Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

Anyone who watched British TV commercials in the 1970s will remember this:

Son: "Dad, do you know the piano's on my foot?"

Dad: "You hum it, son, and I'll play it!"

OMG, haven't heard that one since I was a kid

 

[jack action]

My commute is now from my bed to my living room and I'm still late to work every day.

I'm starting to think that I'm the problem.

 

[Ibix]

My commute is now from my bed to my living room and I'm still late to work every day.

I'm starting to think that I'm the problem.

You obviously need a job that sucks harder.

 

[fresh_42]

My commute is now from my bed to my living room and I'm still late to work every day.

I'm starting to think that I'm the problem.

Must be a relativity thing. The shorter the distance the later you are. I must know. I'd been living next to a bus stop of a line I regularly used. I had never missed so many busses before.

 

[Keith_McClary]

https://www.gocomics.com/moderately-confused/2020/05/16

Also:
SPEED BUMP

 

[WWGD]

Looking for your dog?

 

[WWGD]

Dyslexics of the world:
Untie!

 

[Ibix]

You have nothing to lose but your chinas!

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Feminist Rattlesnake!

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

You have nothing to lose but your chinas!

Beware the punishment of dog!

 

[Keith_McClary]

Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins for May 17, 2020

 

[etotheipi]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 263024

I'm almost sure that there are currently protesters out there claiming the opposite!

 

[jack action]

Her: Undress me with your words

Him: A spider just crawled in your sweater.

 

[jack action]

A bacon salad​

 

[jack action]

I was in line at the supermarket when the guy in front of me farted. I stared at him, he turned around and said, «If you heard that, you are not keeping your distance and if you smelled it, your mask is not helping you at all!»

 

[Keith_McClary]

 

[WWGD]

My gun has such a strange work ethic: It only works after it's fired.

 

[fresh_42]

My gun has such a strange work ethic: It only works after it's fired.

Isn't it the other way around? It gets fired if it works. Some guns fire when they're laid off.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Toothsome masks

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

At a job interview:

- What would you say is your greatest weakness?
- Honesty.
- Well, I don't think honesty is a bad thing!
- Well, I don't care about what you think.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[jtbell]

When that meteor hit the Yucatán peninsula 66 million years ago...

it made a Tyrannosaurus wreck.

 

[Wrichik Basu]