pegs and I'll have to say "Hey, you sank my battleship!"
Edit: I don't claim that battleship!

 

[jack action]

Here's a word that I will never forget how to write:

 

[Oldman too]

Here's a word that I will never forget how to write:

View attachment 300146​

You know, when I finished laughing my arse off over your post it reminded me of another Gem from PF. Please excuse the re-post but I can't resist.

 

[Bystander]

Here's a word that I will never forget how to write:

Sean Connery vs. Alex Trebek, perhaps apocrypha, but ...

 

[Hamiltonian]

"If I had a dollar for every time I was called ugly, I wouldn’t be considered ugly anymore."

 

[Oldman too]

Q: Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?
A: Because it’s in its ground state.

 

[Filip Larsen]

"Three things I love is to eat my family and write without worrying about commas"

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Adding to the Moskva meme collection:

Several previous elemental memes are combined to make a larger more complex one.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Oldman too]

View attachment 300199

You can't go wrong with Gary.

 

[artis]

 

[artis]

 

[artis]

 

[artis]

Ukrainian cats shot towards fighting "Russian rats"

 

[Borg]

This is on my cube at work.

 

[Ibix]

This is on my cube at work.

It's only a small change, you'd have spotted any bugs.

 

[Ibix]

Since I in all honesty had to look this joke up in google before I could laugh about it, I thought I'll post a link to an explanation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_Gandhi

There's an elderly game called Star Control II in which you have to fly around a galaxy trying to figure out what's going on. One of the hazards you encounter is a kind of robot probe that will always initiate peaceful contact with you and then open fire. When you eventually track down the originators of the probes they're nice guys who bought self replicating probes off another race and sent them off to seek out new life and new civilisations (to coin a phrase). Unfortunately they tweaked the probes' priorities a little (did I mention that they were self-replicating?), accidentally making the probes seek out new life and new civilisations and then render them down for raw materials to build new probes. So that's a game that features a Nuclear Gandhi as a plot point.

Borg's post above is also relevant...

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

More memes about Ukraine:

Sold to benefit Ukraine. There are many different religious figures with a variety of weapons.

This is from a NY Times article which has a nice quote:

The head of the Ukrainian post office called the stamp “a symbol of courage and indomitable spirit of the Ukrainian people in the fight against Russia.”

“As the postal service we are always happy when the addressee gets the message,” he said.

 

[phinds]

I'm an engineer so when someone tells me "You're going to regret that in the morning" I sleep until the afternoon. I'm a problem solver.

 

[Mark44]

View attachment 299882

The explanation is wrong.
The check was made out for $.002, which is the amount Randall Munroe was billed for. No amount of explanation on his part got through to the clueless Verizon employee he talked to.
$e^{i\pi} = -1$ is what is written, not $e^{2\pi}$. The explanation for the summation is correct.
The amount of the check is .002 - 1 + 1 = $0.002, or 2/10 of a cent.

Edit: Looks like several people beat me to the punch here.